Pumped For Revenge

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | April 22, 2015

(A customer comes to the cash desk:)

Customer: “Pump six.”

Me: “That will be £20.01 please.”

Customer: “Twenty pounds … and a penny! Hah! You win this time pump, but I shall have my revenge.”

(He pays and then walks towards the door, cackling maniacally and waving his fist in the air. As he leaves he shouts:)

Customer: “REVENGE SHALL BE MINE, PUMP SIX. WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!”

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No ID, No Idea, Part 19

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | April 7, 2015

(A girl who looks about 16 asks for a pack of cigarettes. For future clarity, this took place on November 25, 2014.)

Me: “Can I please see your ID?”

Customer: “I come here all the time and I never need my ID!”

Me: “Okay, but I personally haven’t seen you here before, so I just need to check it today.”

Customer: “I don’t have it, though! I never have it!”

Me: “All right, can I at least have your date of birth?”

Customer:“Uh… January 12th… 1992.”

Me: “So you’re 23, then?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Then how come the birthday you gave me would make you 22?”

(She turned bright red and quickly left the store.)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 18
No ID, No Idea, Part 17
No ID, No Idea, Part 16

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Tat Settles That

| NC, USA | Right | April 6, 2015

(I am standing in line behind a little old lady. I am covered in tattoos.)

Cashier: “Your total is $8. Will that be cash or credit?”

Little Old Lady: “I don’t have a credit card! And I only have $5 in cash!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, I have a few dollars you can borrow.” *holds out cash*

Little Old Lady: *turns around and sees me* “NO! I WILL NOT TAKE MONEY FROM A DEVIL WORSHIPER LIKE YOU! And look! You are buying cigarettes! Your generation will ruin us!” *storms out without paying*

Cashier: *to me* “She was buying tobacco and cigarettes!”

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Phoning In The Irony

| Michigan, MI, USA | Right | March 20, 2015

(My aunt is teaching me how to do dispatch at the gas station she owns, for whenever they’re busy. I’m too young to sell any cigarettes to a customer and someone else has to do it. If she’s busy or needs to help a mechanic she lets me run the front as long as I don’t sell any cigarettes, so I need to call for help on that a lot. A woman and her young girl walk in the store. The woman is on her phone playing a popular game.)

Little Girl: “Mommy! Guess what I learned at school today?!”

Woman: “Huh? Oh, yeah that’s great, [Little Girl].” *continues to play on phone*

Little Girl: “Mommy! I asked you to guess! It’s really fun; I promise!”

Woman: “Be QUIET! I’m busy! You can go pick up a piece a candy or something. I’m gonna pay for gas.”

Little Girl: “Okay!” *heads off, happy again, to get candy*

Woman: *walks up to our counter* “I need $20 on pump four, please.” *taps on phone*

Me: “All right, I’ll—” *I get a phone call from my aunt saying she won’t be back for a while and that I should call a coworker to help me with any cigarette sales* “—Okay, I’ll call her right away. Thank you.” *click*

Woman: *has put her phone away* “I find it very rude that you would talk on your cellphone while dealing with a customer! You young people must have those d*** things glued to your hands or something. You won’t even take the time to do your job!”

Little Girl: “Mommy, I got a [Candy Bar].”

Woman: “Yeah, okay.”

Me: “I’ll… just ring those up for you. That’ll be [total]. Have a nice day.”

Woman: *back to her game* “Huh? Oh, yeah. You, too. Come on, [Little Girl].”

(Honestly there have been dumber customers, but this really got on my nerves.)

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Biking Over To Weirdtown

| Madison, WI, USA | Working | March 19, 2015

(I’ve had a pretty rough day so far. In order to cheer myself up, I ride my bike to a gas station to buy some snacks.)

Station Attendant: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I am afraid that your vehicle emission level is too low. You would have to leave and come back in a vehicle with higher emissions.”

Me: *confused* “Seriously?”

Station Attendant: “No, just joking. By the way, my vehicle would not have enough emissions, as well.”

Me: “You ride a bike, too? Cool!”

(Later, as I am checking out:)

Station Attendant: “Now press the green button. Now enter your PIN. Now, put your thumb on the fingerprint scanner.”

Me: *confused* “What scanner?” *then I realize he is joking again*

Station Attendant: “Now, stare right here into the retinal scanner. By the way, you should wait a couple minutes before leaving the store, because you were just blinded by the laser.”

(This was a somewhat weird, but really funny encounter with a customer service rep. Thank you, attendant guy, for making my day a little brighter!)

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