I work in cell phone tech support, servicing the southeast USA. This caller has an accent like he’s waist-deep in the Big Muddy, and he has been a perfect customer: using a different phone, all the information available, and sharp on following troubleshooting. I’ve lost track of whether the device is on or off.

Me: “What state is your phone in?”

Caller: “Mississippi.”

He wasn’t wrong.

Related:
Technically Correct: The Best Kind Of Correct, Part 2
Technically Correct: The Best Kind Of Correct

Customer: “I’ll get an Americano.”

Me: “We’re using a new Colombian blend today. Would that be okay?”

Customer: “You f****** liberals gotta make everything political! I just want a coffee, and you gotta bring politics into it!”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry if I caused any confusion. I just wanted you to know that we changed where we source our coffee recently, and—”

Customer: “So, the liberals get into the White House, and you just happen to start getting your coffee from Washington, huh? Coincidence?”

Me: “Sir, we’re getting it from Colombia, not Washington. I don’t think you can grow coffee there… or anywhere in the USA outside of Hawaii, I think?”

Customer: “Bulls***! You just said Washington! District of Columbia!”

Seriously?!

Me: “Sir, I mean Colombia, the country, not Washington DC!”

Customer: “Why are you making everything political?”

Me: “I mentioned a Latin American country exporting coffee, and you started talking about liberals in the White House, but I’m the political one?” 

Customer: “I don’t want your d*** liberal coffee!” *Storms out*

Customer: “Two tickets to [Movie], please. I love this movie! It’s my fourth time seeing it!”

Me: “Wow, you must really like it. That’s [total], please.”

Customer: “Jim Caviezel is so handsome! How many times have you seen it?”

Me: “I haven’t actually seen it.”

Customer: “But it’s been out for a week! You have to see it! It’s practically un-American to not see it!”

Me: “But, I’m not American.”

Customer: *Gasps* “You’re not?!”

Me: “No, I’m from Denmark.”

Customer: “But… you’re white!”

Me: “Yes, most people from Denmark are white.”

Customer: “I thought white people only come from America.”

Me: “Uh… actually, Europe is the continent that’s mostly ethnically white.”

Customer: “Europe? Like New England?”

Me: “Like France, Italy, Spain…”

Customer: “I thought Spain was full of Mexicans?”

Me: “Enjoy the movie, ma’am.”

Related:
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 15
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 14
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 13
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 12
The More You Read The Worse It Gets, Part 11

My mom and I are returning from a wedding about an hour from where we live. We’re not familiar with the area, and it is pitch black, which doesn’t help. My mom uses her phone to get directions back and uses voice instead of just putting it in by hand. When she asks the phone to put the directions in, she calls it Alexa when it is actually Siri.

We end up getting lost.

Mom: “Do you think she was mad that I called her Alexa?”

I don’t know why, but I thought that was hysterical.

One time, I took a driving vacation, and along the way, I wanted to camp out at the Grand Canyon. I figured I could get up early enough to watch the sunrise and get some pictures. I checked my almanac for when the sun was to rise that time of year and turned in.

I woke up and checked my watch. It was about twenty minutes before sunrise, so I headed out to the southern rim. It was still pretty dark, but I found my way and staked out a good location. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Finally, almost an hour later, someone else showed up and we started chatting. Then a few more people. By this time, it was getting light and the sun started to rise. I got my photos and headed out to a local diner to have breakfast.

As I was waiting, I got a local camping guide to see if maybe the almanac was wrong. And there, under important facts, was: “Please note that Arizona does not observe Daylight Saving Time”. Ugh.