That Will Certainly Be An Upgrade!

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2020

We just had a “Star Wars” day at our library. I’m checking out a father of two girls and talking to the girl nearest.

Me: “Did you have fun today?”

Little Girl: “Yep!”

Me: “Did you learn how to use the Force?”

Little Girl: “Uh-huh.”

Me: “Are you going to be a Jedi Knight when you grow up?”

Little Girl: “Well… first I’m gonna be a snail, and then I’m gonna be a Jedi Knight!”

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Geekdom Knows No Age Limit

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2020

I’ve worked for my boss for thirteen years, so I’m basically her personal assistant by now. This includes running errands when she can’t, such as buying groceries or refreshments for small parties.

It is one of those parties a few years ago that brings me to one of the local liquor stores. When I get to the checkout counter, I realize that while I have cash in my pocket, I’ve accidentally left my wallet in my car.

Me: “I’m so sorry, I left my license in my car. Is it okay if I leave this stuff here while I go get it?”

The cashier smiles and gestures to my shirt.

Cashier: “It’s cool. If you’re wearing that, I know you’re old enough to buy this.”

The shirt in question was my Mighty Morphin’ Blue Ranger shirt, and I was in my early thirties at the time, so he was right. I paid after confirming he wouldn’t get in trouble for selling me wine and beer without an ID.

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But Can She Do A Superhero Landing?

, , , , | Friendly | August 25, 2020

I am greeting members at a gym. A member walks in wearing a shirt with Deadpool riding a unicorn on it. I am female.

Me: “Hey, I like your shirt!”

The member looks at me, surprised and caught off guard.

Member: “Thanks?”

As he and his friend walk away, he turns to them and says:

Member: “Girls like Deadpool, too?!”

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Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 23

, , , , , , | Right | August 21, 2020

I’m in a bookstore looking at some fantasy books when I see a woman in her early twenties walk up to a table full of “Harry Potter” books and merchandise. She strikes up a friendly conversation with a little boy around seven to nine years old.

Boy: “But, why’s he so mean?”

Woman: “When his mom got together with his dad and he was conceived, his dad was under the effects of a love potion. Magic made it so he could never actually feel love.”

Boy: “How come that makes him mean?”

Woman: “When people don’t feel love, and people can’t make them feel loved and important, they do all sorts of things to feel like they’re important — even if that means they’re only important because they’re scary.”

The boy nods for a moment in understanding and then voices a new question.

Boy: “What’s ‘conceive’ mean?”

The woman’s eyes grow wide, and for a moment she struggles to figure out the right wording before just giving up.

Woman: “That’s a question more for your mom, kiddo.”

She ran all the way to the escalator!

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 22
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 21
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 20
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 19
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 18

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Our Chief Weapon Is Surprise!

, , , , , , , | Romantic | August 21, 2020

In the time before the plague, my husband and I used to be avid convention attendees. It was fun, both to dress up and see others in costume, and wherever we go, we always bring a digital camera with us, just so we don’t fill up our phones completely.

One year, on the third day of a three-day convention, we were on the signing floor, and my husband was waiting in line for a celebrity that I was not a fan of. Instead of waiting in line, I elected to go to the shop floor, digital camera in hand. On the way there, I spotted a trio of cosplayers dressed up as Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition and got their permission to snap a picture. I (purposely) never got around to telling my husband about it, and it was quickly buried by pictures of other costumes.

A week later, after we had both gotten home, my husband was going through the camera with a friend while I was working on something else in the same room. It was very rewarding when the running commentary that accompanied each picture suddenly stopped, and my husband looked over at me in surprise. “Well,” he said, “I wasn’t expecting this.”

Best prank I’ve ever pulled.

This story is part of our Best Of August 2020 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2020 story!

Read the Best Of August 2020 roundup!

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