Best Just To Enable Them

| Newark, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.'”

Me: “…Yes?”

Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

(The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.'”

Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

(She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

Screening Out The Stupids

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

Customer: *unintelligible*

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *unintelligible*

Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

Customer: “HELLO?”

(The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

Me: “What happened?”

Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

Me: “Okay?”

Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.'”

He Is Irony Man

| Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”