Customer: *walks up and takes a deep breath* “WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE’RE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND BE SAD AND STUFF!”

Me: “So, one for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World?”

Customer: “That sounds lovely.”

(This is at a midnight showing of a newly released Star Wars movie.)

Me: “When the doors open, please go in and take your seats. You will not be allowed to save seats for people further back in line.”

(A customer waves his hand in the air like a Jedi.)

Customer: “You will let us save seats.”

(An angry-looking young couple storms into the convenience store.)

Man: “You sell cigarettes?”

Me: “Yes.”

Man: “You smoking b****es!”

Me: “I don’t smoke. I’m not the one that picks out the–”

Woman: “That is f****** illegal!”

Me: “No, actually, it’s not.”

(The woman pulled something out of her purse and wrote a message on it. She slammed it on the counter and she and her husband stormed off. I looked at it later and it was a picture of a Death Star. The message read, “This is coming to get you!”)

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(I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his twenty-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

Customer’s Son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

(We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

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(I am selling a replica phone box from the popular show ‘Doctor Who’ on an online auction site. In the show the phone box is actually a time machine/spaceship. I put my number on there so people can call me.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering about the replica phone box you are selling. Can it actually fly to other planets and go through time?”

Me: “Afraid not. It’s a replica… It’s fake.”

Caller: “Well, is it as big inside as in the show?”

Me: “No, that’s impossible to do. It’s a TV show so it’s not real.”

Caller: “What? You’re selling a replica? So, it can’t fly to other planets and through time?”

Me: “No one can make it like it is on the show. It’s impossible.”

Caller: “Excuses, excuses! You lying b****! I’m going to report you and sue!” *click*

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