No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2020

(I am working the night shift at a hotel. The phone rings at three in the morning.)

Caller: “Hello, I am the wife of United Airlines Captain [Captain], calling from the States. Can you put me through to his room, please?”

Me: “Mrs. [Caller], it is three in the morning here. Are you sure it is a good idea to wake him? I know the plane came in late, and his wake-up call is scheduled for seven am, so he is probably fast asleep.”

Caller: “Middle of the night? How can that be? I am looking out my window now, and the sun is shining!”

Me: “Well, as the wife of an intercontinental airline pilot, I am sure you are aware there is a time difference between the USA and Europe.”

Caller: “Time difference… What is that?”

Me: *facepalm* “Okay, I’ll put you through to his room.”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 13
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 12
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 11

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California, You Might Have Heard Of It

, , , , , | Right | February 1, 2020

(I am working the opening shift in a grocery store as a bagger. A lady comes up to the register and proceeds to pay for her drink.)

Cashier: “Your total is $1.74.”

Customer: “What’s that CRV charge?”

Cashier: “That’s the California Redemption Value.”

Customer: “Oh, well, where’s California?”

Cashier: “You’re standing in it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

(She paid for her drink and left while we all looked at each other like, “Did that really just happen?”)

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Back In My Day, We Circumnavigated The Globe To Get To School!

, , , , | Learning | January 27, 2020

(This happens in a sophomore math class.)

Teacher: “Does anyone know the circumference of the earth?”

Student #1: “Eleven miles.”

Teacher: “Uhh. You sure about that?”

Student #1: “Eleven miles.”

Student #2: “Dude, you live twelve miles away from here.”

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No Comprende, Mate

, , , , , | Friendly | January 22, 2020

(I’m having a conversation with a coworker while another coworker is sitting nearby.)

Coworker #1: “Yeah, I actually grew up in England.”

Coworker #2: “You’re from England?! So, like, you speak French?”

([Coworker #1] and I just look at her with confused looks.)

Coworker: “Or Italian — I don’t know what they speak in England!”

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Long Story Short: Canada Is Big

, , , , , | Working | January 22, 2020

(We move from Edmonton, Alberta — in western Canada — to Halifax, Nova Scotia — on the east coast. My husband is a lifelong fan of the Edmonton sports teams, but they are seldom on TV here; we tend to get games that eastern teams are playing in, instead. So, my husband buys a specialty sports streaming package that guarantees it will broadcast all the games he wants to see. When the first game is supposed to be on, he tries to stream it and gets a notice that it is blacked out for our area. Frustrated, my husband calls the service provider.)

Husband: “I specifically subscribed to this streaming service to watch Edmonton games, and I want to know why they are blacked out for our area.”

Call Centre Rep: “The teams are suffering from low turnout, so a certain number of games have been blacked out ‘in the local area’ to encourage more fans to attend the games in person.”

Husband: “But I am not ‘in the local area.’ We are 3700km away. There’s no way we can just pop in to watch a game.”

Call Centre Rep: “I’m sorry, sir, but Halifax is considered the local area for Edmonton games.”

Husband: “I want to speak to a supervisor.”

(The supervisor told him the same thing: we couldn’t access blacked-out “local” games to encourage us to buy tickets and go watch them live. My husband gave up and cancelled his subscription. The worst part? The call centre was in Montreal, which is directly between Edmonton and Halifax. When my husband asked them if THEY could just pop in to Edmonton to see a game, they told him no, Edmonton and Montreal were too far apart, but they couldn’t understand that Halifax and Edmonton are also too far apart, even though Halifax is even farther from Edmonton than Montreal is!)

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