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Thought It Was One Giant Smoking Mirror

, | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(We sell cigarettes, and you can clearly see them as soon as you walk in the door.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you guys sell cigarettes here?”

Me: *being humorous, thinking he is as well* “No, we don’t, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll go somewhere else.”

(As he started to leave, another cashier motioned to the wall of hundreds of cigarettes behind the counter, and lucky us, he found humor in his mistake, as well as we did.)

A Hot Slice Of Common Sense

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(My husband and I are regulars at a certain gas station that has an independent pizza chain inside. For the past month the gas station’s computers keep shutting down, effectively closing the gas station. However, the pizza place is still open. There are signs on the doors explaining the situation, bags on the pumps, two of the three entrances are locked, and the store area is barricaded. The lights are on, as employees are cleaning and waiting to help the computer staff. Two men around the same age as me (late 20s) come in.)

Customer #1: “How the f*** the store gonna be closed? I need my washer fluid!”

Customer #2: “I know, right? That’s f**** up! We should call the head people on their lazy a****!”

Me: “Did you see the signs, hon? Their computers are down for the second time this week. They can’t do anything without them.”

Customer #1: “Well, I need my stuff. This is f***** up! They should be open!”

Customer #2: “Why are they closed? Where the f*** are the signs?”

Me: “You mean like the ones on all three LOCKED doors? Or the bags on the pumps? Or maybe you missed the barricades to the main store area? They may even have signs on the pumps themselves.”

Customer #1: “What the f*** am I supposed to do now?!”

Me: “Well, you could try the gas station not two miles from here.”

Customer #2: “Ain’t nobody got time for that s***! We came here to buy s***!”

Me: “Or, you could stop complaining and buy pizza like the rest of us since you wanted to buy s***!”

(They turned around, shut up, and bought pizza!)

Threatened By Your Own Threat

| Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(It’s a typical busy time with folks who’ve just gotten off from work dropping by to grab smokes, beer, drinks, snacks, or other sundries on their way home. A man who appears to be, at the most, 21 years old has approached the counter asking for cigarettes but doesn’t have any ID on him. The typical bouts of arguing and cussing from him followed by me stating it’s policy and I have to card him ensues, up until he pulls out his phone and brandishes it at me like a weapon.)

Customer: “All right, let’s try this in a way that you might understand. I’m a personal friend of the head honcho of this chain. I press a few numbers on my phone, say a few words to him, and he will literally give me the order to fire you and boot you out the door myself!”

(A pause ensues as I try to process if he’s being serious.)

Customer: “Hey, you listening to me? Give me the d*** smokes or your worthless a** is going to be hitting the pavement outside.”

(I lean to the side and look at the line behind him.)

Me: “Sir, do you know how to run the register here?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Have you been trained in the pricing of items or our stock?”

Customer: “What? No!”

Me: “Do you know the codes to our safe? How to make change? How to mop and clean the store? How to lock up?”

Customer: “I just said, no!”

Me: “Then I feel I should point out that if you do get me fired there will be no one to ring up you or any of the folk behind you as it’s just me running the store today. Kick me out and you’ll basically be ensuring no one can buy anything from here, meaning you’ll also have to send everyone away empty handed and probably lose the store a lot of money. I don’t think your friend will like that.”

(The customer pauses and looks again at the growing number of folks, many of whom are now looking rather annoyed.)

Man In Line: “I just finished a 12-hour shift. All I want is to buy some beer, go home, and relax. If you’re going to tell me I can’t do that simply because of your own incompetence in not bringing ID then your friend, the head honcho, is going to be getting a very strongly-worded complaint. Probably it’ll be more than one considering how many of us are waiting for you to finish your business!”

(Several other customers voice their agreement, causing the problem customer to scowl.)

Customer: “Man, f*** this! I’m not wasting any more time here!”

(He storms out and I start serving the man who spoke up.)

Me: “Just goes to show most folks like him don’t actually think about the logistics of their threats before screaming their heads off. After all, if it weren’t for us lowly workers they’d have to be the ones doing all these menial jobs.”