The Bourne Mystery

, , , , | Related | May 30, 2018

(I’m having lunch with my mum, who is telling me about a movie she and her best friend watched the weekend before. Both my mum and her friend are in their late 70s, love serious movies, and never ever watch any violent, naughty, or blockbuster-y types of movies.)

Mum: “So, the other day, [Friend] said there was this movie we really needed to see. It was supposed to be great and she got it especially for us: The Bourne Identity!”

Me: *nearly spits out my food laughing* “Oh, no! That is totally not your sort of movie! How did it go?”

Mum: “Well, the first quarter of it was in the dark, so we didn’t see anything that was going on! Then we had no idea who was who or what was happening. There was a car chase, sex, and gunfights!”

Me: “Why did you continue watching it?”

Mum: “We kept hoping it might all be explained!”

Achieved Nothing

, , , , | | Romantic | May 20, 2018

(I usually look after the house and shopping on weekends, but today, I’ll be busy working during shopping hours while my husband will be in charge of the house and our seven-year-old son. I leave him a short list of things we need, and insist he has to at least get cat sand so we can change the litter boxes. It’s Saturday, and pet shops are closed on Sundays. I come back from work seven hours later and have this conversation:)

Me: “So, how did the day go?”

Husband: “Good! We went to the swimming pool!”

Me: “Cool! Did you do the shopping? Did you forget anything?”

Husband: “Nothing.”

Me: “Really? You even got the cat sand?”

Husband: “No, we got nothing. We just went to the pool.”

(I had to run out and get food. Cats will have to wait till Monday for sand.)

Manage For Years To Come

, , , , , | Romantic | December 6, 2017

My husband works in a different town and only comes home on the weekends. He’s been doing that for over ten years now, and I am completely in charge of our seven-year-old son when he’s not around.

Last month he decided he needed a bit of time off, so he took a month of vacation; he’d accrued three months’ worth of days off to use. At the end of the month at home, he said to me, “You know, I’m glad I had this time off. Now I know you can manage our son all by yourself.”

Really? It only took him seven years to figure that out?

Principal Needs To Get With The Program

, , , , | Learning | October 18, 2017

(It’s back-to-school week, and we parents are all listening to a presentation by the teachers about what the school year will be like for our kids. One of the parents asks what the program is like, and the principal replies.)

Principal: “You can go see on our website. We have all the program detailed there in really simple terms, using words even you can understand, as parents: nothing too complicated, no difficult words…”

(She went on and on, explaining how they dumbed down the vocabulary for us. This is a private school; all the parents are high-powered CEOs, bankers, and doctors. I had a good laugh.)