My parents were visiting my sister (who was an exchange student in the US maaaaaaaaany years ago). At the airport, some worker was very condescending because here were these stupid tourists who didn’t know where they were going. They kept repeating, “Cleveland, Tennessee,” and refused to accept that they couldn’t go to both Cleveland and Tennessee.

Yes, my sister was an exchange student in Cleveland… Tennessee. Amusingly, some years after that, I was an exchange student and ended up in a suburb of Cleveland. The one in Ohio, that is.

Due to a previous employer screwing me over with my previous job, I am now looking for a new position. I have uploaded my CV to a couple of different job websites.

A week after doing this, I receive a call from an agency.

Me: “Hello?”

Agency: “Hello! I’m calling because I’ve seen your CV on [Job Site] and wanted to tell you about a new position that has just come in.”

Me: “Okay?”

Agency: “It’s for an Accounts Assistant role with part-time hours, and the salary is £28,000 per year.”

Me: “Sounds great! Where is it located, please?”

Agency: “It’s actually not far from your postcode; it’s in Aberdeen.”

Me: “Hang on. Aberdeen?!”

Agency: “Yes, not far at all!”

Me: “Look at my details on the top of my CV, please.”

There is a pause. Bear in mind that Staffordshire, where I live, is around 400 miles from Aberdeen!

Agency: “Can you relocate?”

I never wrapped a phone call up so quickly!

A customer in her late teens or early twenties and a woman who I assume is her mother are in the store.

Customer: *To her mom* “It gets colder in Europe because it’s further from the sun. I need a thicker jacket.”

Customer’s Mom: “Let’s ask if they have winter jackets.”

Customer: “Oh, Europe has a winter, too?”

Customer’s Mom: “Uh… are you serious, dear?”

Customer: “I thought America invented the seasons, so why would we let Europe have them?”

Customer’s Mom: “Have you been watching the news with your father again?”

Customer: “News? Ugh, so gross.”

The customer comes over to me.

Customer: “I need a jacket for Europe.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Will it just be for casual walking through a city, or are you going to be outdoors a lot?”

Customer: “I’m gonna be drinking!”

Customer’s Mom: “No, dear, you’re not.”

Customer: “Yeah, I am! The legal drinking age is younger there!”

Customer’s Mom: “It might be, but you’re still on a school trip, so they’re not allowing the students who have turned eighteen to drink. I signed the permission slip that said as much.”

Customer: “I’m an adult! They can’t stop me!”

Customer’s Mom: “Maybe, but then they’ll lose their insurance and I’ll be fined, which means you’ll be fined. The places you’re going to will know not to serve alcohol to the American students.”

Customer: “I won’t tell them I’m American. I’m more Amazonian, anyway.”

Customer’s Mom: “No, dear, you’re Arizonian.”

Customer: “Whatever, geology is for mids.”

Customer’s Mom: “Just stop.” 

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 14
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 11
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 10

A customer storms up to the counter looking angry.

Customer: “My wife ordered a sofa, and it hasn’t arrived yet! What the f*** is taking you guys so long?!”

Me: “Did the company you ordered it from provide a shipping or tracking number?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t see why it’s taking so long! It’s not even coming from outside the state! You had better pray you haven’t lost it! It’s an expensive sofa made by an Italian designer! It’s worth $5,000!”

I look up the tracking number the customer provides to me, and I raise an eyebrow.

Me: “Sir, this item has just left Italy. It’s coming via shipping container, so it might be some time — possibly a few months — before we have it here in Georgia.”

Customer: “What the f*** was it doing in Italy?! We ordered it from a company in Rome!”

Me: “Sir, you ordered an Italian sofa from Rome, and you thought it was coming from Rome, Georgia?”

Customer: “Where else would it be coming from?!”

Me: “Rome, Italy?”

Customer: “Well… how was I supposed to know there was a Rome in Italy?!”

I am taking information from a customer. For our services, we need to set up some security questions.

Me: “What country were you born in?”

Customer: “Texas.”

Me: “That’s not a country.”

Customer: “Well, it should be.”