Continuing the recent theme of amazing insults from old Scottish women, I overheard this amazing encounter years ago.

A customer is giving grief to a young girl at the checkout in a petrol station/small grocery shop. She couldn’t have been much older than sixteen, and this guy was really angry with her.

Customer: “What do you mean you stupid b****!? I need [premium fuel] for my engine! I’s a f****** Mercedes, I’m not putting that cheap s*** in it!”

Cashier: *Obviously upset and nervous.* “I’m sorry, sir, but [premium fuel] is restocked on Fridays, so we’re—”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care when it’s stocked! I need it f****** now!”

There is an older lady behind this total a*se of a customer and she taps him on the shoulder.

Old Lady: “Calm down! You’re making a fool of yourself and this poor girl doesn’t need to see it!”

The customer turns on the old lady and glares at her. I am looking at her for the first time myself and I realise that she’s tiny, she’s standing tall and confident, but she also has a small tube going into her nose and a small oxygen tank in her bag. This woman is ill but she’s standing her ground.

Customer: “Shut your trap you old bat. The only reason that you’re alive is because of the taxes I pay.”

Old Lady: “And the only reason that you’re alive is because your mom didn’t have nice enough t*ts to finish on! Now either pay for the petrol they do have or drive f****** anywhere else but whatever you choose – leave this poor girl alone!”

I stifle a laughter. This huge angry man continues to glare but it’s obvious he can’t win a battle of wits with this old sickly lady.

He then slams a £20 note on to the counter and storms out to fill up his tank. The old lady places some small grocery items on the counter, and the young girl at the checkout gives her the staff discount. A younger woman walks up and takes the arm of the older lady:

Other Woman: “Honestly, mam, I can’t take you anywhere.”

And off they go like nothing had happened. I completely forgot what I had gone into the shop to buy.

Related:
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman, Part 2
Never Pick A Fight With An Old Scottish Woman
Tell Me You’re In Scotland Without Telling Me You’re In Scotland
Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown

I’m working at a gas station on an overnight shift, and an old lady comes in.

Customer: “Where are the movie screens?”

Me: “Movie screens?”

Customer: “This is a movie theater, ain’t it?”

Me: “No, it’s a gas station.”

She looks confused. She then proceeds to nonchalantly just… s*** her pants right there in front of us. As she does this, the night manager comes out from the back.

Manager: “The f***?! You again! Get the f*** out of there!”

She hurls some abuse but exits the store, leaving a brown trail behind her.

Me: “What was that?!”

Manager: *Fetching some cleaning supplies* “Well… heroin is one h*** of a drug…”

Related:
Welcome To Retail, Part 8
Welcome To Retail, Part 7
Welcome To Retail, Part 6
Welcome To Retail, Part 5
Welcome To Retail, Part 4

I work at a car wash at a gas station. We have some of those vacuums that you put quarters in. A customer comes up to me and complains.

Customer: “The vacuum isn’t working! I put a dollar in, and it won’t start.”

I go to check out the problem.

Me: “Oh, it looks like someone has blocked the coin slot with something.”

Customer: “You mean the money slot? That was me! It won’t take my money!”

She had tried putting a dollar bill in the coin slot; she had folded it up a bunch of times to try and get it in.

I see a young customer pull up to the pumps in a Prius. They step out and stare at the pumps for an extended period of time. I assume it’s because we’re running short on all fuel except diesel, so they’ll obviously need to go somewhere else.

Nope.

They swipe their card and then grab the diesel pump.

I run outside as quickly as possible.

Me: “Ma’am! Ma’am! That’s the diesel pump!”

Customer: “I know! It’s the only one you have!”

Me: “Your car doesn’t take diesel!”

Customer: “It’s a hybrid, not electric. It takes gas.”

Me: “Yes, but not that gas!”

Customer: “I’m running late, and I—”

She aims the diesel nozzle into her tank, and I start flailing.

Me: “Ma’am! If you pump that into your car, you will ruin it and we will not be held liable.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for your stupid upselling!”

And with that, she does it. Yup. Gallons of diesel pouring into an unleaded gasoline-electric hybrid engine. She makes it a little way down the road before coming back.

Customer: “You have bad fuel!”

Me: “The fuel is fine, but your car isn’t designed for it.”

Customer: “But my car takes gas!”

Me: “It takes unleaded gas. Diesel is another type of gas.”

Customer: “There’s more than one type?”

Me: “What did you think all the different types of fuel at the pumps were?”

Customer: “I don’t know, like different brands or something?”

Me: “No, they’re the types of gasoline that your engine either works with or doesn’t.”

Customer: “So, does the diesel not work with my Prius?”

Me: “No, and I am wondering what you thought would actually happen.”

Customer: “I thought it would just, like, make the engine louder or something?”

She asked us to drain her tank and get a refund. I just laughed at her and told her to call AAA.

It’s 4 AM and I’m finishing a cleaning task when my coworker calls out to look at my register. All of the gas pump indicators are flashing, because the pumps have been shut off. None of us had shut them down, so we were just about to call for the manager when an older gentleman comes rushing in.

Customer: “Hey, I pulled up to get some gas, and the pump was spewing gas everywhere so I hit the emergency shut-off switch.”

Holy cow! Two weeks ago, a car with an electrical problem caught fire in the parking lot (not actually at a pump, thank goodness), and customers couldn’t understand why they weren’t being allowed to pump gas.

This guy noticed the button, read the sign, and actually pushed it when needed! And came in to let us know!

I’m really glad he was there. It might have been much longer before the leak was discovered. It’s an environmental hazard and has to be cleaned a specific way. I estimate that no more than a gallon was spilled. No idea what caused it. I’m just a cashier so someone else dealt with that. It was fixed within the hour, though.

The gentleman is a regular, and very nice. I hope management thanked him somehow.