I am working at the front desk at a hotel.

Caller: “Can you tell me how far your hotel is from Mustang Island?”

Me: “We are on the island.”

Caller: “Yes, but how far away is the island from the hotel?”

Me: “Like I said, we are on the island.”

Caller: “Look, I don’t think you understood. How… far… are… you… from… Mustang… Island?”

I give up.

Me: “Um… less than a mile.”

Caller: “See, was that so hard?” *Hangs up*

Coworker: “Did they really not get it?”

Me: “Nope. But at least I didn’t have to lie to them; zero is less than one mile.”

I live in a state that has a rather unique dialect which can lead to confusion.

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you carry Briters?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that again?”

Customer: “Briters.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that before. Could you describe what a briter is so I can point you in the right direction?”

Customer: “You know, Briter water filters, for purifying tap water.” 

Me: “Oh! You want Brita water filters.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I said.”

Me: “Right this way.”

Customer: “You’re not from around here, are you?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I was born and raised in this state.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! You don’t talk like you’re from around here at all! You have to be from outta state!”

Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’ve lived in this state my entire life.”

Customer: “That’s not possible!”

I’m studying abroad and am at the first orientation for international students. Our first session had everyone together, but we are told to go to two different rooms based on if we are from a country in the EU.

I get out of my seat to leave when the guy next to me — a stranger — gives me a hopeless look.

Stranger: “I don’t know where to go.”

Me: “No problem. You go to room one if you are from the EU and room two if you’re not.”

The stranger gives me a blank stare.

Me: “The EU?”

Stranger: “…”

Me: “European Union? A blue flag with stars?”

Stranger: “…”

Me: “Never mind. Where are you from?”

Stranger: “Turkey.”

Me: “Cool, follow me.”

I thought it was an English thing, but I got to know him, and nope, he genuinely didn’t know if Turkey was in the EU or not.

I work in a store that sells kitchenware and gadgets that help with doing anything in the kitchen. I just started working here.

Today is my first day out on the floor and running the register by myself. As I work late shift, there is hardly anyone that comes into the store. The store phone rings and I’m the one to answer it. The caller is a woman, maybe in her thirties.

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Store]; how may I help you today?”

Caller: “Hello, how are you today?”

Me: “I’m doing well, thank you. So, how may I assist you today?”

Caller: “How far are you from Cedar Point?”

Me: “Excuse me. Did I hear you correctly, asking if I was close to Cedar Point?”

Caller: “Yes. If I were to drive, how close are you?”

Me: “Umm… maybe an hour and a half away? If you drive really fast and don’t get pulled over?”

Caller: “Oh, well, do you sell [part of packaged item]?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell single items from the package.”

Caller: “Oh, well, I’m looking at your website and it says that it’s included with [other product], but I just need the lid.”

Me: “Yet again, I’m sorry to say that we don’t sell just the lid.”

Caller: “I’m taking my children to Cedar Point. Do you know where there is a strip mall near here?”

Me: “Well, as I don’t live near the area, I’m not familiar with any stores there. My best guess is to use the Internet to search the area for a similar store near Sandusky, Cleveland, or Toledo.”

Caller: “You don’t know what you’re talking about; let me talk to a manager.”

As the manager is on her break, I go up to the only other coworker and tell her that this lady is asking for her as I explain everything else.

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Coworker] from [Store]. As my coworker has explained to you, we are not stationed near Sandusky and we do not have knowledge of the area. I agree with her on the fact that looking it up online is the best solution to your problem.”

There is silence as the caller speaks.

Coworker: “Thank you and have a great day.”

Me: “Yeah, you have the magic touch to get off the phone.”

Coworker: “Thanks, but more often, I’m yelled at, so we were lucky. And she said sorry… sort of.”

Our camp employs a handful of international staff. I am not international at all and have never even travelled outside of the USA.

Parent: “Is everyone here from Australia?”

English Staff: “Um, no, all the international staff are actually English.”

Parent: “Oh!” *Turns to me* “And where are you from? I can’t place your accent.”

Me: *Pause* “I live twenty minutes from here.”