Trying To Date Sheldon Cooper

, , | Romantic | August 2, 2017

(It’s early in the evening and there’s only one guest, a woman in her early twenties, but soon a guy around the same age comes in and takes a place at her table. Since it’s very quiet I involuntarily overhear their conversation from the bar I’m standing at.)

Woman: “Hey, honey; how was your appointment?”

Man: “Crazy! That new doctor asked me if my Asperger’s is diagnosed! Can you believe her?”

(The woman bursts out laughing.)

Man: “What?!”

Woman: “You remember that time before we started dating and I asked you if you want to come to my place and watch Iron Man? You declined because you don’t like superhero movies…”

Man: “A guy can miss a cue once in a while.”

Woman: “You do realize that I’d been desperately flirting with you for almost a year at that point?”

Man: “WHAT? You were?!”

(I somehow think that new doctor was onto something.)

Three Generations Of Rock Paper Scissors

, , , | Related | July 26, 2017

(In my family, embarrassing each other is par for the course. We all share a silly sense of humor and don’t mind. My brother and I are not the same age, but we’ve always been close, so at times we can communicate well without speaking. On this occasion there is a small family gathering to introduce my boyfriend and my brother’s girlfriend to our parents. It seemed like a good idea at the time so no one would be subjected to the inquisition all evening long until…)

Mother: *beaming around at everyone* “It’s great to have everyone here! That really leaves just one question. Which one of you will provide me with grandchildren first?”

(She knows both relationships are still new and that topic has certainly not been discussed yet. My brother and I exchange a glance and I see we have the same idea. We both raise a fist and, without speaking, start a round of Rock, Paper, Scissors.)

Me: “HA! Two out of three works every time.”

Brother: “D*** it! All right. So, Mom, I guess I’ll take care of that.”

(It’s at this point we both first notice the way our respective partners stare at us in horror, especially my brother’s girlfriend. Luckily, they didn’t kill us. And what do you know… a few years later now, my brother and that same girlfriend are now proud parents themselves.)

Mom I Gotta Go, The Hookers Are Here

, , , | Friendly | July 18, 2017

(I’m at a friend’s birthday, and we’re playing board games. In the middle of a game, the host gets a phone call and steps outside. He doesn’t return for several minutes, and the rest of the group starts to get impatient. Meanwhile, his girlfriend has also left the room to check on the food.)

Friend #1: *loudly* “Hey, [Host]! It’s your turn!”

(There’s no reaction, and we can hear that Host is still talking to someone on the phone.)

Friend #2: *even louder, with an evil smirk* “Hey, [Host]! Hurry up, the prostitutes are here!”

Friend #3: “Wouldn’t it be funny if that made [Girlfriend] appear instead?”

(Right on cue, his girlfriend enters the room, grinning broadly. She points back to the corridor where her boyfriend is still on the phone.)

Girlfriend: “Shout louder. His mom can’t hear you.”

You’ve Upgraded From The Underwear Dream

, , , | Friendly | July 16, 2017

(We’re a group of four girls, all close friends, and are having a sleepover in my friend’s tiny apartment. It’s pretty much one bedroom with a kitchenette, a tiny bathroom, and even tinier hallway. With four of us there it’s pretty crowded, but we make do. After some hours of drinking and silly games, one friend has already fallen asleep on the couch while the rest of us talk for a while. We finally decide to go to bed and just let our friend sleep through it since she seems comfortable enough. Unfortunately, she wakes up just as we’re all changing, in the main room, since there are no other options.)

Friend: “Wha… oh, god. Why are you all naked? Is this one of those weird dreams?” *gets a shocked look on her face* “Am I naked, too? Please tell me I’m not!”

Watership Down With GM Pet Food

, , | Friendly | July 15, 2017

(A couple we’re friends with is hosting a board game party. They own rabbits they currently keep on the balcony. During a game break, the girlfriend steps outside to feed the rabbits. A few seconds later, a dog on the street starts barking loudly.)

Other Friend: *wide-eyed* “What the h*** have you been feeding those rabbits?!”

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