What A Peanut Butter Nutter, Part 2

, , | Right | November 4, 2019

(I’m at the supermarket when I overhear this conversation.)

Customer: “I want to return this.”

Manager: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It has peanuts in it!”

Manager: “Well… it is peanut butter, so…”

Customer: “I am allergic to peanuts! I almost died just from opening it!”

Manager: “Yes… peanut butter usually has peanuts in it. That’s kind of to be expected.”

Customer: “You should warn people about this! I almost died!”

Manager: “It says in the ingredients list that it contains peanuts.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to read the ingredients of everything I buy! There should be a warning that it contains peanuts!”

Manager: “Ma’am… it’s peanut butter! It literally says, ‘peanut butter,’ on the jar! What did you think it contained?”

Customer: “Well… I thought it was an artificial flavor or something. Everything is artificial today, isn’t it? Vanilla flavor, strawberry flavor…”

Manager: “Well, our peanut butter actually contains real peanuts.”

Customer: “That’s why you should warn people! Now refund it!”

Manager: “I’m not going to refund peanut butter because it contains peanuts. If you’re allergic to peanuts, you shouldn’t buy peanut butter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

Customer: “That’s it! I’ve never been treated like this before! I will complain to the health office about this, and I will never shop here again!”

(The manager just shrugged and left. The customer also left, or rather, stormed out. I picked up one of the peanut butter jars. Not only did it say peanuts in the ingredients list, it actually had an allergy warning that stated that it “contains peanuts.” That alone was quite redundant, but how aloof can you be to actually think that the one thing peanut butter doesn’t contain… is peanuts?)

What A Peanut Butter Nutter

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We’re In Our Thirties And That’s When His Attitude Is Stuck

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2019

(I work at a pharmacy. My coworkers and I are female, all in our thirties. One day, an old man walks in. He carries a dirty bag. He has a pair of trousers in there, which he grabs and puts on the counter.)

Old Man: “Please fix it. The zipper is broken.”

Coworker: “Sir, you’re at a pharmacy.”

Old Man: “So?”

Coworker: “We sell prescriptions. We don’t fix clothes here.”

Old Man: *angry now* “But you all are young women in here! You have to be able to fix my pants!”

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Your Boss Is A Bit Prickly  

, , , , , | Working | October 25, 2019

(I’m currently on sick leave after donating a kidney, something my boss and overall department took really well, especially considering I couldn’t give a definite answer as to when I’ll be able to return to work. I’ve tried to prepare for my absence as best as I can, but I know my boss is not looking forward to it, as we have a close working relationship and he doesn’t like change. The first Friday after getting home from the hospital, I receive a bouquet of flowers from the office. My colleague quietly lets me know that it was all my boss’s idea, so I send him a separate message after the general thank-you to the department.)

Me: “Thanks for the flowers! I really appreciate the gesture; it was lovely.”

Boss: “Uh-huh. By the fourth week, it’ll be cacti, just so you know.”

(I don’t think too much about it, since that’s just his style of humour, but from then on flowers get delivered every Friday… until week four when, indeed, the delivery guy hands over a potted cactus. Incidentally…)

Me: “[Boss], thanks for the gesture! I think. Also, I think I’m well enough to return to work next week.”

Boss: “Wait, that actually worked?!”

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Historically, You Shouldn’t Accept Challenges

, , , , | Learning | October 20, 2019

(It’s the first class of term and the lecturer is going over course requirements, end-of-term exam, etc. This is history, my favourite topic ever, and the lecturer and I know each other well from previous classes and are on very good terms. He is also lenient to a fault.)

Me: “So, those worksheets that are requirements. How many do we have to hand in?”

Lecturer: “If you hand in the majority, you’re fine.”

Me: “Right, and what do you mean by ‘majority’? Like, let’s say there’s ten; how many out of ten do we have to hand in?”

(I am expecting something like eight or nine.)

Lecturer: “Oh, let’s say… six out of ten.”

Me: *incredulous and mock-accusingly* “Seriously?! You are far too nice!”

Lecturer: “All right, you, and only you will have to hand in every single one!”

Me: *laughing* “Challenge accepted!”

(Later in the same class:)

Student: “Wait, there’s an exam? I thought it was a paper!”

Lecturer: “No, it’s definitely an exam, because I was very annoyed at having to make an exam.”

Everyone: *various noises of relief*

Me: “Am I the only one who would actually prefer a paper?”

Lecturer: “Yes. Yes, you are.”

Me: “Bummer.”

Lecturer: “All right, so, you alone will have to write a paper!”

(Later still. The question is how many languages were spoken in the British Isles during the early Middle Ages, c. 600 AD.)

Me: “Well, it really depends on what you define as ‘language.’”

Lecturer: “That’s two papers for you now!”

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Beware The Hijabberwocky

, , , , , , | Working | October 16, 2019

(I work at an institute for further adult education, supervising examinations. There have to be two supervisors present at all times to make sure that everyone follows the rules: no cheating, no use of electronic devices, etc. One supervisor is from the institute and one acts as a neutral party and is not affiliated with us at all. The external supervisor has been working with us for many years. He is a gruff, retired teacher and works mostly on a freelance basis. However, I notice that he has become increasingly irritating and difficult to deal with over the course of the last couple of months, sometimes to the extent that he flat-out insults examinees and threatens to kick them out for the most insignificant reasons. When I supervise with him, I almost have more difficulty keeping him in check than the students. But since he has been with us for so long, my boss says that we should at least work with him occasionally to keep the good relationship. On this day, I am once again supervising an exam with him. It is still early and the examinees are slowly filtering into the room, and while I do the identity and passport checks at the entrance, he is writing down the seating plan for those who have already chosen a seat. Suddenly, I hear him raise his voice, sounding angry. Sighing internally, I make my way over to where he is to see what is going on. He is currently standing in front of a woman who is already sat down and looks rather uncomfortable. She is also wearing a hijab.)

Me: “Hey, Mr. [Supervisor], is everything okay? What’s going on?”

Supervisor: *aggressively* “Yeah, I am just doing my job! We have to collect all electronic devices that these people may have so that they cannot use them to cheat right? I want her–” *gestures to the woman* “–to show me her ears! For all I know she could have one of those button-like radio things in there and get the answers from someone else!”

(I stare at him for ten seconds flat while my brain tries to catch up with what I just heard and come up with a coherent response. He, a broad, roughly sixty-year-old guy just demanded from a clearly Muslim woman to take off her headscarf to show him her ears! After finally getting my bearings, I desperately try to defuse the situation because the woman is definitely shaking right now.)

Me: “Uh, I really don’t think that that’s necessary. We are required to collect all mobile phones, smartwatches, and the like, and we have to supervise everyone, of course, but it definitely does not say anywhere in the regulations that we are required to search the clothes of the examinees or anything! I am not sure if that would be legal.”

Supervisor: “But I am here to ensure the safety of this examination! This is a cheating risk we should not tolerate! She has to show me her ears!”

Me: *firmly because I have had enough of him* “No, Mr. [Supervisor], that is not how we are supposed to do this. The regulations of [Testing Company that develops the exams] say nothing about frisking students! If you want, we can discuss this matter later, but now the other examinees are waiting to start the exam. Please finish your seating plan and then we will continue with the examination!”

(I intentionally tried not to make a big deal out of this to keep everyone as calm as possible but I was fuming inside! Somehow I managed to convince him to drop the subject and the exam went about without another major incident. The woman was okay from what I could tell and I made sure he did not go too close to her again. I kind of understand his concern and the safety rules of these exams are definitely not foolproof but it would be way above my paygrade — and his, for that matter — to try and change them. That, and he definitely went about it in the worst possible way! I also informed my boss in great detail about what had happened. Needless to say, we do not work with this supervisor anymore.)

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