A New Babe From The Mouth Of A Babe

, , , , | Learning | August 22, 2017

(I am an assistant in a kindergarten class. A student randomly puts her hand on my stomach.)

Student: “Is there a baby in there?”

Me: “No.”

Student: “Why not?”

Me: “I didn’t call the stork to deliver it yet.”

(However, I inadvertently lied to her. Four weeks later, I was told by my doctor that I was six weeks pregnant. I later laughed about how the student had called my pregnancy at two weeks to my lead teacher who said that she hoped the student didn’t do that to her or she’d head straight for the doctor.)

Chalk And Cheesed Off

, , , , | Right | August 15, 2017

(I work as an associate for the art supply section of our store. We’re a small business in competition with a chain art store. We have this one regular who everyone in the store dislikes because she breaks art supplies and makes a mess of the displays. We can never make a fuss about her though, because she’s come in every single day this past month and has bought over $50 worth of supplies every day. One day she needed help with the chalk pastels.)

Regular: “Hi, do you know how to mix colors with chalk pastels? I’ve never used them before and I have a tough project to do.”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I show her how to mix colors with the sample pastels we have on the floor.)

Regular: “Cool! The people at [Chain Art Store] didn’t know how to do this! I tried mixing colors with their samples for the longest time and I couldn’t do it. You should have seen it. There were broken chalks everywhere and I totally made a mess of it… But now you showed me how!”

Me: “Just tell me if you need anything.”

(Internally, I’m screaming, because I know she’s going to do that to my display. I go up to the third floor to help train a new associate, and about two hours later I hear an odd call on the walkie.)

Coworker #1: “Uh, Art Supply? Can we have our window cleaner back on main?”

Coworker #2: “No… it’s going to be a while. I have a window cleaner emergency on the second floor.”

(I rush downstairs with the new associate to see what’s going on, and there is pastel chalk everywhere. There are broken bits of chalk on the floor. IT’S EVERYWHERE. My coworker has a mountain of paper towels behind her as she tries to clean up the mess.)

Me: “Did the regular leave?”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, like ten minutes ago… She bought $80 worth of chalk pastels and left this mess. I’ve been cleaning it up since she left!”

This Is Complete Bull

, , , , | Right | August 14, 2017

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for a cow costume.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I actually have several cows. I’ll bring one right out.”

Customer: “You have several? Good, I actually want two: a male and a female.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll be right back with both.”

(A short time later.)

Me: “Here is the cow, and this is one of our bulls. I actually have him in three colors: black, white, or brown. Do you have a preference?”

Customer: “A bull? That’s your male cow?”

Me: “Uh, yes. A bull is a male cow.”

Customer: *skeptically* “I don’t know about that.” *leaves without getting anything*

Use The Will Money To Buy A Volkswagen

, , , , | Related | August 7, 2017

(I am looking into buying my first car which, for some reason, has become the talk of my family. I am leaning towards the German cars because I like their design which is upsetting my great-grandfather. I get a phone call from him one morning before I leave for school.)

Great-Grandfather: “If you get a German car, I will write you out of my will.”

(And this is why I currently own a Ford.)

Seoul Trek

, , , , | Related | July 13, 2017

(I was talking with my sister and some friends one day and somehow the conversation turned to the countries of North and South Korea. My sister was trying to think of the Demilitarized Zone, but couldn’t quite get it.)

Sister: “So, if you were to cross over the Neutral Zone…”

Me: “Wouldn’t that put you into Romulan space?”

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