Needs To Break Down The Breakup

| USA | Romantic | March 25, 2016

(Admittedly, I can act a bit bratty, and my fiancé always graciously puts up with me. I also joke that I want to break up with him when I am grumpy. This happens when we go to get gas for my car.)

Me: “I don’t like you anymore.”

Fiancé: “Well, we could always be friends with benefits?”

Me: “Why would I want to do that? I don’t like you!”

Fiancé: “But I like having sex with you!”

Me: “Nope. Don’t like you.”

Fiancé: *in good humor* “Well, we could always just be friends.”

Me: *very bratty at this point* “I. Don’t. Like. You.”

Fiancé: *acts dejected*

(At this point, I jump out to pay for gas and he opens up the door to talk to me. I see this and posture.)

Me: *nastily* “What are you still doing here? I broke up with you!”

(I must have said it a touch too loud, because the attendant in the box a few feet away looks very concerned. He continues to watch me warily, as I get my gas, unaware of my fiancé laughing in the car at me.)

Me: *gets in* “You know, I think the cashier back there thought I was going to start a fight with you.”

Fiancé: *laughs* “Really?”

Me: “Yeah… I should probably watch what I say around strangers, huh?” *pause* “Oh, by the way, I don’t like you!”

(Yes. I obviously love him. And the saint he was had already hidden chocolate in the freezer for me.)

In An Odd Interstate Of Mind

| WV, USA | Right | March 25, 2016

(I work at a gas station on the side of the interstate. To get back on the interstate, one simply continues driving straight, guided by cones, signs, and post. An older man approaches the gas station; I have the employee door unlocked as I have just swept the office. The customer looks at “employees only” sign and walks in anyway.)

Me: “Sir, you’ll need to go to the front doors. This is the employee door.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” *walks to front* “You see that car over there?”

(I look outside to the twelve cars sitting at pumps.)

Me: “Which one, sir?”

Customer: “That maroon one?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I’d like $30 on that pump.”

(I ring up the transaction.)

Customer: “How do I get back on the interstate?

Me: “You just head straight. Follow the cones and posts and the sign that says ‘Exit Here.’”

Customer: “Okay! So, I go back that way?” *points the opposite direction*

Me: “No, sir, that way.” *points to the correct direction*

Customer: “Okay, I’m trying to get to West Virginia, you see.”

Me: “Sir, you are in West Virginia.”

Customer: “No, this is North Carolina!”

Me: “No, sir, this IS West Virginia.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

Me: “I live here?”

Customer: “You need to learn your geography.” *leaves*

Me: “What just… what just happened?”

Should Have Been A Smoothie Transaction

, | USA | Working | March 18, 2016

(I stop at a gas station/convenience store on my lunch break to buy a kind of pre-packaged smoothie that you blend yourself. It’s a Thursday so I just got paid; I’ve had trouble in the past with my bank randomly putting holds on my paychecks, so with things like these smoothies, I always pay before preparing just in case it won’t go through.)

Me: “Hi. Just this, please.”

Employee: *picks up smoothie and looks at it* “This isn’t blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: *sets it down in front of me without ringing it in* “It’s not blended.”

Me: “I know.”

Employee: “You have to blend it.”

Me: “…I know. I’ll blend it after I pay.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “So… can I buy this?”

Employee: “It’s not blended.”

Me: “Okay. I…” *I point to myself* “will blend…” *I swirl my hands around each other* “this smoothie…” *I point to the smoothie* “AFTER I pay.” *I wave my card toward the reader* “Okay?”

Employee: *skeptically* “Okay, but it’s not blended.”

(I have to take a few deep breaths before I can respond.)

Me: “I think I can handle the consequences of that, thanks.”

(He finally rings it through and I pay, then go blend my smoothie. As I walk out, I hear the employee shout with great revelation:)

Employee: “Oh! Well, you should’ve said you’d blend it once you’d paid.”

(It took all my self-control to not throw myself or the employee into traffic.)

Gas-Trick Bypassed

| TX, USA | Right | March 15, 2016

(My relief shows up to give me a break just as I finish selling a young man gas. He leaves, and then comes back.)

Customer: “It’s not working.”

(I look at the screen and he’s hung up the nozzle. I redo the transaction.)

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

(Relief takes over and I walk outside. The customer gets my attention as I walk past him.)

Customer: “Ma’am, it’s still not working.”

(I approach and notice he’s pulled the nozzle from the next pump over and around.)


Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

A Chip Off The Old Stock

| TX, USA | Right | March 15, 2016

(It’s a busy day, there’s a long line of customers getting gas. I get to the last one.)

Customer: “Did that guy buy some chips?”

Me: “Uh, nobody bought chips. They have to bring them to the window so I can scan them.”

Customer: “Oh, then he stole them.”

Me: *trying to conceal irritation at both the thief and the fact that I didn’t see him* “I hope he enjoys them…”

Customer: “I hope he chokes on them!”

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