Land That I Love

, , , | Right | January 6, 2009

(I receive this call from a customer requesting web site support.)

Customer: “I want to order from you, but it says that my state is ‘Invalid’!”

Me: “What state are you putting in?”

Customer: “‘The Great State Of Texas!'”

Me: “Are you putting that whole phrase in the box?”

Customer: “Well, it ran out of room after the ‘t’ and the ‘h.'”

Me: “When you put in the state on our site, you need to use the two-letter state code set up by the United States Post Office.”

Customer: “What do you mean by that?”

Me: “The United States Post Office has a code for each state and territory of the United States. Texas would be ‘TX.'”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW ARE THEY GOING TO KNOW TO SEND IT TO THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS IF IT ONLY SAYS ‘TX’?! MY ORDER WOULD BE LOST!”

Me: “Actually, I’m pretty sure that the United States Post Office would know that ‘TX’ is ‘The Great State Of Texas.'”

Customer: *types it in* “Oh, look at that; it worked. Can you hold on for a second? I want to call the Postmaster of our town and confirm this.”


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I Always Travel By Rocket

, , | Right | December 31, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “How far are you from Las Vegas?”

Me: “233 miles.”

Caller: “So that’s about what, an hour, hour and a half?”

Me: “Only if you drive about 230 miles an hour.”

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Around The World…Eventually

, , | Right | December 19, 2008

Me: “Thanks for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need directions.”

Me: “Ok, where are you right now?”

Caller: “Highway One.”

Me: “Are you heading north or south?”

Caller: “South.”

Me: “Ok, so after the highway turns away from the ocean…”

Caller: “Oh, I’m nowhere near the ocean.”

Me: “Wait, you’re heading south, right?”

Caller: “Yes, that’s what I just said!”

Me: “What city are you in?”

Caller: *names a city that’s about 30 miles south of where our place is*

Me: “Oh, that’s actually south of us.”

Caller: “I know that! Don’t talk to me like I’m a moron. I’m south of where you are, so I can only take the highway south to get to you!”

Me: “Well, then, we’ll see you here once you’ve circumnavigated the globe!”

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The Effect Of High Tide On Man-In-The-Moon Bowlers

, , , , | Right | December 19, 2008

(Note: We are two blocks away from the beach.)

Customer: “Your lanes are crooked.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you they are not crooked; we have lane inspectors that come in every eight weeks and check for that kind of thing.”

Customer: “No! MY LANE IS CROOKED! Every time I bowl, the ball goes to the right!”

Me: *glancing at the clock* “Well, you know, it’s about 1:30. The tide is coming in.”

Customer: “That has an effect on it?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I mean, we’re only a few blocks from the beach…”

Customer: “Huh… well, I guess I’ll try to bowl more towards the left, then…”

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Geography, My Arch Nemesis, We Meet Again…

, , , , | Right | December 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] at Santana Row. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Your stores are having midnight releases for ‘World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King,’ right?”

Me: “Yes, certain locations are going to be open, but our store–”

Customer: *interrupting* “It’s already midnight on the East Coast; you can’t you sell them now?”

Me: “Uhh… unfortunately not.”

Customer: “BUT WHY?! IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE EAST COAST!”

Me: “Well, it’s not midnight here, so, NO, we can’t sell it.”

Customer: “But people will be leveling up before me! AGHHH! This is bull-s***!”

Me: “Either way, our location isn’t going to be open for the midnight release. The closest location that will be open for the midnight release is 45 minutes away.”

Customer: “So if I go there, they should be selling them?!”

Me: “Probably not. They’re still on Pacific Standard Time.”

Customer: “What should I do then?! Everyone on the East Coast will have a head start!”

Me: “Maybe you should move to the East Coast.”

Customer: “What time are you closing?”

Me: “10:00 pm.”

Customer: “I’m coming right now!”

Me: “Okay…?”

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