Hear-Resistible

| Greenville, SC, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(Both of my earlobes are stretched to half an inch.)

Young Girl: *in a loud kid’s whisper* “Mommy, her ears are broken!”

Mother: *mortified* “I am SO sorry!”

Me: *laughing* “No, no, it’s fine! That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!”

Cougar Town

| Plattsburg, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small town gas station where you can pump your fuel before you pay. A little old lady—who is probably in her 80s—comes in to pay for fuel.)

Old Lady: “I guess you want my money, right?”

Me: *smiling* “I’d hate to call the cops on you.”

Old Lady: “But it would spice up my day!”

Coworker: “You should let them pursue you!”

Old Lady: “Are there any cute ones on duty?”

Me: “Sherman?”

Coworker: “Eh. But he looks about 12.”

Old Lady: “But you find them young to raise them how you want!”

Not All Customers Are Sick

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

(A customer comes up to my counter.)

Customer: “I have a fascinating offer to make you.”

Me: “Uh-oh?”

Customer: “If you let me use some cleaners, and give me a free water from the fountain, I’ll clean up the mess I just made throwing up all over your bathroom.”

Me: “Oh… Well, the fountain drinks don’t have water, but I’ll get you some. [Coworker] over there is actually cleaning the men’s room right now, so you can talk to him.”

Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Oh, it’s alright.”

(She does indeed borrow some cleaning spray and some towels, and disappears into the women’s restroom for a few minutes. My coworker approaches.)

Coworker: “What was that all about?”

Me: “She didn’t say?”

Coworker: “She just said you said it was okay to borrow the cleaning supplies.”

Me: “Oh. She said she threw up and wanted to clean it up.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yup.”

(She comes back out at the end of this conversation.)

Customer: “Again, I’m really, really sorry.”

Me: “Most other customers would have just left it there and not even told us. You told us, apologized, and helped us clean it. You can come in here and throw up every night for all I care. Hope you feel better!”