Making You Feel Washed Out

| Maple Ridge, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(A customer has purchased a car wash.)

Customer: “I’ve never done this here before. What do I do now?”

Me: “Oh, it’s very simple. Just pull around to the entrance over there, and punch this code here into the keypad there. Then the red light will go green. Just drive in slowly until it turns red. It’ll wash your car, and when it goes green again you can go. Make sure you’ve rolled all the windows up before you go in.”

Customer: “Wait, I go in on the… red?

Me: “No, it’s just like a traffic light. Stop on the red, go on the green.”

Customer: “So, I go in when it goes…?”

Me: “When it turns green, yes. Just like a traffic light. Red means stop, green means go.”

Customer: “What do I do when it’s red?”

Me: “You stop. The brushes move around you, and when it’s done, the light will go green again, and you can go.”

Customer: “So I stop on the red, and go on the green? No, wait, that’s not right…”

Me: “No, that’s right. It’s JUST like a traffic light. When it turns green you drive in; when it turns red you stop.”

Customer: “So, I… go in when it’s green?”

Me: “Yup! Green means go. They both start with G’s, so it’s easy to remember.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! So green means go. Okay! But then red means…?”

Me: “Red means stop. Just like a traffic light.”

(The customer goes, clutching her code and repeating ‘Green means go, red means stop’ under her breath. Sure enough, she runs into trouble, and we have to go out and help her. The worst part is that SHE DROVE HERE.)

Out Of Gas And Out Of Patience

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

(It is the winter in the 70s, when people get their gas ration for the week according to the last number on the license plate. It is around 6am, and I need to drive to the gas station, get around the line of cars waiting, and open the pump. A customer in line starts shouting at me.)

Customer: “Hey! Kid! Quit cutting in the d*** line! I’ve been here an hour in this d*** cold! You can get your d*** gas when I’m done!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve just got to—”

Customer: “Don’t give me that; quit cutting in the line! Get to the back!”

(The customer proceeds to block his car in. I get out and walk to the pump. Other customers greet me by name, ask about the family, etc. Soon the irate customer pulls up to the pump.)

Customer: “Fill it.”

Me: *hangs the handle up* “I’m sorry, we’re out.”

Customer: “But I’ve been sitting here running my car!”

Me: “You should have thought of that before I had to walk up. Other customers used more gas, too. See you next week!”

Price-Rise Of The Machines

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

(We recently had a coupon printer installed that gives out coupons to customers. It says “Please take your coupon” whenever it prints.)

Coupon printer: “Please take your coupon.”

Customer: “NO! SHUT UP! I’M NOT TAKING MY COUPON!”

Me: “But… don’t you want your coupon? It’s good for 50 cents off a granola bar.”

Customer: “I would rather pay full price than do anything a robot tell me to!”