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What Plays Around Comes Around

| Clayton, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I work as a cashier at a gas station. It is a small store and not very busy with only one register. Luckily, this is the most relaxed manager I’ve ever had; I am allowed to be my blunt self. After cashiering for several years, I am so sick of the little “jokes” that customers say and do. (Like, “Oh, no price tag. That means it’s free!” A customer is purchasing a pack of cigarettes and a candy bar. He looks to be in his 40s or 50s.)

Me: “That’ll be [Total].” *I reach to take the bill from his hand.*

Customer: *pulls the money back*

(I set both hands down on the counter and stare at him as he smiles, thinking this is a fun thing to do. He holds the money closer to me again and I hold my hand out for him to place it in.)

Me: “I work until 3:30, so I’ve got all day. It won’t bother me a bit if you don’t get your smokes and chocolate.”

Customer: “You don’t play around, do you?”

Me: “Nope. At least two people a day try that.”

Customer: “Fair enough.”

(He handed me the cash and I finished the sale. I guess we were close to his house or job because I started seeing him on my shift fairly frequently and he eventually became one of the customers I shared friendly banter with, so no hard feelings. The same stupid jokes all day every day gets really tiring, so please try to avoid them!)

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A Customer Over Troubled Water

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(The phone rings.)

Customer: “You f****** idiots broke my truck!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “DIDN’T YOU F****** HEAR ME? YOU. BROKE. MY. BRAND. NEW. TRUCK!”

Me: *remaining calm* “Can you please tell me what happened?”

Customer: “I was in on Saturday and filled with diesel. It started to make an awful noise and isn’t f****** running right. The mechanic said there is water in the diesel and now you have to f*****fix my f****** truck, you d*** c***!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but if we had water in our diesel, we would have had a lot more complaints that just yours. I will transfer you to my manager; please give me one moment.”

(I cut off the customer before he could say anything. My manager got the time he was in a few days before and all of his information. My manager hung up on him after a few death threats and more foul language. When we looked at the camera, the guy had put a whole jug of DEF into his gas tank, which is about 60% water and which YOU DO NOT MIX WITH FUEL. The police got a copy of the video along with his name and license plate. Oddly enough, we never had to deal with him again.)

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The Idiot Cycle

| Germany | Family & Kids, Popular

(The gas station we are at has four pumps which are built in a rectangle. While our parents are inside to pay, my brother and I stay in the car. In front of us stands a young man with his small car, which has the tank trim on the left side, while he stands on the top right pump (meaning the pump is on his right side). He gets out, tries to pull the pump and realizes that the tube is too short. He shrugs and gets into his car. My brother and I are already watching with amusement.)

Me: *to my brother* “I bet he’ll start going in circles.”

Brother: “No way.”

(The young man starts his car and makes a beautiful u-turn to the opposite pump, gets out, and discovered that the tank doesn’t move by going in circles.)

Brother: “…”

(It took us a whole 10 minutes to gain enough composure to tell our parents why we were actually laughing.)

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Talking Cheap Baloney

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(A customer approaches me at the register. He is wearing a shirt that indicates he is involved with a particular youth organization.)

Customer: “Do you have any cold sandwiches here?”

Me: “We have a few in the deli case there, and there’s also a [Pizza Chain] that does sandwiches across the street—”

Customer: “I don’t want to give them my business.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, the sandwiches we have are right down the aisle there.”

Customer: “They have a special, a large cheese pizza for [price] so I asked if I could get a large pepperoni for that price instead because it’s for [Youth Organization] but they said no, that it would be [slightly higher price] to add pepperoni. I can’t believe that!”

(The customer inspects our sandwiches and then leaves. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “I know that ‘thrifty’ is one of the values of [Youth Organization] but there’s a line between that and just plain cheap!”

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Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 3

| UK | Bad Behavior, Transportation

(A young woman comes in to pay, while we can see her mother waiting in their car. In the UK, customers fill up their cars themselves, and then pay for the fuel.)

Customer: “£10 on pump six, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no fuel there. Are you sure that’s the correct pump?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure; it’s that red car.”

Me: “Well, there’s no fuel there. Perhaps she hasn’t fueled up yet?”

Customer: “I guess you’re right…”

(Five minutes later, she reaches the front of the queue again.)

Customer: “£10 on pump six?”

(I look out the window, the mother is still sitting behind the wheel of the car, and there’s still no fuel recoded on the pump.)

Me: “Uh… there’s still no fuel for you to buy.”

Customer: “What- still? This is unbelievable!”

(She leaves again. Shortly afterwards, we watch as the red car reverses away from pump six, then reverses towards a different pump, so it’s now facing the wrong way. The mother finally activates a fuel pump for us, fills up, and comes inside herself.)

Customer #2: *throws a £10 note on the counter* “£10 of fuel on pump seven, PLEASE!”

Me: “Uh, there’s £20 recorded on that pump. Are you sure that’s you?”

Customer #2: “Yes, I am SURE, and I am very annoyed, because I’ve been here for over 10 minutes now, and it took way too long for me to be able to fill up!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, but please be aware that it can take up to 20 seconds for the fuel to start flowing once you lift the nozzle. If you put it back in the cradle before it’s activated, then nothing will happen.”

Customer #2: “But I didn’t even touch anything! Why wasn’t the pump working? You need to put up a sign saying that your pump is out of order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Are you saying you never actually placed the nozzle in your tank? You need to physically move the nozzle, or of course it won’t work.”

Customer #2: “Really? That’s a bit stupid; I don’t like it at all!”

Me: “This is how every filling station in the country operates, ma’am… I really don’t know what else to say?”

Customer #2: “Well, they don’t do it like this in Ireland, I can assure you! And I only have £10.” *indicates her daughter in the queue behind her* “She can pay the other half. There should be a sign!”

Related:
Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 2
Feeling Fuel-ish

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