Chewing (Tobacco) Them Out

| MI, USA | Working | January 30, 2017

(I’m a 26-year-old married man who looks VERY young for his age, to the point that I could easily be mistaken for a kid in high school. I also chew tobacco, and at every store I make it a point to have my driver’s license out from the get go. Most gas attendants are very appreciative of my cooperation with the law, but this one rubs me the wrong way. I walk into the store.)

Me: “Hi, mind if I get a tin of [Tobacco Brand]?

Attendant: “I’ll need to see some ID, pl—”

(The attendant hasn’t even looked up until this point to see me handing over my driver’s license…)

Attendant: “Oh, well that was fast…” *scoffs* “You don’t look 26.”

(She proceeds to glare at me as if I’d done something to piss her off.)

Me: “How many people come in here and argue over having to show their ID?”

Attendant: “A lot, actually…”

Me: “And how often do people have their ID card ready without you having to ask?

Attendant: “Uh… barely any.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Now may I please have my ID back along with the tobacco I requested?”

(Didn’t take her long to get my tobacco after that.)

Remain Walking Tall

| CO, USA | Friendly | January 18, 2017

(My dad, brother, and I are going to go help my grandparents move. We have to drive for a little bit but it’s not too bad. We stop at a gas station to get treats and gas. Note my brother is fairly tall for his age and a lot of other people are shorter then him.)

Cashier: *to my brother* “Do you play basketball?”

Brother: “Do you play miniature golf?”

Me: *facepalm*

(My brother walks out to the car.)

Dad: “I’m so sorry. He doesn’t like being asked if plays basketball.”

Cashier: “THAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER!”

Unknown Caller Is On An Unknown Amount Of Substances

| Ada, MI, USA | Right | January 14, 2017

(The caller ID says UNKNOWN CALLER.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station].”

Caller: “Hey, I was at your gas station earlier today and I bought an e-cigarette from you guys. I just wanted to let you know that when I lit my e-cigarette like I always do, it blew up.”

Me: “Pardon, sir?”

Caller: “Yeah, it exploded. I don’t know whether it was just my e-cigarette that was defective, or if it was all of them or what.”

Me: “I’m… sorry to hear that, sir. I’ll let my manager know, and we’ll see what we can do.”

Caller: “Yeah, that’d be great. Can I talk to your manager?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but she’s not here. She’s probably at home sleeping.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay… So, how are you doing tonight?”

Me: “Uh… I’m doing all right, sir. How are you doing?”

Caller: “Well, other than the e-cigarette blowing up in my face, I’m not doing too bad.”

Me: “That’s good to hear, sir.”

Caller: “Yeah. So how are you doing?”

Me: “I’m… doing fine, sir. Thank you.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s good. That’s good. Hey, what’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name], sir.”

Caller: “Okay, [My Name]. How are you doing tonight?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… I don’t understand.”

Caller: “How are you doing this evening?”

Me: “I’m doing just fine, sir. How about you?”

Caller: “Other than my e-cigarette blowing up, I’m doing all right. So how’s working at a gas station, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “It’s all right, sir.”

Caller: “Is it any fun?”

Me: “Not anymore than any other job, really, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s cool. Do you get a lot of bathroom and smoke breaks there?”

Me: “Well, I, uh, I step away from the register when I need to go to the bathroom, and I don’t smoke, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah? That’s good. That’s good. You shouldn’t smoke, [Not My Name]. It’s bad for you.”

Me: “I know, sir, that’s why I don’t.”

Caller: “Good. So… what else do you sell there besides gas?”

Me: “Well, mostly we sell cigarettes and junk food, sir.”

Caller: “How about soda?”

Me: “Yes, we do also sell soda, sir.”

Caller: “Do you get a lot of teenagers buying cigarettes, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “I do get a few, sir, but I always remember to card them.”

Caller: “That’s good, that’s good. Did you know, I was reading something on the Internet this morning, said that this generation of teenagers has the fewest smokers of any generation? Only like 9%.”

Me: “I believe it, sir.”

Caller: “But you still get a lot of teenagers buying cigarettes?”

Me: “Only if they’re of age, sir. I’d imagine that most of the other teens who don’t smoke don’t have a reason to visit our station as often.”

Caller: “Good point. So, what’s your favorite pop, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “I’d say [Soda], sir.”

Caller: “[Soda]? That’s a good pop.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “So do you, like, have cups you can fill with pop there?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you can fill a cup with soda at our gas station.”

Caller: “What kind of soda do you get from the fountain pop?”

Me: “[Soda], sir.”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, ’cause that’s your favorite, right, [Not My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “So… you ever drank gasoline? ‘Cause y’know, you work at a gas station?”

Me: “Um… no sir.”

Caller: “You never drank gasoline? I always wanted to try it.”

Me: “No, sir, I think that would make me very sick.”

Caller: “Yeah, you’re probably right. So, how does the register work?”

Me: “Well, it’s a touch screen, sir. You just press the right buttons and the software handles the numbers.”

Caller: “Oh… do you sell a lot of [Candy #1]?”

Me: “No sir, I don’t sell [Candy #1] very often.”

Caller: “Do you sell a lot of [Candy #2]?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t sell a lot of [Candy #2], either.”

Caller: “Yeah, man, [Candy #2] are my favorite, [unintelligible].”

Me: “I see.”

Caller: “Hey, [Not My Name], what did you say your name was again?”

Me: “[My Name], sir.”

Caller: “[My Name]… like [My Name] the Bomb?”

Me: *having no idea who that is* “Yes, sir, like [My Name] the Bomb.”

Caller: “Cool. Hey, you’re a cool guy, so I’m gonna call you [My Name] the Bomb. Is that all right?”

Me: “That’s fine, sir.”

Caller: “Cool. Hey, I got stuff I gotta do, so I’m gonna go now, [My Name] the Bomb. I’ll call again later, all right?”

Me: *dear god, please, no* “Sure, sir.”

Caller: “All right. Later, [My Name] the Bomb.”

Me: “Have a good night, sir.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings, caller ID says UNKNOWN CALLER.)

Me: “NOPE.”

(I think he tried to light his e-cigarette with a lighter, like a real cigarette, and that’s why it exploded. Also, the third shift person went through that day’s transactions. We didn’t sell any e-cigarettes that day.)

Not Quite Married To That Sale

| VA, USA | Romantic | January 12, 2017

(I am on my way home after work and stop to get gas. I am tired, and just ready to get home. There is a stand set up across the parking lot on the other side of the station but I don’t pay too much attention to it. The stand is being run by two guys, an older guy and one rather young. I am female. I absently see them smile and laugh to each other before the younger of the two jogs all the way over to my car, past multiple cars pulled up to get gas just like I am. He can’t be more than 16, and while I have a baby face, I am 25.)

Guy: “Howdy, how are you doing today?”

Me: *trying to not look as tired as I feel* “Hello. I’m making it through, thanks for asking.”

Guy: “I just wanted to show you this product here.” *he holds up a rag and a can of something* “Have you heard of [Rain Product for cars]?”

Me: “Yes, of course. It’s a neat product.”

Guy: *gives me a wide grin* “Well, this stuff is even better than that! I’m sure a beautiful girl like you hates to have to wash the windows, so here, let me show you.”

(He sprays my whole windshield before I can say anything. Knowing where this is going I start to play with my wedding ring in full view, just so there are no misunderstandings. He doesn’t even glance at my finger and keeps wiping down my windows while making remarks about how pretty and beautiful I am. He finally finishes, and my car is full so I am ready to go.)

Guy: “So how about it? It’s only [price] for two cans and they last a good long time. If you want, you can come on over to the table and get some, and maybe leave your number, too.” *He wiggles his eyebrows at me. I am trying to hold my laughter.*

Me: “Well, that does look like a nice product. Let me go home and discuss it with my husband and I may come back.”

(His face fell, and he quickly walked away, not bothering to demo his product for anyone else. When he reached the table I saw the older man throw his head back in laughter and hit him on the back. I almost felt bad for the kid.)

No ID, No Idea, Part 27

| Tacoma, WA, USA | Right | December 20, 2016

(A customer who looks to be about 15 at the most approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Two packs 100s!”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “I left my wallet at home, and before you say anything, I got my mom’s phone number so you can call her to confirm my age, and I’m good friends with the guy who runs this joint so don’t give me any s*** about how you can’t give me my smokes!”

Me: “May I ask a different question, then?”

Customer: “Only if you’re quick about it.”

Me: “If you don’t have your wallet, how were you planning to pay for your purchases?”

(All cockiness promptly drains from the customer’s face.)

Customer: “F***********k!”

(Stormed out.)

 

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