Unfiltered Story #98546

| Unfiltered | October 23, 2017

So, I’m a high medical needs child, and one of my conditions is severe tinnitus in one ear, and completely deaf in the other, and I’m completely deaf in restaurants and public places, because of the noise, so it is very hard for me to order. Well, on my birthday, we went out for lunch.
Waitress:*after taking everyone else’s orders* Ok, and what would you like sweetie?”
Me: *no response*
Waitress: Excuse me?”
Me: * no response*
(Finally, my dad explained my situation, and she signed to me her question. Later on in the meal, she brought the whole staff out, with a free dessert. While the entire staff were singing to me, she signed the entire time. If you are reading this miss, thank you so much!

They’re Vibrating On A Different Frequency

, , , , , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(I am in a novelty store, looking for a cheap vibrator as a gag gift. I’m in my 50s and the clerk is probably about 20. The clerk comes up with a smirk on her face, obviously expecting me to be embarrassed.)

Clerk: *said in the most condescending voice possible* “Can I explain anything to you? I know someone your age might not understand these.”

(Now I don’t have a lot of f***s to give. I stopped worrying about what people think years ago. I start picking up vibrators and explaining to her the pros and cons of each one. Loudly. She is turning redder and redder as several boys her age stop to watch.)

Me: “But I don’t buy my vibrators here. I go to [Store #1] or [Store #2]. These are cheap pieces of crap, but I want it as a gag gift. But I know people your age may not understand all of this. Can I explain anything else to you, honey?”

(I bet she doesn’t try to embarrass middle-aged people any more.)

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United In Your Reaction

, , , , , | Working | October 7, 2017

(We are on a plane about to embark. Just as the plane is going to push back, the pilot gets on the loudspeaker. We’ve been delayed because a late passenger pushed through the emergency door and touched the plane, so it’s a federal matter. We have to see what the TSA and police want to do. We overhear a conversation between another passenger and a flight attendant.)

Passenger: “So, you stopped that lady from getting on the plane? Did you have to tackle her?”

Flight Attendant: “No, I just put my hand out, like so, and stopped her.” *pause* “At least we didn’t go United on her.”

(Other passengers go silent as we all process what she just said and then we cracked up laughing.)

Flight Attendant: “Oh, dear. I can’t believe I said that. Am I turning red?”

(She was. All the passengers that heard her loved it. Luckily, we left almost on time and not too delayed.)

He Shoots, He Scores

, , , , , | Related | September 29, 2017

(My nine-year-old son and I have an ongoing, good-natured argument about who has the better dog. We are literally singing their praises to the tune of “O Christmas Tree” for the full conversation.)

Me: “O Sammon-Bear, O Sammon-bear, you are the best dog anywhere!”

Son: “Re-bel is cute, Re-bel is cute!”

Me: “You’ll have trouble rhyming that.”

Son: *pauses* “Shoot!”

Their Intent To Apply

, , , , , | Working | September 27, 2017

(A job seeker comes in looking nice, wearing a crisp suit and tie, and seeming to have everything together. In my opinion, this is a perfect choice for the job he is applying for in minor management. Halfway through his application:)

Applicant: “I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Applicant: “It says here, ‘Have you ever been convicted of a crime?’”

(Now, I’ve heard this before, and I expect the usual explanations of speeding tickets, or some other minor crime that we really don’t care about.)

Me: “Yeah?”

Applicant: “What about if you’ve been charged with one?”

Me: “Uh… depends, I suppose. What charge, might I ask?”

Applicant: “Trafficking, and possession with intent.”

Me: “I… I’d just list that.”

(Needless to say, we didn’t hire him. Apparently, he was out on bond and had just left court when he decided to apply.)

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