Talking Cheap Baloney

| NY, USA | Right | August 1, 2016

(A customer approaches me at the register. He is wearing a shirt that indicates he is involved with a particular youth organization.)

Customer: “Do you have any cold sandwiches here?”

Me: “We have a few in the deli case there, and there’s also a [Pizza Chain] that does sandwiches across the street—”

Customer: “I don’t want to give them my business.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, the sandwiches we have are right down the aisle there.”

Customer: “They have a special, a large cheese pizza for [price] so I asked if I could get a large pepperoni for that price instead because it’s for [Youth Organization] but they said no, that it would be [slightly higher price] to add pepperoni. I can’t believe that!”

(The customer inspects our sandwiches and then leaves. I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “I know that ‘thrifty’ is one of the values of [Youth Organization] but there’s a line between that and just plain cheap!”

The Idiot Cycle

| Germany | Related | July 31, 2016

(The gas station we are at has four pumps which are built in a rectangle. While our parents are inside to pay, my brother and I stay in the car. In front of us stands a young man with his small car which had the tank trim on the left side, while he stands on the top right pump, meaning the pump is on his right side. He gets out, tries to pull the pump and realizes that the tube is too short. He shrugs and gets into his car. My brother and I are already watching with amusement.)

Me: *to my brother* “I bet he’ll start going in circles.”

Brother: “No way.”

(The young man starts his car and makes a beautiful u-turn to the opposite pump, gets out, and discovered that the tank doesn’t move by going in circles.)

Brother: “…”

(It took us a whole 10 minutes to gain enough composure to tell our parents why we were actually laughing.)

Pumping Out Lies

| PA, USA | Working | July 22, 2016

(I’m visiting my family in a fairly rural area. I’ve rented a car for the trip, so I don’t know all the specifics of the car. I’m running low on gas as I’m driving around running errands, and see a gas station with low prices. I pull in to get gas, but they don’t have the option to pay at the pump, so I go inside.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to fill my tank on pump three. Can you process that in here with a credit card?”

Cashier: “We can take credit. How much do you want?”

Me: “I’m not sure how much it will cost to fill the tank. Can I just fill it and you charge my card when I’m done? I’m willing to leave my card with you at the register.”

Cashier: “No can do, honey. Give me a specific amount of gas you want.”

Me: “Okay… I think it will take about $30 to fill the tank. If I can’t fit all that in there, can you refund me for the difference?”

Cashier: “Sure, we can figure that out. $30 on pump three. You’re good to go.”

(I go out to pump my gas, and lo and behold, the car only holds $27 and change in gas. I go back inside.)

Me: “Hey, me again. My tank is full on three and it didn’t hold the full 30 dollars. Can you refund the last couple of dollars?”

Cashier: “Oh, sorry, I can’t do that, honey. I see that you’re stuck on $27 and change. Maybe you can pump the rest into your spare can?”

Me: “I don’t have a spare can. Maybe I can just get a couple of sodas and we can work out the difference? It looks like two sodas would be just over $3 and I have a bit of change on me?”

Cashier: “Sorry, honey, I can’t move cash between the pumps and the store. You can either use the last couple dollars of gas or let it ride.”

Me: “Well, it would have been nice to know that upfront rather than being told you could settle the difference if I couldn’t fit all the gas, but, whatever. It’s less than $3; it won’t break me.”

(As this conversation was happening, a man walks out of the back room, listens discreetly, and then speaks up.)

Man: “[Cashier]! Get into the office!” *to me* “Sorry about that. Would you like cash back for the gas you couldn’t use, that amount refunded to your card, or to buy something else in the store?”

Me: “Um, well, I stand by my offer to grab a couple of sodas and settle the difference. It should be about $.50, and I have that in cash. Plus, we could really use the caffeine!”

Man: “Go take the sodas and don’t worry about the difference. This is the third time I’ve caught her refusing to settle with people who paid for more gas than they could use, and she always pulls her car around and pumps the excess into her own car. Our policy is to give the customer cash, credit, or purchases back if they overpay, as she stated when you came in here the first time. If it didn’t cost so d*** much, I’d install the readers at the pump. Sorry for your inconvenience. Have a nice night.”

(When I mentioned this to my family, they knowingly nodded and said “oh yeah, don’t go there unless you want to be ripped off… Glad the manager is finally stepping up!”)

Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 3

| UK | Right | July 21, 2016

(A young woman comes in to pay, while we can see her mother waiting in their car. In the UK, customers fill up their cars themselves, and then pay for the fuel.)

Customer: “£10 on pump six, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no fuel there. Are you sure that’s the correct pump?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure; it’s that red car.”

Me: “Well, there’s no fuel there. Perhaps she hasn’t fueled up yet?”

Customer: “I guess you’re right…”

(Five minutes later, she reaches the front of the queue again.)

Customer: “£10 on pump six?”

(I look out the window, the mother is still sitting behind the wheel of the car, and there’s still no fuel recoded on the pump.)

Me: “Uh… there’s still no fuel for you to buy.”

Customer: “What- still? This is unbelievable!”

(She leaves again. Shortly afterwards, we watch as the red car reverses away from pump six, then reverses towards a different pump, so it’s now facing the wrong way. The mother finally activates a fuel pump for us, fills up, and comes inside herself.)

Customer #2: *throws a £10 note on the counter* “£10 of fuel on pump seven, PLEASE!”

Me: “Uh, there’s £20 recorded on that pump. Are you sure that’s you?”

Customer #2: “Yes, I am SURE, and I am very annoyed, because I’ve been here for over 10 minutes now, and it took way too long for me to be able to fill up!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, but please be aware that it can take up to 20 seconds for the fuel to start flowing once you lift the nozzle. If you put it back in the cradle before it’s activated, then nothing will happen.”

Customer #2: “But I didn’t even touch anything! Why wasn’t the pump working? You need to put up a sign saying that your pump is out of order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Are you saying you never actually placed the nozzle in your tank? You need to physically move the nozzle, or of course it won’t work.”

Customer #2: “Really? That’s a bit stupid; I don’t like it at all!”

Me: “This is how every filling station in the country operates, ma’am… I really don’t know what else to say?”

Customer #2: “Well, they don’t do it like this in Ireland, I can assure you! And I only have £10.” *indicates her daughter in the queue behind her* “She can pay the other half. There should be a sign!”


Having An ‘Off’ Day

, | Wisconsin Dells, WI, USA | Working | July 4, 2016

(I start out at my job working night shift for about two weeks and love it. Then I get switched to day shift out of the blue, but it’s understandable because there is only one other day shift clerk. Last week, the manager randomly has me on schedule for a closing shift. There are light switches under the counter for the inside of the store and the outside, like the lights for the gas pumps so people can see. There is one switch that you are never supposed to turn off, but the note is between it and the one above it and since it has been so long since I worked night shift, I forget which one it is and I shut off the bottom one. My coworker (who has trained me) happens to be looking outside at our big light up sign and digital marquee and notices something I don’t.)

Coworker: “Um, did you turn off that switch we’re never supposed to turn off?”

Me: “I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I couldn’t remember which one the note is for because it’s directly in between. Why?”

Coworker: “Oh, no reason. Just turn it back on.”

Me: “What’s it for?”

Coworker: “Well, I’m not entirely sure because I haven’t turned that one off yet…” *turns it back on* “…but I think it’s the sign.”

Me: “What?!” *stands up in time to see sign turn back on* “Umm…”

Coworker: “I think it should be fine as long as no one noticed.”

(Thankfully, after a few seconds of gibberish, the sign went back to advertising just as it had before. But what coworker said was still on my mind, as she is known for making mistakes and has broken things no one thought was possible to break.)

Me: “I love how you said ‘I haven’t shut that one off YET,’ like ‘oh, I haven’t f***ed up in that way quite yet.’”

Coworker: *laughing* “Yeah, because I’ve been too busy finding other ways to f*** up and breaking other things.”

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