In A Happy Holi-daze, Part 2

| NY, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Happy Holidays!”

Customer: “It’s Merry Christmas you heathen!”

Me: “Really? I had no idea they cancelled Hanukkah, Ashura, Ramadan, and Yule this year!”

Related:
In A Happy Holi-Daze

Dude Needs Some Sleep

| Big Rapids, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m working on register at about eight am when a middle-aged woman walks in. She is quite intoxicated.)

Customer: “I slept in the woods last night.”

Me: “Okay? How can I help you?”

Customer: “I had to put this flower in my hair because they said I looked like a dude. I’m not a dude. Do you think I look like a dude?”

Me: “No… What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I need cigarettes. But they made me sleep outside in the woods. I don’t know where. But they kept calling me a dude!”

(I ring up her cigarettes hoping she leaves soon.)

Customer: “It’s like that song. Dude looks like a lady. Except the opposite. Lady looks like a dude. I’M NOT A DUDE!”

His Car Needs Some Juice

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I work at a grocery store that has a small gas station located in its parking lot. Every morning whoever opens goes and gets merchandise from inside the main store to stock our shelves, usually the supervisor. I am the mid-shift so I watch the register and help the opener stock when I can. My supervisor and I are outside stocking sodas when I see a man walking towards the mostly empty gas station with an empty juice jug in hand. I think to myself he probably just needs water for his car. I am inside the kiosk selling gas to another customer when the man with the jug approaches the window.)

Customer: “I need to get some gas.” *starts digging in his pockets*

Me: “And you want to put it in that?” *motions to jug*

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. It’s not a proper container. It must read ‘flammable’. We do however sell gas cans for [price].”

(I try to steer him away from this, as it is dangerous. On top of that gas is high and he’d probably spill more than he got in his vehicle.)

Customer: “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.”

Supervisor: *standing right behind him* “I’m the manager out here.”

(He took off after that, leaving his juice jug ON TOP of the garbage can.)