I have to call a US customer service number to resolve an issue. [Clerk #1] answers the phone and does his spiel in English.

Me: “Erm, hi. I’m [My Name] and I’m calling from the UK. Someone’s used my email to make an account with you and I want it removed.”

Clerk #1: “Er, erm. I have to transfer you to someone who will be able to speak your language, okay?”

I’m really confused but also very British.

Me: “Oh, okay.”

I get transferred, hold for about twenty seconds, and get [Clerk #2], who does presumably the same spiel but in Spanish.

Me: “Er, I’m really sorry, but I can pretty much only say hello and goodbye in Spanish.”

Clerk #2: “I am so sorry; he said you were from Spain.”

Me: *Pauses* “I said I was from the UK.”

Clerk #2: *Audible pain* “That’s not Spain… How can you mess those two up?”

He resolved my issue.

Dear readers,

It’s Geography Awareness Week! Geography is the study of physical locations and the relationship between humans and the world around them. Just about everyone who’s had any kind of formal education has studied geography to some extent, but that doesn’t always show – as evidenced by our seventy-three pages of published stories in the Geography tag and three previous roundups on the subject!

In honor of this week, we’ve mapped out 10 more stories from our archives about people who are geographically challenged.

Telling You Flatly – He came a-round to the truth eventually.

Cuzco, The Prince Of Egypt – Hits from the comments: “I’m surprised he knew where the Sphinx was.”

What A Dummkopf – Where the heck did you go to school?!

(more…)

There are many stores in our chain, so each store has a small delivery radius. Our phone lines are also notorious for having terrible signal.

Me: “Hello, [Pizza Place], [Location]. This is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, I want four pizzas for delivery.”

Me: “Sure thing. Could I have your delivery address, please?”

We have to ask this first off as you don’t want to write up a massive order only for them to not be within your delivery radius.

Customer: *Incomprehensible*

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you repeat it, please?”

Customer: *Still incomprehensible*

Me: “I’m so sorry, our lines must be acting up again. Could you give me your address again, please?”

The customer starts yelling, and the line is still not clear, so they’re somewhat muffled.

Customer: “TAPE STREET!”

Me: “Hmm, I can’t seem to find Tape Street on our system, so we aren’t able to deliver to you. If you give me the suburb, I could maybe direct you to another store?”

Customer: “NO, TANK STREET! TANKS, AS IN THE METAL BOXES THE GERMANS INVENTED THAT RAN AROUND BATTLES SHOOTING PEOPLE! TANK STREET, YOU INCOMPETENT A***!”

Me: “Yes, I know what tanks are, but I’m sorry, Tank Street isn’t in our system, either, so I still can’t deliver to you. Do you want me to direct you to another store?”

Customer: “Oh.” *Hangs up pretty quickly*

I am notoriously bad with directions. My dad and I are planning on meeting in the town where we live; I am walking from my house and he is walking from his.

Me: “Where will I meet you?”

Dad: “You know the tackle shop?”

I’m a woman in my twenties with absolutely zero interest in fishing.

Me: “Why would I know where the tackle shop is?”

Dad: “You know the nail bar?”

I can’t express how little I care about nail décor.

Me: “Why would I know where the nail bar is?”

Mum: “You know the church?”

Me: “Which one?”

Mum: “The church of England in the middle of town.”

Me: “Uh…”

Eventually, Dad gets out Google Maps and points to a landmark.

Dad: “I’ll meet you here at 3:45.”

Me: “Oh, the fountain? Why didn’t you lead with that?”

Dad: “I didn’t think you’d know there was a fountain in town.”

Me: “But a tackle shop is essential knowledge?!”

Fortunately, I found him easily enough!

I pick up four somewhat drunk men around the age of thirty in the centre of Copenhagen. After they get in the taxi, I ask where they’re going. 

Customer #1: “Just drive south along the coast. We’re getting off in four different places.”

Within a few minutes of driving, I’m asked by the computer running the meter, the GPS, and so on, where I’ll end up and when I expect to be there. Because of this and because some people do tend to fall asleep when they’re a bit drunk, I ask where the last one of them is going.

Customer #1: “I’m going to [City thirty-five km south of Copenhagen].”

Me: “Where exactly in [City]?”

Customer #1: “It’s a very small town outside [City] called [Town].”

As it happens, I grew up in that very small town and I still have family living there, my mother being one of them.

Me: “Where are we going in [Town]?”

Customer #1: “It’s a small street called [Street].”

He is going to the very same small street my mother lives on.

Me: “And which number are we going to?”

Customer #1: “It’s number seven.”

I then look at him in the rear-view mirror.

Me: “That’s the new wooden house, isn’t it?”

His lower jaw actually dropped and I could almost see him thinking something along the lines of “Rain Man.”

I didn’t tell him that I’d passed that house thirty-five kilometres away numerous times, while they were building it, when visiting my mother further down the street.