(I’m walking home, and make a detour to a gas station to grab some snacks and so on. I notice my shoe is untied, and stop to do it up outside the station, near where the cars are. A stranger approaches me.)

Stranger: “Hey! Let me fill your car up for you!”

Me: “What?”

Stranger: “Your car! I’ll fill it for you so you don’t have to!”

Me: “Oh, that’s very kind of you to offer, but ac—”

Stranger: “No, no, I have to! It’s a man’s job to do these sorts of things for women!”

Me: “Er, what?”

Stranger: “Like, my sister can’t even change a tire. But don’t worry! I’m always ready to help!”

Me: “Um, well, it’s nice that you want to help, but giving help when it isn’t wanted, and insisting on it when your offer is declined is kind of the opposite of nice. And besides—”

Stranger: “Oh, f***, are you a f****** feminist, too? Ugh! A man tries to do something nice for you and you don’t even appreciate it? I bet you can’t even fill your own car, anyway! You’ll probably run out of gas on the way home, and it’ll be your own d*** fault!”

Me: “Right. You’re not actually listening to me, so this is pointless. Goodbye.”

(I went and bought my snacks. While I was paying, I asked the cashier if I could stay inside the store for a while until the weird guy outside left. He agreed, so I hung around the store, able to see outside through the huge windows. The stranger decided to do me a ‘favor’ anyway, and started happily pumping gas into a random car he assumed was mine. After about a minute the owner of the car, a big burly guy, spotted the stranger and was less than impressed at finding a complete stranger handling his car. The stranger scuttled away, frightened. I hope he didn’t try to force his “help” onto anyone else again without at least listening to them first!)

(We’re getting pretty close to closing time. We’ve barely had any orders today. I’m working the kitchen with two others. Everything’s been cleaned and there’s nothing to do until another order comes in, when suddenly a customer comes storming into the store, shouting things exceptionally hard to understand, and possibly drunk.)

Me: “Oh, lord, here we go…”

Customer: “Where’s the kitchen guy! I WANT TO SEE THE KI—”

Me: “Right here. You can stop yelling now. I can hear you.”

Customer: *does actually stop yelling, probably because he had to look up to me* “Where the f*** is my pizza? I ordered a pizza over an hour ago. Now, where is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We haven’t—”

Customer: “WHERE IS MY ORDER!? I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Well, the manager is asleep. If you want, I can go back there and see if we have your order.”

Customer: “Yeah, you do that. I want my free f****** pizza!”

(He gives his name and address. I go to where we keep the order slips.)

Me: “Sir, there’s no slip under either of those.”

Customer: “WHERE IS MY GOD-D*** PIZZA! I ORDERED A PIZZA FROM THIS STORE!”

Coworker: “Hey, why don’t you call again?”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “If you did call this store, and we took your order, it was never filled. Go ahead and call the number again. If the phone rings, we’ll give you a free pizza.”

(He whipped out his phone, mashing the buttons until he got to the recent calls, and called the store. Our phone didn’t ring, but somebody on the other end picked up. He had placed an order at the store on the other side of town. The customer shoved his phone in his pocket and stormed out of the store without a word.)

Me: “Happy Holidays!”

Customer: “It’s Merry Christmas you heathen!”

Me: “Really? I had no idea they cancelled Hanukkah, Ashura, Ramadan, and Yule this year!”

(My work is only a 10-minute walk from home. On the walk to work I pass a gas station with a small convenience section. I call in one day on the way into work to pick up some milk and a breakfast snack. I go to the counter to pay.)

Me: “Just this, please.”

Cashier #1: “What pump?”

Me: “I haven’t pumped gas; I just want to buy the milk and snack.”

Cashier #1: “Lady, I’m not an idiot, and I WILL call the Police if you leave without paying for what you pumped!”

Me: “I WALKED HERE! Look outside, there are NO cars parked in the forecourt!”

Cashier #1: “Well, you probably pumped and drove off round the corner when I was on the phone!”

Me: “Are you crazy?! Check the CCTV, or check your system; it will show I have not pulled up in a car, or pumped anything.”

(By this time, the shouting has drawn the attention of another cashier, thankfully who I had seen plenty of times before and who I knew well enough to exchange pleasantries with.)

Cashier #2: “[Cashier #1], what are you doing?”

Cashier #1: “This THIEF is trying to scam us out of paying her fuel!”

Cashier #2: “No, she works in the building next door. She comes in all the time; if you paid attention you’d know that.”

(She then rang me up for my items and I walked out the door, through the forecourt and round the corner to my office. As I rounded the corner, I looked back to see Cashier #1 still watching me as I walked to make sure I don’t have a secret car hidden round ‘the corner.’ At least it woke me up for the day!)

(There are just two cashiers working and no manager on duty when everyone on the highway decides they need to stop and fuel. Diesel and gas registers are both busy, and the phone is ringing nonstop. There are two lines for the fuel desk, one for the restaurant, and one for the garage. The restaurant and garage never use their own lines to call out.)

Garage: *over phone intercom* “Hey, you guys have a call on line four.”

Me: “Okay, thanks.” *picks up* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

General Manager: “Why couldn’t I call through on lines one and two?”

Me: *clearly waiting on customers* “I’m guessing the restaurant and garage are on them. They’ve been lit up for a while.”

General Manager: “Are you sure you girls aren’t talking on the phone to your boyfriends?”

Me: “Very sure. It’s very busy and we have lines almost to the door.”

General Manager: “Because I called two or three times on each line.”

Me: “Then maybe you should tell the other managers to stop their employees calling out on our lines. Did you need something? We’re really busy.”

General Manager: “Are you sure you aren’t on the phone with someone else?”

Me: “No, [Manager], I am NOT on the phone with someone else and neither is [Coworker]! Did you need me to do something or not because [Coworker] needs help!”

General Manager: “No, I’m just calling to check on you. See you tomorrow.”

Me: “Bye!”

(I guess he must have checked the tapes when he came in the next day, because I didn’t hear anything else about it!)