Screening Out The Stupids

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(Our car wash has an intercom in front so customers that have trouble can reach us inside the store. It’s a beautiful summer day, so the car wash doors are open.)

Customer: *over the intercom* “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

Customer: *unintelligible*

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *unintelligible*

Coworker: “I’ll go out there.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re not hearing you clearly in here. I’ll send someone out.”

Customer: “Hello? HELLO?”

Me: “Sir, someone will be right there.”

Customer: “HELLO?”

(The customer starts banging on the intercom. I see my coworker on the camera, and shut off the intercom. After a minute, the car drives in, and my coworker comes back.)

Coworker: “Well, that guy wins the idiot of the year.”

Me: “What happened?”

Coworker: “He said the screen froze and he couldn’t go further.”

Me: “Okay?”

Coworker: “So I pointed out that the screen said ‘Please enter car wash.'”

He Is Irony Man

| Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

Hasn’t Got A Leg To Stand On

| OK, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am mopping the floor when a customer walks in and proceeds to slip and fall.)

Customer: “I’M GOING TO SUE! You could have KILLED ME!”

Me: “Sir, there’s just two things wrong with your plan. One, I have ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs all over the store.”

Customer: “Well I didn’t see them! I think I broke my leg!”

Me: “Regardless, the store is released of all liability because they are out in highly visible places, and you just fell by one.”

Customer: “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

Me: “The other thing wrong with your plan is that I haven’t mopped over there yet. The floor is dry.”

(The customer gets up on his ‘broken’ leg and scurries out.)