Now Serving Vanilla, Strawberry, And Pig’s Blood

, | USA | Working | September 2, 2016

(I hit my head in the cooler on the big cooling unit while stocking the beverages. My head starts bleeding profusely. I run into the bathroom to try to stop it, but blood keeps pouring down my face like a scene out of Carrie.)

Coworker: “Are you okay?”

Me: “No. Dan you call my husband to come get me? And call [Boss] to have him come cover my shift.”

Coworker: “I’ll be right back.” *calls people* “[Boss] says he doesn’t want to come back in because he already worked today. Your husband is on his way.”

Me: *still bleeding* “What does he mean he doesn’t want to come in? It’s his job! I can’t keep working like this!” *points to head wound*

Coworker: “I have a line out front. Do you need anything?”

Me: “No, I’ll just wait in here until my husband comes.”

(My husband arrives with another family member to drive my car home. As I am exiting the building, the phone rings. Out of reflex I answer it; it’s the boss.)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name], [Coworker] says you’re going home because you hurt yourself?”

Me: “Yes, I hit my head and I’m bleeding. My husband is here; I’m going home.”

Boss: “Well, we can’t leave just one person working…”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, [Boss], but it’s up to you to figure out. I’m going home.”

Boss: “Well… can you stay? I already worked today. I don’t feel like coming back in.”

Me: “Can I STAY?! I’m bleeding profusely from a head wound and I look like Carrie at the prom. If you want me to make sandwiches and scoop ice cream and bleed all over the food, you can take that up with the health department yourself. But I’m going home.”

Boss: “Well… can you call [Different Coworker]? I really don’t feel like coming in.”

Me: “She already worked today, too. She’s not going to want to come in. It isn’t my job to find coverage for my shift when I get hurt at work. I’m going home. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

The Idiot Cycle

| Germany | Right | August 12, 2016

(The gas station we are at has four pumps which are built in a rectangle. While our parents are inside to pay, my brother and I stay in the car. In front of us stands a young man with his small car, which has the tank trim on the left side, while he stands on the top right pump (meaning the pump is on his right side). He gets out, tries to pull the pump and realizes that the tube is too short. He shrugs and gets into his car. My brother and I are already watching with amusement.)

Me: *to my brother* “I bet he’ll start going in circles.”

Brother: “No way.”

(The young man starts his car and makes a beautiful u-turn to the opposite pump, gets out, and discovered that the tank doesn’t move by going in circles.)

Brother: “…”

(It took us a whole 10 minutes to gain enough composure to tell our parents why we were actually laughing.)

Nothing Stops You From Getting Your Muffin

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Friendly | August 12, 2016

(I have just landed back in Australia, after over 24 hours of travel. It’s nine pm. My parents pick me up from the airport for the three-hour drive back home. Along the way, we decide to stop at a service station to fill up and buy something to eat. Unfortunately, they take cash only, and this means we spend quite some time in the shop, trying to find something everyone can eat with the small amount of cash we have put together. We make sure to stand at one end of an aisle so we’re not blocking the place up; worst case scenario, you’d have to walk three feet out of your way, tops.)

Me: “So if you get the [Soft Drink], we can probably share and—”

(At this point, there’s a man standing behind us growing increasingly agitated. I try to gesture to the completely bone-empty path we’re not blocking, thinking he must not have seen it, as I continue talking.)

Me: “…I’ll just get the muffin. Do you think there’s—”

Guy: “F****** h***! Are you going to god-d*** stand around all day? You’re blocking up the whole f****** shop! What the f*** are you doing, you b****y f******—”

(Enraged, he seemed to lose the capacity to speak. He pushed past us, forcibly shoving me out of the way in the process, and stormed out of the shop. I bought my muffin anyway.)

Talking Cheap Baloney

| NY, USA | Right | August 1, 2016

(A customer approaches me at the register. He is wearing a shirt that indicates he is involved with a particular youth organization.)

Customer: “Do you have any cold sandwiches here?”

Me: “We have a few in the deli case there, and there’s also a [Pizza Chain] that does sandwiches across the street—”

Customer: “I don’t want to give them my business.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, the sandwiches we have are right down the aisle there.”

Customer: “They have a special, a large cheese pizza for [price] so I asked if I could get a large pepperoni for that price instead because it’s for [Youth Organization] but they said no, that it would be [slightly higher price] to add pepperoni. I can’t believe that!”

(The customer inspects our sandwiches and then leaves. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “I know that ‘thrifty’ is one of the values of [Youth Organization] but there’s a line between that and just plain cheap!”

The Idiot Cycle

| Germany | Related | July 31, 2016

(The gas station we are at has four pumps which are built in a rectangle. While our parents are inside to pay, my brother and I stay in the car. In front of us stands a young man with his small car which had the tank trim on the left side, while he stands on the top right pump, meaning the pump is on his right side. He gets out, tries to pull the pump and realizes that the tube is too short. He shrugs and gets into his car. My brother and I are already watching with amusement.)

Me: *to my brother* “I bet he’ll start going in circles.”

Brother: “No way.”

(The young man starts his car and makes a beautiful u-turn to the opposite pump, gets out, and discovered that the tank doesn’t move by going in circles.)

Brother: “…”

(It took us a whole 10 minutes to gain enough composure to tell our parents why we were actually laughing.)

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