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Accept Jesus – Now With 90% Less Packaging!

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I own a store, where we also sell some of our products without packaging in bulk, so people can bring their own jars and fill them up with nuts or noodles. We just sell SOME products like that; most products are normally packaged. A woman comes in, cuts in line, and yells at me.)

Customer: “I thought all your products were without any packaging! There are still some with plastic!”

Me: “We never said or advertised anywhere that we are 100% plastic-free; we just have a range of packaging-free products.”

Customer: “Have you ever asked God to help you make your store 100% plastic-free?”

(I look at her in disbelief, as do the other customers in line. She then sits on the sofa in our store, pats on the empty place next to her, and waves at me:)

Customer: “Here. Come; sit beside me. We will pray to Jesus Christ for your store to become plastic-free. If you would just open up for Jesus, all your wishes will come true. Even for your store to become packaging-free!”

 

What Kind Of Goats Has She Been Seeing?

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work in a vegan store, so of course, we don’t sell any dairy products.)

Customer: “In which shelf do you have goat milk?”

Me: “We don’t sell any milk from animals, because we’re a vegan store.”

Customer: *thinks for some seconds* “But goat milk is not from cows; it must be vegan!”

Me: *looks at her* “But goats are also animals. And as I said, we don’t have products from any animal.”

Customer: “Ah, you are right. I never thought about that goats that way.”


This story is part of our Vegan Roundup!

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Giving The Internet A Place To Roost

, , | Right | November 15, 2018

(I’m working for a small IT company. We’re in Germany, and most people we provide service to have little to no idea about computers, or the English language.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Customer: “This is [Customer]. My Gockel does not work.”

(Note: she pronounces it gock-l. “Gockel” is a South German word for “rooster.”)

Me: “Excuse me. I believe I misheard. Your what?”

Customer: “My Gockel!”

Me: “Um… Does it not crow?”

Customer: “What?! I’m not talking about a rooster! I mean my Internet Gockel!”

Me: “Um… Could you give me an exact walkthrough what you’re trying to do when the error occurs?”

Customer: “I open my Internet, and then there should be Gockel. But instead, there’s a dinosaur.”

Me: “You open your browser, but you get a dinosaur instead of a rooster? Wait…”

(It turns out her Internet provider had a problem, so their Internet didn’t work. She was confused because when she opened her browser, Chrome, the page indicating a connection error with the little dinosaur game showed instead of the usual Google startpage. She just completely mispronounced “Google.”)

History Repeated As A Cautionary Tale

, , , , , , , , | Hopeless | November 13, 2018

(I live in Germany. In my brother’s high school, it’s custom that the teacher who last joined the staff has to hold a speech at the graduation ceremony. In my brother’s case, it’s a young history teacher, and since it’s exactly a century after the beginning of the first world war, he talks about the political and societal events that led up to it. He then goes on to compare them to current events, showing potentially dangerous similar developments. Suddenly, he’s interrupted by a mother in the audience. I later find out she’s infamous for recently having adopted some far-right political views that she now preaches at every opportunity.)

Mother: *yelling loudly* “BORING! Nobody wants to hear this!”

(There’s a long moment of awkward silence. The teacher tries to carry on with his speech, visibly shaken.)

Mother: “BORING!”

(The teacher stops talking again, unsure of what to do. But then, one of the graduates stands up.)

Graduate #1: “I want to hear it.”

(More graduates rise to their feet.)

Graduate #2: “I want to hear it, too.”

Brother: “Me, too!”

(By now, all graduates are standing in support of their teacher. The disrespectful woman is bright red in the face and looks very determined. A lot of the graduates’ relatives in the audience rise from their chairs, as well. The teacher continues his speech. Some people sit back down after a while, but all graduates remain standing until the end.)

Teacher: *voice shaking* “Now, the future of this country, of our democracy, lies on you.”

(Tears well up in his eyes.)

Teacher: “I was going to say that I hope you all will grow up to be responsible, mature citizens with the courage to stand up for your beliefs. But you’ve already done that. I’m so proud of you all, and I’m proud to have been your teacher. Thank you very much!”

(The hall erupted into thunderous applause.)

Trying To Transition Out Jerk Customers

, , , , | Right | November 9, 2018

(I am a transman; however, I am not on testosterone when this story takes place. Since I work in a busy, well-known fast food place and look fairly androgynous, I am used to being asked whether I am “a boy or a girl” constantly. I am working the drive-thru. A car arrives. I take their order over the headphone and ask them to move up to the next window to pay. I am sitting in said window. The car pulls up, and inside are three dudes in their 20s. They see me and start laughing immediately.)

Me: *with the biggest forced smile I can possibly produce* “Well, you guys look happy.”

Customer #1: “So… we… sort of have this question.”

Me: “Yeah?”

Customer #2: “We were wondering… uh…”

(I know what they want to ask, but don’t want to give them the satisfaction of getting around asking the question.)

Me: “Yes, go ahead.”

Customer #1: “Uh, no, never mind.”

Me: “Oh, please, go ahead. I want to give you the best service possible.”

Customer #2: “Nope, never mind. We’re leaving.”

Customer #3: “What about the food?”

(They sped off without paying and without their food. A coworker later told me that they came back and told him that they were betting on my gender and that whoever lost had to pay for the food. My coworker told them to f*** off.)