You Can’t Ignore This Baby Elephant In The Room

, , , , , | Friendly | June 14, 2019

(I am getting coffee at a local gas station one morning. Behind me is a man who is very obviously a construction worker. I’m quietly whistling “Baby Elephant Walk (the theme from Hatari!)” to myself while I pour my coffee.)

Construction Worker: “Ah, nothing like a little Henry Mancini to start the morning off right.”

(That taught me never to judge a book by its cover.)

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Unfiltered Story #131612

, , , | Unfiltered | December 6, 2018

I’m the customer in this story.  I’m at the grocery store buying a gallon of milk.  I decide to have a little fun with the cashier.

Cashier:  Would you like your milk in a bag?
Me:  No, just leave it in the jug.
Cashier:  …

She’s At That Sticky Age

, , , , , , | Related | November 3, 2018

(At home, with my four-year-old daughter:)

Daughter: *sniffing* “I’ve got a tickle in my nose!”

Me: “You need a kleenex?”

Daughter: *desperate sniffing* “I’VE GOT A TICKLE IN MY NOSE!”

Me: “So, you’ve got a tickle in your nose?”

Daughter: *distraught sniffing* “NO! I’VE GOT A STICKER IN MY NOSE!”

(My daughter had somehow managed to jam a tiny sticker from a sticker book up her nose. I spent the next several minutes with a flashlight in my mouth, tweezers in one hand, and the head of a wiggly four-year-old in the other, trying to fish a sticker out of her nose. Got it on the second try!)

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The Man From Uncle

, , , , | Related | July 28, 2018

(My mother’s side of the family is having our first big reunion in years. In many East Asian cultures, you don’t call older relatives by name; there are specific titles for specific relationships.)

Cousin: *talking about mum’s older brother* “Because I’m half white and all American, I didn’t realise Tua Ku’s name wasn’t Tua Ku until I was, like, eighteen…”

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