Fire Not Works

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Right | July 6, 2017

(It’s nearing Halloween and the gas station I work at is selling an assortment of fireworks. A customer comes in to purchase gas when he notices them behind the till. In particular he sees our various kinds of sound shells.)

Customer: “Hey are those hummer-oos? How much are they?”

Me: “The packs are $2.99 plus tax.”

Customer: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take three packs, then. They weren’t even that cheap when I was a kid.”

(The customer looks around mid-thirties so that’s unlikely. I ring the customer through for his gas and fireworks, and he starts towards the front door. Just as he reaches the door he turns back around.)

Customer:” Can I set these off right out here?” *he points out the door and right near our gas pumps*

Me: *horrified* “No!”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *he then pumps his gas and leaves without a word*

(I’m sorry, but in what world could you set off fireworks at a gas station?!)

Money Talks – So You Don’t Have To

, , , | Right | July 2, 2017

(I work the third shift alone, and serve customers through a turnstile window. The intercom is designed to let me hear everything going on outside, but customers can’t hear me unless I push the button to talk. If a customer stands at the window, I can hear them from pretty much anywhere in the store, so i try to encourage people, through facial expressions, to ask for items while I’m still out from behind the counter. It doesn’t always work, so I get conversations like this:)

Customer: *hits buzzer and puts money in the turnstile/window*

Me: *offers up can-I-help-you look*

Customer: *points at money*

Me: *I walk over to the intercom* “How can I help you?”

(Customer points at money again, with a smug look.)

Me: “Okay, you have $20. Congratulations. Did you want soda-pop, cigarettes, or candy?”

Customer: *grins sheepishly* “Pump three, please.”

But The Chocolate Bars Would Have Been Bigger

, , , , | Working | June 16, 2017

(I am paying for fuel and snacks. A lot of credit/debit card machines allow you to tap to pay, but some still require the pin. I’m not certain what the limit is for tap and pay on my card so I usually try it and see if it asks for a pin.)

Me: “Can I tap it or do I need to put in the pin?”

Cashier: “No, it’s chip and pin. We haven’t got the new machines yet. Old school.”

Me: *jokingly, as I put in my pin* “What is this, the 20th century?”

Cashier: “Yeah, it’s like being in the ‘80s, haha.”

Me: *looks around at the pristine shop filled with well lit displays of convenience foods, the coffee machine, and the ATM in the corner* “Clearly you don’t remember the ‘80s.”

Cashier: *handing me my receipt* “Well, I wasn’t born then. Why, what would this have been like in the 80s?”

Me: “You would have been in a little shack with maybe a few chocolate bars and a toilet if you were lucky.”

Cashier: *looks genuinely shocked*

A Potential Explosion Of Complaint

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(I work in a 24-hour service station and as such I see plenty of people lighting cigarettes at the pumps, talking on the phone while pumping, etc, but this story by far takes the cake as the most incredible lack of common sense I have ever seen in my life. It is about 8:30 in the morning and I am changing the bins in the forecourt when a truck driver approaches me.)

Truck Driver: “They’re not allowed to do that, are they?” *points to one of the pumps*

(I look over to see a man connecting jumper cables to his battery, AT THE PUMP.)

Me: “No, they’re not.” *walks over to them* “Hi, guys. I’m sorry, but you can’t try to jump start it here. You need to move it away from the pump.”

Customer: “We can’t start it to move it.”

Me: “I understand that, mate, but you need to put it in neutral and try to roll it away. If you try to jump start it here, it could make a spark and the whole place could go up.”

(At this point the customer pretty much ignores me and continues connecting the leads. Luckily by this stage the man who is kind enough to offer to use his car to jump start it is within earshot.)

Me: “I’m sorry guys, but you REALLY can’t jump start it here!”

Kind Customer: “Oh, we can’t?”

Me: “Not right next to the pump. You need to try and move it away.”

(The customers manage to roll the car away from the pump and jump start it. I just couldn’t believe the complete lack of disregard for everyone’s safety!)

Bad Jokes Have A Cost

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(I’m in line behind a customer who’s purchasing around $50 worth of stuff. He hands over a $50 bill to the cashier.)

Customer: “It’s all right; I just printed it this morning.”

(The cashier pauses as the customer smirks. She then picks up her counterfeit pen, and the smirk vanishes from the customer’s face as she draws a line across the bill which promptly turns black. There is a moment of silence as both of them stare at it.)

Cashier: “Yes, sir, it appears you did. Or someone did, at least. Do you possibly have another form of payment?”

(The customer started stammering excuses that he got the bill from another store, he had no idea it was fake, this was an outrage, etc. as he hands over his card and completes the transaction. Afterwards the cashier sends the now red-faced customer to the service desk to see if they can help him out in some manner. Probably not the most exciting story, but it’s the first time I’ve seen that old joke end with a new twist.)

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