Demanding A Slush-Fund

| Granada Hills, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks in and buys a Drink. It is self serve, so we show him where the machine is. Five minutes later, he walks back in, with a big stain on his shirt. He yells at me.)

Customer: “You did this to me!!!”.

(I try to calm him down but he insists that I owe him free gas.)

Me: “A child could use this machine; why can’t you?”

(After arguing for a bit, an eight-year-old child came in, bought a hot dog and a Drink, and left. The customer sheepishly left. He came back three times in the next week demanding free gas and a new Drink.)

Unknown Caller Is On An Unknown Amount Of Substances

| Ada, MI, USA | Bizarre

(The caller ID says UNKNOWN CALLER.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station].”

Caller: “Hey, I was at your gas station earlier today and I bought an e-cigarette from you guys. I just wanted to let you know that when I lit my e-cigarette like I always do, it blew up.”

Me: “Pardon, sir?”

Caller: “Yeah, it exploded. I don’t know whether it was just my e-cigarette that was defective, or if it was all of them or what.”

Me: “I’m… sorry to hear that, sir. I’ll let my manager know, and we’ll see what we can do.”

Caller: “Yeah, that’d be great. Can I talk to your manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but she’s not here. She’s probably at home sleeping.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay… So, how are you doing tonight?”

Me: “Uh… I’m doing all right, sir. How are you doing?”

Caller: “Well, other than the e-cigarette blowing up in my face, I’m not doing too bad.”

Me: “That’s good to hear, sir.”

Caller: “Yeah. So how are you doing?”

Me: “I’m… doing fine, sir. Thank you.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s good. That’s good. Hey, what’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name], sir.”

Caller: “Okay, [My Name]. How are you doing tonight?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… I don’t understand.”

Caller: “How are you doing this evening?”

Me: “I’m doing just fine, sir. How about you?”

Caller: “Other than my e-cigarette blowing up, I’m doing all right. So how’s working at a gas station, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “It’s all right, sir.”

Caller: “Is it any fun?”

Me: “Not anymore than any other job, really, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s cool. Do you get a lot of bathroom and smoke breaks there?”

Me: “Well, I, uh, I step away from the register when I need to go to the bathroom, and I don’t smoke, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s good. That’s good. You shouldn’t smoke, [Not My Name]. It’s bad for you.”

Me: “I know, sir, that’s why I don’t.”

Caller: “Good. So… what else do you sell there besides gas?”

Me: “Well, mostly we sell cigarettes and junk food, sir.”

Caller: “How about soda?”

Me: “Yes, we do also sell soda, sir.”

Caller: “Do you get a lot of teenagers buying cigarettes, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “I do get a few, sir, but I always remember to card them.”

Caller: “That’s good, that’s good. Did you know, I was reading something on the Internet this morning, said that this generation of teenagers has the fewest smokers of any generation? Only like 9%.”

Me: “I believe it, sir.”

Caller: “But you still get a lot of teenagers buying cigarettes?”

Me: “Only if they’re of age, sir. I’d imagine that most of the other teens who don’t smoke don’t have a reason to visit our station as often.”

Caller: “Good point. So, what’s your favorite pop, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “I’d say [Soda], sir.”

Caller: “[Soda]? That’s a good pop.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “So do you, like, have cups you can fill with pop there?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you can fill a cup with soda at our gas station.”

Caller: “What kind of soda do you get from the fountain pop?”

Me: “[Soda], sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, ’cause that’s your favorite, right, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “So… you ever drank gasoline? ‘Cause y’know, you work at a gas station?”

Me: “Um… no sir.”

Caller: “You never drank gasoline? I always wanted to try it.”

Me: “No, sir, I think that would make me very sick.”

Caller: “Yeah, you’re probably right. So, how does the register work?”

Me: “Well, it’s a touch screen, sir. You just press the right buttons and the software handles the numbers.”

Caller: “Oh… do you sell a lot of [Candy #1]?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t sell [Candy #1] very often.”

Caller: “Do you sell a lot of [Candy #2]?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t sell a lot of [Candy #2], either.”

Caller: “Yeah, man, [Candy #2] are my favorite, [unintelligible].”

Me: “I see.”

Caller: “Hey, [Not My Name], what did you say your name was again?”

Me: “[My Name], sir.”

Caller: “[My Name]… like [My Name] the Bomb?”

Me: *having no idea who that is* “Yes, sir, like [My Name] the Bomb.”

Caller: “Cool. Hey, you’re a cool guy, so I’m gonna call you [My Name] the Bomb. Is that all right?”

Me: “That’s fine, sir.”

Caller: “Cool. Hey, I got stuff I gotta do, so I’m gonna go now, [My Name] the Bomb. I’ll call again later, all right?”

Me: *dear god, please, no* “Sure, sir.”

Caller: “All right. Later, [My Name] the Bomb.”

Me: “Have a good night, sir.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings, caller ID says UNKNOWN CALLER.)

Me: “NOPE.”

(I think he tried to light his e-cigarette with a lighter, like a real cigarette, and that’s why it exploded. Also, the third shift person went through that day’s transactions. We didn’t sell any e-cigarettes that day.)

No ID, No Idea, Part 27

| Tacoma, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Underaged

(A customer who looks to be about 15 at the most approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Two packs 100s!”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “I left my wallet at home, and before you say anything, I got my mom’s phone number so you can call her to confirm my age, and I’m good friends with the guy who runs this joint so don’t give me any s*** about how you can’t give me my smokes!”

Me: “May I ask a different question, then?”

Customer: “Only if you’re quick about it.”

Me: “If you don’t have your wallet, how were you planning to pay for your purchases?”

(All cockiness promptly drains from the customer’s face.)

Customer: “F***********k!”

(Stormed out.)

Related:
No ID, No Idea, Part 26
No ID, No Idea, Part 25
No ID, No Idea, Part 24

Needs To Change Their Attitude To Change

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Money

Me: *finishing the transaction* “And your total is $13.52 today.”

Customer: *hands me a $10 bill and $3.50 in quarters* “Close enough. Have a nice night!” *leaves*

Me: *fishes $0.02 out of my pocket* “You, too?”

All Pumped Up For The Wrong Reasons

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Transportation

(I work as a cashier at a pre-pay only gas station. Many customers don’t know we’re a pre-pay only station and frequently insert the nozzle into their car expecting us to turn on the gas for them, which we cannot do. The customer in this story has just tried to pump without paying and we’ve informed him over the intercom that he needs to come inside to pre-pay. He comes in moments later looking annoyed.)

Customer: “Why do I have to pre-pay?”

Me: “Sorry about the inconvenience; it’s store policy. How much would you like to pump?”

Customer: “I just want to fill it.”

Me: “In order to pre-pay we need a dollar amount of gas that you want to pay.”

Customer: “I don’t know how much I need; I just want to fill it.”

Me: “Yeah, but we don’t know how much it will take to fill your car. Just guess how much gas you need and if you don’t end up pumping it all into the tank you can come back in and get your change.”

Customer: “I don’t want to have to come back in. I just don’t see why I have to pre-pay. Is this such a bad neighbourhood that you get people driving off a lot?”

(I start to try and tell him the policy has to do with how our store is arranged, we can’t see the pumps well enough from the store to determine if someone drove off without paying, but before I can say that he interrupts.)

Customer: “Can’t I just give you my keys and you turn on the pump for me?”

(At this point my manager who is close by steps in to tell him we can’t do that and that he needs to pre-pay an amount before we can turn on the pumps, which he does but as he’s leaving he says:)

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t want to have to come back in for my change. It’s supposed to be a convenience store; this isn’t convenient.”

(He starts pumping his gas, and as he’s doing so my manager comments on how annoying it is when customers do this.)

Manager: “And you know the ironic thing is that if he left his keys in here, he would still have to come back in to get them.”

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