No Comprende, Mate

, , , , , | Friendly | January 22, 2020

(I’m having a conversation with a coworker while another coworker is sitting nearby.)

Coworker #1: “Yeah, I actually grew up in England.”

Coworker #2: “You’re from England?! So, like, you speak French?”

([Coworker #1] and I just look at her with confused looks.)

Coworker: “Or Italian — I don’t know what they speak in England!”

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Long Story Short: Canada Is Big

, , , , , | Working | January 22, 2020

(We move from Edmonton, Alberta — in western Canada — to Halifax, Nova Scotia — on the east coast. My husband is a lifelong fan of the Edmonton sports teams, but they are seldom on TV here; we tend to get games that eastern teams are playing in, instead. So, my husband buys a specialty sports streaming package that guarantees it will broadcast all the games he wants to see. When the first game is supposed to be on, he tries to stream it and gets a notice that it is blacked out for our area. Frustrated, my husband calls the service provider.)

Husband: “I specifically subscribed to this streaming service to watch Edmonton games, and I want to know why they are blacked out for our area.”

Call Centre Rep: “The teams are suffering from low turnout, so a certain number of games have been blacked out ‘in the local area’ to encourage more fans to attend the games in person.”

Husband: “But I am not ‘in the local area.’ We are 3700km away. There’s no way we can just pop in to watch a game.”

Call Centre Rep: “I’m sorry, sir, but Halifax is considered the local area for Edmonton games.”

Husband: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

(The supervisor told him the same thing: we couldn’t access blacked-out “local” games to encourage us to buy tickets and go watch them live. My husband gave up and cancelled his subscription. The worst part? The call centre was in Montreal, which is directly between Edmonton and Halifax. When my husband asked them if THEY could just pop in to Edmonton to see a game, they told him no, Edmonton and Montreal were too far apart, but they couldn’t understand that Halifax and Edmonton are also too far apart, even though Halifax is even farther from Edmonton than Montreal is!)

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More Than Forty-Nein States

, , , , , | Learning | January 20, 2020

A long time ago, a friend was an exchange student from Germany to the United States. On his first day in class, he was asked to show where he was from on a map… 

…of the USA… 

…by the teacher.

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Drink Some Covfefe And Call It A Day

, , , , , , | Right | January 15, 2020

(I work for a popular Canadian coffee chain.)

Customer: “Do you take American? Hundreds?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t take AmEx or bills larger than 50s.”

Customer: “What? You don’t take American money at all?”

Me: “What? I… Oh, I’m sorry, usually American means American Express credit cards here. Yes, we take American money; we just don’t take any bills larger than 50.”

Customer: “You don’t take American money?” *passes me a Canadian toonie*

Me: “Yes, we do, we just don’t take—”

Customer: “You should. You’d better. Best country in the world. Best money in the world.” *walks off calmly*

Regular Customer: *in line behind him, doing a fake Trump voice* “Best money ever. The very best. There has never been any better money before our money.”

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This Conversation Is Going Further Downhill

, , , | Right | December 20, 2019

(I work at a tourist information centre. Pendle Hill is, strangely enough, a very large hill in Pendle; it can be seen from miles around and is impossible to miss.)

Me: “Hello, [tourist information]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, I’m just ringing to see if you know the postcode for Pendle Hill; I want it for my satnav.”

Me: “Well, the hill itself doesn’t have a postcode, but I can give you the postcode for the village at the bottom of the hill, which is [postcode].”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t know the postcode of the hill? I’m worried that I won’t find it from there.”

Me: “It’s a hill, so it doesn’t have its own postcode. The village is right at the bottom; it’s impossible to miss from there. I really do think you’ll find it.”

Customer: “Can you give me the postcode for any of the attractions around the hill, just in case?”

Me: “Not really, since it’s just the hill, on its own; like I said, there’s a village at the bottom, there are a pub and a couple of shops, but that’s it.”

Customer: “So, Pendle Hill is just a hill? I thought it was like, a tourist attraction or something.”

Me: “Well, yes, it is a tourist attraction, but the idea is to walk up the hill; there’s a very good view from the top, but there isn’t much else to do there.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought there was more to it than that. Are you sure it doesn’t have its own postcode?”

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