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Better Than A Grizzly Bear Or Something

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 21, 2021

I’m texting a friend.

Me: “Hey, man, sorry I missed your call. I was running.”

Friend: “Running? From whom?”

Me: “Uh… my winter weight?”

Friend: “Okay, fair enough.”

Attack Of The Math!

, , , , , , , | Working | September 17, 2021

I went through the drive-thru and ordered chicken nuggets. The order total was $4.06. When I got to the payment window, there was a trainee there along with a trainer. I handed the cashier $5.06. Simple math, right? $5.06 – $4.06 = $1? Apparently not.

She opens the calculator app on her phone and calculates… something. I don’t know what. The trainer then stops her and says “let me check” and then TAKES OUT HER PHONE AND CALCULATES THE TOTAL. The trainee then proceeds to open the change drawer and give me $.94 change.

Me: “No, you owe me a dollar. I gave you five dollars and six cents and the order costs four dollars and six cents, so the difference is one dollar.

Trainer: “No, sir, we calculated it correctly. You’re due 96 cents.”

Not the 94 cents they gave me.

Me: “What about the six pennies I gave you?” 

She sighed a big sigh and then gave me a nickel. I never did get through to them that it was wrong and just left because I was in a hurry.

All Names Are Just Noises

, , , , , , | Right | September 13, 2021

Customer: “I need… warshmalabber.”

Employee: “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. What exactly do you need?”

Customer: “Uh… I need, um, wamshlabber.”

Employee: “I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: “You know, a warshlamber. For indoor plumbing.”

Employee: “Could you describe it?”

Customer: *Suddenly looking embarrassed* “I have no idea what it is. I just hoped I could make the same noises my boss did and not have to tell him I had no idea what he meant.”

Going, Going, Gone

, , , , , | Working | September 3, 2021

In mid-2020, I saw a job listing for a small local business that made award ribbons and trophies. It was a will-train, full-time position, with “no smokers” being a requirement. (Nobody wants award ribbons that smell like cigarettes.) I applied and got an interview which ended in a job offer. The pay was significantly better than my part-time minimum-wage retail job, as was the regular nine-to-five weekday work schedule. I was thrilled.

The first two weeks went very well. I learned quickly and got along with my boss and the coworker who was training me. The third week, I was asked to only work part-time since business was impacted by the health crisis. I agreed to the cut and figured I’d be fine until things improved, so long as I had at least one full day of work per week. I wanted to make a career out of this job, so a (relatively) short-term sacrifice seemed worth it for long-term employment. 

Four months after being hired for a full-time job, I found myself working one to two days a week and often being sent home early. I did what was needed to help the business during this difficult time without complaint. Then, one Friday, my boss told me, “We need to talk,” as she handed me my paycheck. These words filled me with dread.

My boss launched into a speech about how bad business was.

Boss: “There’s not much work to be done right now. Things always slow down in the winter; in fact, we close during the winter.”

I was never previously informed of that. Then, she moves on to talking about me.

Boss: “While your work is of excellent quality, you’re far too slow.”

This was the first I’d heard any negative feedback regarding my job performance.

The boss then looked me in the eye.

Boss: “You don’t actually want to work here.”

This was a statement, not a question. I was so shocked and upset that I couldn’t think of a response and just silently stood there.

Boss: “We’re going to look for someone else to fill your role, but we’ll call you in to help with large orders.”

I agreed to this, still in shock at being essentially fired without warning. Just as I thought I couldn’t possibly feel any worse, the boss dropped one last comment.

Boss: “I had a lot of men apply for this job, but you were the only woman I don’t hire men.”

All this time, I thought I’d gotten the job because of my relevant qualifications and abilities. But it turns out none of that mattered; I was hired because the boss is sexist.

When Someone’s Death Is An Inconvenience, You Have Reached Peak Entitlement

, , , , , , | Right | August 26, 2021

I work in an insurance office. The owner had some serious medical issues and passed away. We notified clients via mail and email that he would not be available and was on medical leave about a year before he passed. His son started working as an agent at the agency two years before he passed.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Agency]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Client: “Yeah, I need to speak to [Boss].”

Me: “I apologize, but [Boss] is currently on medical leave and is not available for calls. I can assist you.”

Client: “I’m a friend of his; he’ll want to speak to me.”

Me: “You are free to reach out to him personally, but he is not in the office at this time.”

Client: “All right, what’s his cell number?”

Me: “I am unable to give out his personal information at this time. I am happy to pass on a message, though.”

Client: “No, it’s okay. We go way back.”

Me: “Sir, I cannot give out his personal information. Is there a message I can pass on to him?”

Client: “I’m getting really sick of not being able to reach him. All I’ve gotten for the last several months is excuses. You need to tell him it’s very unprofessional for him not to talk to his clients.”

At this point, the clients have been notified via mail and email, and I have been told to refer people to look at the notice we sent. We are really trying not to say over and over in the office that [Boss] died because we all loved the guy and are mourning the loss, but this guy won’t let up.

Me: “Sir, as I said, he is not available.”

Client: “He needs to get available. I demand a call back!”

Me: “Sir, he passed away. He cannot call you back. I can help you with what you need, but he will not be calling.”

Client: “That is very unprofessional! I’m sick of excuses!”

Me: “Please hold.”

I go to the son’s office and let him know what is going on. He’s generally a very laid-back person but is very protective of his dad and touchy about anyone who tries to bad-mouth him.

Son: “Send him to me now.”

I went back to my desk and transferred the call, and for several minutes, I heard a lot of angry talking. The son then came out and told me to mark on the client’s file very clearly that he was not allowed back in the agency.