Should Try The Self-Checkout Next Time

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Working | February 9, 2015

(I am the customer in this story, buying drinks from a gas station. I work in retail myself. The cashier rings me out like normal until after the last register beep.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Cashier: *looking at me like I have horns*

Me: “Oh, my god, I cannot believe I just did that. I’m a cashier myself and didn’t realize how much of a habit that had become! I’m so sorry!”

Cashier: *dies of laughter*

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Never Too Old To Have A Crack At It

| TN, USA | Romantic | January 24, 2015

(An elderly man about 80 years old with a cane walks into the service station I work at and buys two 24 packs of water. I decided it would be nice to help him out to his car with them.)

Old Man: “You sure are a pretty young lady.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Old Man: “How old are you?”

Me: “24…”

Old Man: “I sure do like pretty young ladies. The girl I am dating now is 26.”

Me: *frowns*

Old Man: “She’s pregnant and she’s a crack w****. I’m going to get it tested when it comes out. I don’t think it’s mine. She actually prefers black guys but is just with me for my money so I am looking for a new woman. You interested?”

Me: “Not at all, sir. Now you have a nice day and good luck with… all that.”

(I shove his water in the car and walk back to the store face-palming all the way. When I get back in I tell my coworker what the old man said.)

Coworker: “I could have told you that would happen. I know him; he’s like that.”

Me: ” …then why didn’t you?!”

Not So Closed Minded, Part 7

| Australia | Right | January 20, 2015

(Near the end of my night shift I have been held up. The doors are smashed to pieces, there are at least four police cars on the forecourt (including the dog unit), several police in the store and crime scene tape across the entrance. While being interviewed by a detective I notice a regular walking up to the door.)

Policeman: “You can’t go in there, ma’am.

(He is on the other side of the forecourt, too far away to stop her. The customer ignores him and moves the cones.)

Policeman: “Ma’am! You can’t go in. They’re closed.”

(She ignores him again, ducks under the tape and weaves her way through the shattered glass past two more shocked policemen. After picking up the newspaper she walks to the counter.)

Manager: “We’re closed.”

Customer: “Oh. Really? Why?”


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Has A Load Of Explaining To Do

| MI, USA | Right | January 9, 2015

(I am helping an older couple buy lottery tickets. They have a ten dollar bill, and their total is at nine dollars.)

Wife: “Why not get one more 1$ dollar ticket. I’ll blow my load!”

(I am thinking: do not laugh at that! You are an adult. That was an innocent statement meaning she’ll spend all her money. Maintain composure! Unfortunately she says it again, and the husband and I make eye contact and die laughing.)

Husband: *mutters* “It means something different these days; I’ll explain on the way home.”

(I can only imagine what that conversation was like!)

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A Complete Gas-hole

| USA | Friendly | January 7, 2015

(I’m walking home, and make a detour to a gas station to grab some snacks and so on. I notice my shoe is untied, and stop to do it up outside the station, near where the cars are. A stranger approaches me.)

Stranger: “Hey! Let me fill your car up for you!”

Me: “What?”

Stranger: “Your car! I’ll fill it for you so you don’t have to!”

Me: “Oh, that’s very kind of you to offer, but ac—”

Stranger: “No, no, I have to! It’s a man’s job to do these sorts of things for women!”

Me: “Er, what?”

Stranger: “Like, my sister can’t even change a tire. But don’t worry! I’m always ready to help!”

Me: “Um, well, it’s nice that you want to help, but giving help when it isn’t wanted, and insisting on it when your offer is declined is kind of the opposite of nice. And besides—”

Stranger: “Oh, f***, are you a f****** feminist, too? Ugh! A man tries to do something nice for you and you don’t even appreciate it? I bet you can’t even fill your own car, anyway! You’ll probably run out of gas on the way home, and it’ll be your own d*** fault!”

Me: “Right. You’re not actually listening to me, so this is pointless. Goodbye.”

(I went and bought my snacks. While I was paying, I asked the cashier if I could stay inside the store for a while until the weird guy outside left. He agreed, so I hung around the store, able to see outside through the huge windows. The stranger decided to do me a ‘favor’ anyway, and started happily pumping gas into a random car he assumed was mine. After about a minute the owner of the car, a big burly guy, spotted the stranger and was less than impressed at finding a complete stranger handling his car. The stranger scuttled away, frightened. I hope he didn’t try to force his “help” onto anyone else again without at least listening to them first!)

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