We’ve had problems in the past with food delivery drivers taking our orders to our neighbours. Because we’re on an intersection, it’s somewhat understandable. For context, if our house is 13 Main Street, the house across the intersecting street and down one is 13 General Street. It’s an understandable mix-up, so I’ve started putting in the description for delivery drivers that we are on the corner and have no vehicles; the neighbours in question are bikers and have multiple cars. It has mostly fixed the problem… except for one day.

I’m at home waiting for an order when the phone rings with an unknown number.

Me: “Hello?”

Delivery Guy: “Yeah, I’m outside your house, but you’re not on a corner and there are cars here.”

I look outside and can see him parked across from the neighbour. I sigh deeply.

Me: “That’s because it’s the wrong house.”

Delivery Guy: “Oh.”

Seriously?!

At our call center, we are not allowed to give our location due to security and an incident that happened with a customer and a rep a few years ago.

A caller asks for my location and I tell her what we are supposed to.

Me: *Politely* “Ma’am, I’m on the east coast.”

Customer: “Oh, sounds foreign. Where is that?”

I am resisting the urge to head-desk when I look at her address. It’s in California.

Me: “Ma’am, you’re in California, right?”

Customer: “Right!”

Me: “Well, that’s the west coast of the United States. The east coast is on the opposite side of the country.”

Customer: *Totally innocent and not being mean at all* “Oh, wow! You guys speak excellent English! I know that outsourcing doesn’t always get good speakers but you’re one of them! The east coast… I wonder which part of India that is in…”

I ended the call as humanely as possible and closed it down just enough in time to burst out laughing.

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 18
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 17
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 16
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 15
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 14

My client is looking at Google Maps.

Client: “The arrow isn’t pointing to our company’s location. Can you change that?”

Me: “What arrow? The map doesn’t have an arrow. It’s just a map of your general location.”

Client: “How can you not see the giant arrow right there? Just fix it, man.”

It turned out it was an arrow-shaped lake.

Our company submits engineering plans to the county for review. One of the review comments is to transfer a portion of the land for widening the road in the future. The permit reviewer’s message states, “Dedicate land. Proposed twenty feet from the centerline, making it a future forty-foot road.” The current road is sixty feet wide and the county has already taken the land decades ago.

Typically, this mistake is due to them using an online map program that is not accurate. For context, the first message that appears before you can even use the program is, “All maps are not to be used for official purposes.” We send a comment back saying the road is already dedicated as a land survey was done. A week later, the same comment returns. I call the reviewer on the phone.

Me: “Your comment says for us to dedicate land for a future forty-foot road. The road is already sixty feet and is thirty feet from the centerline. If we do that, the county will be giving the owner of the property land.”

Reviewer: “The map says it is only thirty feet, so please dedicate it.”

Me: “The map is not accurate. It even says so before you can open it. The land survey, which is accurate, says it is sixty feet. Does the county want to give us land?”

Reviewer: “The map can’t be wrong.”

It took a week and two supervisors to tell him to knock it off.

I work as faculty support staff for the business school of a prestigious university. The school has just hired someone to a newly-created position as our administrative services director. Our department has a meet-and-greet with him soon after he starts, and we’re going around the room telling him our interests and hobbies.

Coworker: “…and I’m really interested in Indian history.”

New Director: “That’s wonderful! You must really love living here; there’s so much of that history around.”

There’s a mortified pause as we all realize he thinks she meant Native American history, but no one can quite bring themselves to correct him, so we just move on. He ended up staying for nearly five years and never improved on that first impression.