Several years ago, I was working as a field tech for an IT services company. I’ve just finished my last ticket for the day, but I don’t have enough gas to get home. I’m also feeling a little worn out and decide to get some coffee, too, but I’m in an area where almost everyone is Mormon. For those that don’t know, Mormons aren’t supposed to drink coffee.

I’m also near a university that’s run by the Mormon Church, and drinking coffee is grounds (no pun intended) for expulsion. I pull up to a gas station, fill up, walk inside, grab a bottled coffee drink from the fridge, and bring it to the cashier. I’m feeling a little silly, so I decide to pull the cashier’s leg as she rings me up.

Me: *Dead-panning* “Do you need to see ID for this?”

Cashier: “The register just told me to ask for your ID.”

Me: *Laughs*

Cashier: “No, really. It said to card you. I’m not joking.”

She didn’t actually card me like the register told her to, but we both had a good laugh that I desperately needed!

On our cigarette display, we have price tags and signs right next to the price tags reading “when you buy three packs.” A customer is buying one pack.

Customer: “But the price tag says they’re [price]!”

Me: “The sign here reads, ‘when you buy three packs.'”

Customer: “Well, I can’t read that, so that’s false advertising.”

Me: “Th-that’s not what false advertising means?”

I am standing in line at a gas station convenience store with a coffee and snack. The other customer at the register looks like she may be in her fifties or later and possibly like she lives on the street. All she has is a bottle of water and a cup of dehydrated soup. The cashier can’t be more than eighteen years old.

Cashier: “Looks like your card didn’t go through. Do you want to try again, or do you have cash?”

Woman: “No.” *Tries it again* “Why isn’t it working?!”

Cashier: “We can try one more time.”

Woman: “It’s probably your stupid system, robbing me every time I swipe my card.”

Her card fails for the third time.

Cashier: “If you would like, I can hold these items, and you—”

Woman: “What I would like is a f****** soup and some f****** water. Okay?!”

Me: “Hey!”

Woman: *Spinning toward me* “What?!”

Me: “That attitude is not acceptable.”

Woman: “Don’t talk to me like a child.”

Me: “Don’t act like one.”

Woman: “What—”

Me: “I’ll pay for your water and soup if it will get you out of here.”

Woman: *Suddenly nice* “It’s been such a rough week., I can’t even begin to tell you. Thank you, thank you.”

I step up and add my purchases.

Cashier: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

Woman: “Add three packs of [cigarettes], a bottle of [liquor], and [lottery tickets] to this, too.”

Me: “No.”

Woman: “What?! You—”

Me: *Firmly* “No.”

Woman: “Fine! B****!”

She grabs her soup and water and walks out the door.

Woman: “F****** whore!”

Cashier: “Um… I don’t…”

Me: “It’s okay. I’ll pay.”

I see that woman every now and then, standing on corners asking for change. She must remember me, too, because she always flips me off.

A customer has accidentally pumped the wrong type of gasoline into their truck and is shouting at me about it.

Customer: “This is all your fault! All these gas stations only hire foreigners now! They should only be hiring pure Americans so these mistakes don’t happen!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a member of the Sioux tribe.”

Customer: “What does that mean?!”

Me: “It means you’re an idiot.”

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The gas station I work for still lets customers pump and then pay inside after. Because we’re the last gas station that does this, the drive-off reporting company we sent drive-off forms to went out of business. When customers drive off, we lose that money for good unless they return.

With the enormous rise of gas prices with inflation, people have been going to the end pumps, being authorized to pump, and then driving off after. The manager we have now made the wise choice to make all end pumps PREPAY OR PAY AT PUMP ONLY. At night, all pumps are prepay, and there are signs stating this. 

One night, after dark, a lady pulls up to the end pump and asks to be authorized. I respond over the intercom.

Me: “Pump 1, all pumps are prepay after dark.”

She continues trying to be authorized. I use the intercom again.

Me: “Pump 1, pump 1, all pumps are prepay after dark.”

I then see her stepping in front of her SUV and then giving up, hanging the nozzle up, and driving away.

Moments later, another customer comes in.

Customer: “I heard that girl out there yelling, ‘I can’t bring my card inside!’”

I don’t think she was going to pay, anyway. if you need gas, you find a way to get help with it.