(One day, at around 10:00 pm, I am working the till at a small store. A man comes in wearing a high-vis jacket. He walks around for a while, going to the back. He opens and closes all of the beer fridges before buying some gum and then leaving. The man comes back about 45 minutes later, drunker than he was before. He staggers to the back and opens the beer fridges again. I tell my manager that I have a suspicion about what he is doing, but there are no cameras and the man has no bag to hide the booze. He buys more gum and leaves. My manager follows him around the side of the store and sees that he is drinking beer. My manager is angry that the guy has been stealing, but can’t do much as the guy has already left the store. But then, he comes back. We both watch as the man walks to the beer coolers and slips two six-packs into his high-vis jacket. My manager stops the guy before he gets to the till to buy his gum and asks him to remove the beer.)

Drunk: *slurring* “It’s not beer. It’s fat. I’m fat.”

Manager: “Sir, please remove the beer from your jacket. I know that you’ve stolen from us twice already. If you remove the beer and leave, I won’t call the police.”

Drunk: “It’s not beer! I’m fat!”

Manager: “Please–”

Drunk: “I’m fat fat fat!”

(The drunk ran for the door, and my manager just let him go with a sigh as the guy was shouting and acting crazy and he didn’t want us to get hurt.)

(A customer comes in with a gift card he won at a convention. While it is a card we take, it is generally used for diesel purchases and he has already pumped his gasoline. This conversation happens after I’ve tried running it several different ways and calling the card company.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it looks like this card won’t run. Do you have another way to pay?”

Customer: “This is bulls***! Run it again!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve already tried every way I know to run it. I’ve called the issuing company and they couldn’t do anything, either. Are you sure it had money on it?”

Customer: “Of course it did! I just won it in a drawing! How long have you even worked here?!”

(This question happens a lot when customers get mad and try and bully any of the girls working. I’m generally pretty easygoing and soft-spoken, but this always gets me riled up.)

Me: *smiling* “Five years.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, fine, here’s the cash!”

(He threw his money on the counter. Unfortunately, he came back the next night. A truck driver stepped in and bought the card off of him before he could get too mad. I always wondered if he got ripped off!)

I am pumping gas one day with my two little boys in the car and a yellow and black car pulls up behind us. My younger son immediately shouts with happiness that Bumblebee is behind us, in car mode. As I finish pumping gas, he asks if he can say hi to his favorite Transformer.

When I ask the owner if it would be okay if my son says hi, he smiles and agrees as he’s laughing. My four-year-old is shaking with happiness as he says hi to the car and then skips back to ours.

I thank the guy. My older son, who’s stayed silent for most of this, says the world isn’t all bad.

(I am getting coffee at a local gas station one morning. Behind me is a man who is very obviously a construction worker. I’m quietly whistling “Baby Elephant Walk (the theme from Hatari!)” to myself while I pour my coffee.)

Construction Worker: “Ah, nothing like a little Henry Mancini to start the morning off right.”

(That taught me never to judge a book by its cover.)

(My friend and I are in the midst of a road trip and have pulled into a gas station. While I refuel the car, my friend goes inside to get us some drinks. There’s a woman in an extremely low-cut top hanging around by the door, and I can hear enough of what she’s calling to the people going by that I have a pretty good idea of what she’s doing. As my friend goes inside, he pauses and says something to her. Eventually, we all get back in the car.)

Me: “What’d you say to that woman?”

Friend: “Who?”

Me: “Over there by the door. I saw you talking to her.”

Friend: “Oh, it’s nothing. I just told her I didn’t have any change.”

Me: “Dude, she’s not begging. She’s a prostitute. She was propositioning you.”

Friend: “Wait, what?! I wasn’t listening! I just assumed she was asking for money!”

Me: “Well, technically, she was! She doesn’t do it for free!”