Dutifully Praising Your Sense Of Duty

, , , , | Working | October 23, 2017

(I’ve recently taken a job as a secretary after the person who previously held the position was let go for less than stellar performance. My new boss seems like a demanding person, but I quickly come to realize that his expectations are low. It leads to several conversations like this one:)

Boss: “[My Name], I wanted to let you know I was very impressed with how you handled things while I was traveling.”

Me: *confused because it was very quiet while he was gone* “Uh, thank you?”

Boss: “That email you sent out, you know, when you rearranged a phone call. That was excellent!”

(A task like that would be very basic for someone new to the job. Having several years of experience, I’m completely baffled that someone would bring it up at all.)

Me: “I… You know that’s routine, right? Thank you, but it was just an email.”

Boss: “No, seriously, the way you handled that was very professional. And… Now you’re looking at me like I’m crazy because I’m praising you for something you think should go without saying.”

Me: “Sorry! I love positive feedback; who doesn’t? I’m just confused.”

Boss: “Just let me enjoy this for a bit.”

(Later, he walks by my office as I’m about to finish my last task for the day.)

Boss: “[My Name], what are you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be going home?”

Me: “My shift ended two minutes ago. It’s fine; I’m just sending out that request for information before I leave.”

Boss: “But you could leave that until tomorrow morning.”

Me: “Sure, but you said we need the reply by tomorrow afternoon. If I send it out tomorrow, how much do you want to bet that there will be someone who complains because half a day isn’t enough time to send us a yes or no reply?”

(I’m looking at my screen as I say this, but my boss goes so quiet that I look up and see him staring at me.)

Me: “Everything all right?”

Boss: “I’m not going to say anything, because then you’ll get that expression again as if you’re wondering if I’ve lost my mind. Just… That’s why I hired you. Please stay.”

Unfiltered Story #98548

| Unfiltered | October 23, 2017

(I have to send a small package overseas to a friend. Unfortunately, the German postage system is somewhat difficult to understand because there are so many options and regulations of what size and what weight can be shipped with which postage, so I go to the counter to ask and become ‘that’ confused customer, sadly.)
Me: Hi! I want to ship this to the US. It’s a ‘small parcel’ according to size, but it’s far below ‘small parcel’ regulations in terms of weight, so I don’t know what the postage would be. Also, the smallest parcel option is without tracking, so would I have to… like… ‘upgrade’ to a larger parcel and pay more to get tracking?
Postal clerk: Let me check. *typing into his computer* Actually, it seems like we can just ship this as an oversized letter. You’ll pay [lower price than expected], and it comes with automatic tracking for overseas shipping.
Me: But.. it’s not a letter. It’s clearly a cardboard box. Won’t that cause trouble?
Postal clerk: No, our system just scans the code, it doesn’t care about size.
Me: But there are postage regulations concerning size?
Postal clerk: That’s just set as guidelines to ensure that shipping containers, vans and such don’t get overloaded with large packages.
Me: Ok, sorry. I’m just worried it won’t be shipped or get lost or something.
Postal clerk: Of course. But watch this. (He prints the postage and puts it on my parcel. He then starts waving his hands above it in a sort of ‘magician showing off his trick way’, ending it with “Abracadabra!”) Tadaa! It is now – an oversized letter!
(He made me laugh, saved me money, and made sure I got tracking. The package arrived perfectly on time in the US. Best post office visit ever!)

A Jarring Realization

, , , | Related | October 21, 2017

(I’m eating breakfast with my parents and my brother.)

Mom: *unsuccessfully tries opening a jar of jam* “Honey?” *hands it over to dad*

Me: “Well, I have a device for that!” *referring to something I got from her which helps opening those jars*

Mom: “I have a husband for that, and I like my method better. But don’t worry, there’s a device for the other things, too.”

Makes You Blush Purple

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2017

(My girls’ soccer team is having a trip to Munich for some sightseeing and visiting the famous soccer arena located there. Our families are invited to come along, too, and my family goes with us since none of us have ever been to Munich. We are on a tram to our next location, when suddenly my seven-year-old sister exclaims:)

Sister: “Mama! There’s a purple banana; I want one, too!”

(We all turn around to see what she is pointing to, and sure enough, it is billboard of a campaign against AIDS, featuring a bundle of bananas in brightly colored condoms. All of us teenage girls turn beet-red when we realize that the whole car has heard us, but my mom is unfazed.)

Mother: “Sure, sweetie, but it’s not really purple. It’s just protection to make sure the banana doesn’t get sick.”

Sister: “Aw, that’s boring. Then I don’t want one.”

(I’ve considered getting my sister a banana in a purple condom for her 16th birthday, just to remind her of it.)

Sick Of Not Being Sick

, , , , | Working | October 17, 2017

(After being as fit as a fiddle for more than two years, I get sick. A really bad cold knocks me out for a whole week. I can’t speak, and barely eat or drink. When I’m finally healthy and back at work the next week, I bump into my coworker.)

Coworker: “Hey, how was your vacation?”

(He wasn’t the only one who asked me that. I really need to get sick more often.)

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