Where The Term “Barking Mad” Comes From

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 14, 2019

(I’m heading from my bedroom to the bathroom. It’s late and my roommate tends to go to bed very early, so I’m trying to be as quiet as possible, but as soon as I close my bedroom door…)

Roommate’s Dog: “WOOF!”

Roommate: “Really?!”

(I start cracking up a little as my roommate comes out of the room with his dog.)

Roommate: *fussing at his dog* “See? It’s [My Name]! You know who [My Name] is!” *to me* “I swear to God, she can recognize the sound of your car pulling up, but if the door to your room closes, ‘Oh, no! It must be some intruder coming to kill us!’”

(At first, I felt a little bad about waking him up, but now I can’t stop laughing.)

Dinner Has Been Exterminated

, , , , , | Working | May 8, 2019

(My husband has gone to the kitchen to cook dinner and has just gotten all the pans down and ingredients set out when the door opens. It is the exterminator.)

Husband: “Hi. What are you doing here?”

Exterminator: “The landlady paid me to come out and spray for bugs today.”

Husband: “Oh… at dinner time?”

Exterminator: “Yeah, I got busy.”

Me: *when the story was told to me* “Oh, good. The landlady didn’t pay him to poison our dinner; that was an optional service.”

The Gift Card That Keeps On Giving: The Movie

, , , , | | Right | May 6, 2019

(A line is building up at the box office, so I go in and open up a second drawer which, due to a broken credit card reader, has to be cash only. I put up a sign and make sure to let customers know.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “One senior for [Movie], please.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [price].”

(She proceeds to pull out a gift card, which is treated like a credit card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t take cards in this line.”

Customer: “But why not?”

Me: “The reader is broken, so this line is cash only.”

Customer: “But I have cash on it.”

Me: *facepalm*

The Sauce Of Your Anger Are The Gays

, , , , | | Right | May 6, 2019

(My managers are out of town. I work for close family friends; they own the franchise I work for so things are often pretty lax and they leave the store to my coworkers and me without a “real manager” on duty sometimes. In these times, I have to act as the manager and handle comments and complaints, etc. A customer enters the store with her grandchildren and my coworker takes their order.)

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Restaurant]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want your three-piece strip five-dollar lunch with a honey mustard and a ranch.”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, no problem. It will be fifty cents for an extra sauce; is that okay?”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD CHARGE FOR AN EXTRA SAUCE!”

Coworker: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but it is company policy.”

Customer: “FINE. Just give me a honey mustard, then!”

(I walk away. I have only overheard this conversation as I am stocking up something close to the register. I immediately forget the customer, as I usually do if I don’t take the order. The transaction finishes; my coworker gives the customer her food and even ends up giving her the sauce for free. She eats and leaves with her grandchildren. About thirty minutes later the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “IS THIS HOW YOU RUN YOUR BUSINESS?!”

Me: *immediately confused, but recognizing her voice from earlier* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t know what you mean; was something wrong with your meal?”

Customer: “I CAME IN WITH MY GRANDCHILDREN AND THERE WAS A COUPLE HUGGING AND KISSING IN YOUR DINING ROOM AND YOU DID NOTHING ABOUT IT!”

Me: *still confused* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I didn’t see the couple, and even if I did, there’s nothing I could really do. It’s not illegal.”

Customer: “MY GRANDCHILDREN WERE THERE! THEY HAD TO SEE A GAY COUPLE HUGGING AND KISSING. IS THIS HOW YOU RUN YOUR BUSINESS?”

Me: *suddenly understanding* “Well, ma’am, as I said it’s not illegal, so there is nothing I can do.”

Customer: “WHY DIDN’T YOU KICK THEM OUT? MY GRANDCHILDREN HAD TO SEE IT!”

Me: “Ma’am, this franchise of [Fast Food Restaurant] is a major supporter of [Local Pride Celebration] and we believe that all love is equal. We would never kick a couple out for being gay.”

Customer: “Well, you just lost a customer!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we don’t want your bigoted money, anyway.”

(The customer then hangs up the phone and I proceed to tell my coworkers about it.)

Coworker: “How do you think she would have felt if you told her all her food and ice cream were prepared by not one, or two, but three gay people?”

(The cook and I are bisexual and my other coworker is a lesbian. Ha!)

Unfiltered Story #148863

, , , | | Unfiltered | May 3, 2019

(I work the phones at an office and insurance companies always call to check up on record requests that they have sent. Our office pays a copy company to come in and copy the record and send it out for us.)

Me: Thank you for calling ***, how may I direct your call?

Caller: Hi, this is *** from *** Insurance, I’m calling to check on a request we faxed over fro records last week.

Me: Ok, what’s the patients name and date of birth?

*Gives both and I realize I talked to this exact same person a few days ago about this request*

Me: Ok ma’am I believe I spoke to you about this a couple days ago but like I said then we did receive the request and it has been forwarded to our copy service to handle so you’ll have to call them to check on status. They come in to fill requests every Monday and Wednesday.

Caller: Ok but before I call them I need to verify that it has been copied,

Me: Ma’am we don’t do the copying the copy service does, I can give you their number.

Caller: I have their number but I can’t call until I have verified the record has been copied.

Me: Ma’am I have no way of knowing if the record has been copied yet, you have to call —

*She hung up, but hopefully she called the copy service?*