Tag, You’re President

, , , | Right | March 2, 2011

(I am helping out during the election in our region. A middle-aged man approaches the table to get his ballot papers.)

Voter: “Hey, who should I vote for?”

Me: “That’s your decision. Voting is about making your opinion heard.”

Voter: “I don’t know!”

(He waits for some time with his papers in hand before he enters a booth. He doesn’t come out for a few minutes. I am about to kindly ask him to hurry up.)

Voter: “Hey, can someone say ‘stop’, please?”

(The other voters snicker. A young woman looks at me. I shrug.)

Woman: “Stop!”

Voter: “Thanks! Once more, please!”

Woman: “Stop!”

(The man exits the booth and puts his ballot into the ballot box.)

Woman: *amused* “Got a good vote there?”

Voter: “Yes, thank you! This ‘making your opinion heard’ stuff is really hard!” *beams at everyone* “Well, I’ve done my duty now! It feels good!”

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Childhood Innocence, Adulthood Nonsense

, , , | Right | February 10, 2011

(I work as the cashier of a photographer. A customer and her husband walk in, asking for the photos of their children.)

Me: *handing them the photos* “Here you go. You have nice-looking children, by the way.”

Customer: “Thanks, but… can’t you, you know, make my daughter prettier?”

Me: “Prettier?”

Customer: “Yes, I mean, look at her!”

Me: “Madam, I am sure these photographs have been retouched well by my coworkers. If you have any complaints about their work, I can–”

Customer: “NO! I want this to be remade!”

Me: “What exactly bothers you about these photos, anyway?”

Customer: “It’s her boobs. You guys should have made them far bigger!”

Me: “You want them… bigger?”

Customer: “Yes! How hard is that?”

Customer’s Husband: *quietly* “Honey, you do realize she is eight years old?”


This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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A Few Knights Short Of A Round Table

, , , | Right | October 5, 2010

(I am a dressmaker who specializes in historical clothing. I have made several dresses to illustrate the evolution of fashion over the centuries. These dresses hang in the back of our stall, each labeled with the proper century.)

Customer: *rushes up and points to the 15th-century dress* “Oh, that’s my dress there!”

Me: “Yes, it’s beautiful, isn’t it? Would you like to try it?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy it. It’s exactly my dress.”

Me: “Your dress?”

Customer: “Yes. I had past-life regression last week. And I wore this dress while I was waltzing with King Arthur 500 years ago!”


This story is part of our Bad-With-History roundup!

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D as in Duh

, , , | Right | July 26, 2010

Me: “This computer’s serial number is five, two, Bravo, Delta–”

Customer: “Whoa, hold up! I’m a civilian, I don’t do that military lingo. Try that again.”

Me: “Okay, it’s five, two, B, D–”

Customer: “Wait, was that two B’s?”

Me: “No, that’s Bravo, Delta.”

Customer: “I’m not in the military! Speak English!”

Me: “B as in Bravo. D as in Delta.”

Customer: “There, was that so hard?”


This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!

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Post Dramatic

, , , | Right | June 26, 2010

(I receive a call from an upset customer who is waiting for her mobile phone to be delivered.)

Customer: “My daughter’s birthday was in February! Since then, we’ve been waiting for this mobile phone!”

Me: “I’m really sorry; I will forward this immediately to my colleagues and–”

Customer: “I don’t know whether you’re a mother, but if you are you can understand the pain! How it feels if your own child is always waiting for her mobile phone!”

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