In An Odd Interstate Of Mind

| WV, USA | Right | March 25, 2016

(I work at a gas station on the side of the interstate. To get back on the interstate, one simply continues driving straight, guided by cones, signs, and post. An older man approaches the gas station; I have the employee door unlocked as I have just swept the office. The customer looks at “employees only” sign and walks in anyway.)

Me: “Sir, you’ll need to go to the front doors. This is the employee door.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” *walks to front* “You see that car over there?”

(I look outside to the twelve cars sitting at pumps.)

Me: “Which one, sir?”

Customer: “That maroon one?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I’d like $30 on that pump.”

(I ring up the transaction.)

Customer: “How do I get back on the interstate?

Me: “You just head straight. Follow the cones and posts and the sign that says ‘Exit Here.’”

Customer: “Okay! So, I go back that way?” *points the opposite direction*

Me: “No, sir, that way.” *points to the correct direction*

Customer: “Okay, I’m trying to get to West Virginia, you see.”

Me: “Sir, you are in West Virginia.”

Customer: “No, this is North Carolina!”

Me: “No, sir, this IS West Virginia.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “I live here?”

Customer: “You need to learn your geography.” *leaves*

Me: “What just… what just happened?”

Should Have Been A Smoothie Transaction

, | USA | Working | March 18, 2016

(I stop at a gas station/convenience store on my lunch break to buy a kind of pre-packaged smoothie that you blend yourself. It’s a Thursday so I just got paid; I’ve had trouble in the past with my bank randomly putting holds on my paychecks, so with things like these smoothies, I always pay before preparing just in case it won’t go through.)

Me: “Hi. Just this, please.”

Employee: *picks up smoothie and looks at it* “This isn’t blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: *sets it down in front of me without ringing it in* “It’s not blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: “You have to blend it.”

Me: “…I know. I’ll blend it after I pay.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “So… can I buy this?”

Employee: “It’s not blended.”

Me: “Okay. I…” *I point to myself* “will blend…” *I swirl my hands around each other* “this smoothie…” *I point to the smoothie* “AFTER I pay.” *I wave my card toward the reader* “Okay?”

Employee: *skeptically* “Okay, but it’s not blended.”

(I have to take a few deep breaths before I can respond.)

Me: “I think I can handle the consequences of that, thanks.”

(He finally rings it through and I pay, then go blend my smoothie. As I walk out, I hear the employee shout with great revelation:)

Employee: “Oh! Well, you should’ve said you’d blend it once you’d paid.”

(It took all my self-control to not throw myself or the employee into traffic.)

Gas-Trick Bypassed

| TX, USA | Right | March 15, 2016

(My relief shows up to give me a break just as I finish selling a young man gas. He leaves, and then comes back.)

Customer: “It’s not working.”

(I look at the screen and he’s hung up the nozzle. I redo the transaction.)

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

(Relief takes over and I walk outside. The customer gets my attention as I walk past him.)

Customer: “Ma’am, it’s still not working.”

(I approach and notice he’s pulled the nozzle from the next pump over and around.)

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

A Chip Off The Old Stock

| TX, USA | Right | March 15, 2016

(It’s a busy day, there’s a long line of customers getting gas. I get to the last one.)

Customer: “Did that guy buy some chips?”

Me: “Uh, nobody bought chips. They have to bring them to the window so I can scan them.”

Customer: “Oh, then he stole them.”

Me: *trying to conceal irritation at both the thief and the fact that I didn’t see him* “I hope he enjoys them…”

Customer: “I hope he chokes on them!”

Strike And You’re Out

| Italy | Right | March 4, 2016

(We have a regular that always asks us to over-mark the amount of fuel he does on the expense sheet, which is illegal, but we comply because he always says “I did 20 yesterday evening on the self service” and we don’t want to delay other customers because he would make a scene. Today, however, it’s different.)

Regular: “Can you do [amount] and mark [higher amount] on the expense sheet? I came by yesterday evening and did 20€.”

Me: “Really? You came and did 20€ yesterday evening?”

Regular: “Yes…”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can mark that.”

Regular: “Why?”

Me: “We were completely closed for the national strike yesterday. No self service; nothing at all.”

(The look on the regular’s face was priceless.)

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