Barking Up The Wrong Family Tree

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(Note: I am a teenager.)

Me: “Hey, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I have these gift cards, and I would like to exchange them for cash.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I cant do that. It’s store policy, as gift cards have no monetary value.”

(People are starting to line up behind the customer, and they are starting to get noticeably agitated, having to wait.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any idea who you’re speaking to?”

Me: “Not even a clue.”

Customer: “My father owns this store! Now give me my money, or I’ll have you fired!”

(The owner of the store is in the back, so I call him out.)

Me: “Boss, your daughter’s here to see you!”

Boss: “Daughter? I don’t have a daughter.”

(The customer’s face is growing red, and the people behind her start to laugh. I can tell she wants to run away, but she’s in too deep. My boss comes to the front to see what’s going on. My boss is an Indian man in his 60’s.)

Boss: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “This lady right here.”

(The white customer in her early 20s dips her head, and runs out of the store.)

Boss: “Maybe she forgot where her dad’s store is?”

A Fuelish Thing To Do

| Italy | Extra Stupid

(It’s a particularly cold evening. I’m chatting with a regular, while filling his tank.)

Regular: “It’s so cold today; you know what you should do?”

Me: “What?”

Regular: “You should take a barrel, put it in the middle of the pumps, fill it with wood, then light it up to warm the place.”

Me: “…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Regular: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t want to die.”

Looking For A Toast To The East Coast

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geography

(I work the night shift. We regularly get the bar crowd in trying to buy beer after the bars close. Due to a city ordinance, we can’t sell it after midnight.)

Drunk Customer: “Where is all your beer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t sell beer after midnight.”

Drunk Customer: “Well, where can I get beer?”

Me: *jokingly* “I think the bars are still open in New York City!”

Drunk Customer: “Cool, how do I get there?”

Me: “It’s over one thousand miles away.”

Drunk Customer: “No, which direction is it from here?”

Coworker: “That way.” *points east*

Drunk Customer: “Cool, well thanks.”

(He stumbles out towards his car. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “You’d better call the police.”

Coworker: “Already on it.”