(After I finish checking out a customer, I realize that she’s forgotten to take her credit card with her. She’s already walked out the door and it’s been a couple of minutes. I tell my manager, “BE RIGHT BACK!” and dash out of the store. Luckily, she is not a far jog away. I catch up with her easily, but I’m out of breath.)

Me: “Ma’am! You forgot this!”

Customer: “Oh, my God, thank you! I need this!”

Me: “No problem! Have a nice day!”

(I jog back to the store. The whole process takes less than a minute. My manager has been standing at the counter behind mine, doing absolutely nothing.)

Manager: “Next time you run out like that, you need to tell me exactly why!”

(That’s right, no thank-you for the person who just saved a paying customer a lot of stress.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Restaurant] in [Town]. What can I do for you this evening?”

Caller: “Uh, yeah, do you guys deliver?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we deliver within a five-mile radius.”

Caller: “I think I’m within that. Can you check?” *gives address*

Me: *looking it up* “Yes, we can deliver there! Can I just get some additional information from you first?”

(The customer gives me their name, phone number, and confirms their address.)

Customer: *places order*

Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Uh… um… Do you guys sell beer?”

Me: “We have the proper license to serve beer and wine, but not to sell. You would need to stay in the restaurant to drink it.”

Customer: “Can I get a couple of [beers] delivered with my food?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t deliver alcohol. Not only would we risk having our license revoked, but we could also get a hefty fine, not to mention that our delivery driver is under the legal age and could get in a lot of trouble for having alcohol in his car.”

Customer: “What if I paid extra?” *suggestively* “Something for you, and something for the driver?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It doesn’t work like that. If you would like, we could change your order to a pickup, and you could come and get it and have a drink at the bar?”

Customer: *clearly agitated* “Well, I guess I’ll have to come and get it, then!” *continues grumbling*

Me: *trying to remain cheerful* “All righty, sir. Your total for the food is [amount]. It should be ready in about twenty to thirty minutes.”

Customer: “Whatever.” *click*

(A while later, the customer comes in. His food is ready, and I begin to bring it to him at the register.)

Me: “If you’d just like to double-check these, make sure everything is correct.”

Customer: “Where’s my beer?”

Me: “We can definitely add a beer to the order. I’ll go place these—” *gestures to the food* “—back on the oven to keep them warm.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to pay for it! I’ve already made the trip! I demand to be compensated for my troubles!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t give out free beer. You would need to pay for it.”

Customer: *yelling* “No! I demand it come out of your pocket!”

Me: *losing my patience* “Sir, I have tried to be nice. But to be honest, I don’t feel comfortable serving you anything now. I suggest you pay for your food and leave. If you are that hard up for beer, there is a large bottle shop about three-quarters of a mile down the road. You can’t miss it. They probably have better prices, anyway.”

(By now, I realize my boss has noticed the commotion and has stepped out into the doorway of the kitchen, silently watching. He is a very large, intimidating man.)

Customer: *now red-faced with a bulging vein going down his forehead* “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!”

(My boss leisurely moves towards the counter, stopping just behind me.)

Boss: *placing his hand on my shoulder* “Hi, I’m [Boss]. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “She–” *points to me* “–promised me free beer if I came to pick up my order! But now she’s refusing me service! What kind of f****** establishment hires such dishonest, rude sluts? I want my food — AND MY BEER — FOR FREE!

Boss: *calmly* “Sir, [My Name] has been working here for years, and I believe she knows the rules by now; she’s one of my best employees. Now, from what I have seen, you have been harassing my staff and disrupting my other customers. You have been attempting to bully my worker into committing an illegal act, risking her job, my restaurant, and the safety of others. If you do not want to pay for your food, fine. We will donate it to the local fire station. But I suggest you leave these premises and do not return.”

(The customer sputters for a moment, and then quickly turns on his heel and storms out the door. Now, it’s worth noting that my boss is not a very fuzzy person. However:)

Boss: *under his breath* “What an a**hole.” *to me* “[My Name], I believe you handled that very well. Good job. Take a few minutes to pull yourself together. When you leave for the night, ask [Coworker that is trained in martial arts] to walk you to your car.”

(Now that the situation was over and the adrenaline was no longer pumping, I began to deflate, and I was thankful for the break and the knowledge that my boss has my back. I never heard anything more from the angry customer, and he never called again.)

(My apartment complex has a large playground in the middle where kids from all over the neighborhood come to play, even on cold days. One Saturday, I am coming out to the car to go to the store, but I have to scrape ice off of the car. I unlock my car, pull out the scraper, and then start scraping the frost off my windows. When I get around to working on the back window, I see some movement by the driver door. I turn to look just in time to see a little boy, about eight or so, opening the door and climbing inside.)

Me: “Hey!”

(Before I can circle around the trunk, he pulls the door shut and I hear the sound of the locks locking on the car. I walk up to the driver door and he is sitting there with that mischievous grin kids have when they are doing something they know is bad but think is exciting. I knock on the window.)

Me: “Kid, you need to get out.”

(He just keeps grinning. I look around and see a woman making her way over. I think she is the kid’s mom, coming to get him and apologize. Silly me.)

Woman: “What are you doing to my baby?! Get away from my boy!”

Me: “Then get him out of my car!”

(I back up, but she just stands on the sidewalk by the front of the car and glares at me, like I shoved her kid into my car myself or something. After a few seconds, I lose patience and circle around, quickly scraping off the passenger windows. I then go to the rear door on the passenger side. Because my car is so old, the lock on that door doesn’t actually work, but it would cost too much to actually replace the whole thing, so I just live with it. I pull the door open and the kid’s face immediately goes from gleeful to wide-eyed surprised. The mom comes circling around the front.)

Woman: “Get away! Get away from my baby boy!”

Me: “THEN. GET. HIM. OUT. OF. MY. CAR.”

(Apparently, me shouting with no door between me and him was scary enough for the kid to decide to get out. He unlocked the door and shoved it open, banging my neighbor’s car, and ran off. Naturally, the mom didn’t go check on him. Nope, she kept yelling at me about staying away from her boy and about how she was going to call his uncle and have him come whoop me. I just closed the door, circled back around, climbed in the driver’s seat, and drove off, leaving her screaming on the sidewalk. Luckily, when I got back, there was no sign of her or her kid, and I haven’t seen her since then. I was able to explain the dent in my neighbor’s car to the owner, who laughed it off, and we both laughed about the messed-up mom.)

(I work at a well-known chain pet store. Occasionally, we stick coupons into items to get them moving. We honor these coupons even after they expire, generally, but they recently changed our couponing system, so you need a manager or lead key in order to approve a coupon. A man finds such a coupon on a bag of cat litter. Unfortunately, the coupon expired in April. I explain that it is expired and that I can call a manager to fix it. It is a busy Sunday, with all lines backed up, and my manager is taking a long time getting to my register. The man’s wife comes up.)

Wife: “So, it was a no-go for the two-dollar-off coupon?”

Husband: “It’s expired; she called her manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry it’s taking so long.”

Wife: *ignoring me* “They won’t let us use it?”

Me: “We’ll honor it for you; it’s just that we need a manager’s key in order to accept the coupon. I personally can’t do it. As soon as he gets up here, they’ll take the amount off.”

Wife: “Just forget the coupon, then! It’s just two dollars!”

(My manager has just gotten up to the front.)

Me: “Are you sure? He’s right there.”

Wife: “Yeah, just take it off. You’ve already made me mad.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I throw the coupon away.)

Wife: “We just spent ninety dollars in here; you’d think they’d let us get two dollars off.”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize for it taking so long, and the coupon not going through properly, but I told you that you could, in fact, have the two dollars off. You chose not to let my manager accept the coupon.”

Wife: *shuts up*

Me: “You have a nice day.”

Husband: *angrily* “We will.”

Related:
For A Few Dollars More, Part 3
For A Few Dollars More, Part 2
For A Few Dollars More

(I am sharing an apartment with a now ex-friend. We get along well until one day, without warning, she ends up taking around $200 worth of my stuff and selling it off so she can have some pocket money. I am, naturally, really upset with this. The police get called, and we recover about two-thirds of the stuff, and she ends up being required to pay the difference. Among the stuff we manage to recover are a few older books that were a gift from my late grandfather, which were the things that I was most afraid to lose. After this, I cut ties with that friend very thoroughly. However, we have mutual friends that still are in contact with each other. I never tried to force them to cut ties with her or anything, but I likewise never shied away from being up-front about what she had done.)

Mutual Friend: *via text* “Hey, [My Name]. Do you have a copy of [Book]?”

Me: “Yeah. I have the whole series.”

Mutual Friend: “It’s a series?”

Me: “Yep. It’s really good.”

Mutual Friend: “Cool. Hey, can [Ex-Friend] borrow it? We were talking, and she mentioned how much she enjoyed it when she was living with you.”

Me: *kind of shocked at what I’m reading* “Are you kidding me?”

Mutual Friend: “What?”

Me: “She stole from me! This was one of the things she tried to steal! Why would I ever lend it or anything to her?”

Mutual Friend: “Oh. Well, that was a while ago, though.”

Me: “No no no no no no no. I am not lending her anything.”

Mutual Friend: *after about twenty minutes of silence* “Could you lend me the book?”

Me: “Are you planning to turn around and hand it to her?”

(Total silence after that, and that particular mutual friend is now looking like another ex-friend, as she has stopped speaking with me. Sooo sorry for being defensive after being burned by a thief in the past.)