They See Me Co-rolling, They Hatin’

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | April 26, 2017

(A customer pulls up in an early-’80s Toyota Corolla. It’s a beautiful car to an enthusiast, so I just have to compliment it.)

Me: “I love your car!”

Customer: “Go to h***.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that sarcastically at all. I have a soft spot for classic Japanese cars, and yours is in great condition for its age. Are you the original owner?”

Customer: “Okay, it’s not funny! Just shut the f— up and let me pump.”

(Another customer pulls up a few seconds later and also compliments the car. The first customer flips him off and drives away in a hurry.)

Customer #2: “It’s sad when they don’t know what they have.”

Me: “Yeah, it definitely is.”

Pop Goes That Sale

, | Cassidy, BC, Canada | Right | April 25, 2017

(I work in a very small store with only three employees including myself. My boss comes in at the end of my shift to relieve me when a customer comes in. Keep in mind, he is a regular.)

Me: “Hey, how are you?”

Regular: *throws a twenty on the till* “I want two [Soda]s and the rest in gas for a jerry can.”

(Now, he’s not holding anything at the moment. He came in the door and walked straight up to the till.)

Me: “Umm, okay. What size are you buying?”

Regular: “The two liters, duh. Are they still on sale 2 for $4.00?”

Me: “Yep, they still are. So with the two [Soda]s, you will be getting $**** in gas. Does that sound good?”

Regular: “Yeah, whatever. What pump?”

Me: “Your gas will be on pump two. Have a good evening.”

(He then proceeds to walk RIGHT PAST the display of two liter [Soda]s, and out the door. The transaction took less than a minute since he first came in.)

Me: “Wait… what?” *I look at my boss, who’s been quietly standing behind me the whole time* “Did… did he just leave without the [Soda]?”

Boss: “Sure, did. Maybe he’ll come back in for them after he gets his gas. I sure as h*** am not chasing him down, though.”

(We wait, and sure enough he drives away without his two liters.)

Me: “How did he forget his [Soda]? He paid for them not even thirty seconds before walking by the stand?!”

Boss: “Oh, he does this all the time. Sometimes he comes back for them, but usually he’ll just buy more a few days later. I don’t even bother reminding him anymore. I figure anyone that stupid deserves to waste their money. Just watch; he’ll back tomorrow and won’t even mention the missing [Soda].”

(He does show up at shift change the next night. He buys some groceries, and leaves without a word about the Soda he had forgotten. My boss rings him through in silence, and laughs as he drives off.)

Boss: “I don’t know what drugs he’s on, but they must be REALLY good.”

Me: “Haha, no kidding.”

(It turned out this guy does this almost every week.)

ISIS Are Pshhh-ing Towards America

| Broome County, NY, USA | Right | March 7, 2017

(I’m at the soda cooler in a local gas station when a woman comes running in and slams down a bottle of soda in front of the cashier, who appears to be of Middle Eastern descent.)

Customer #1: “I just bought a soda and it’s flat! I didn’t even hear the ‘pshhh’ when I opened the cap!”

Cashier: “Oh, no problem. You can grab another one.”

Customer #1: “I just can’t believe you’d sell a soda that doesn’t even go ‘pshhh’ when you open the cap!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. It might have just gotten damaged during shipping or something and lost its carbonation. You can go ahead and grab another one to replace it. It’s really no problem”

Customer #1: “I just don’t understand why you’d sell one that doesn’t go ‘pshhh’ when you open it!”

Cashier: “Well, I wouldn’t be able to know they all made that noise without opening them all up.”

Customer #1: “Then do your job! Open them up and make sure they go ‘pshhh!’”

Cashier: “I can’t open all the sodas before I sell them.”

Customer #1: “What use are you, then?!”

(At this moment, another woman comes in and grabs some paper towels that are sitting on the counter.)

Customer #2: “Thanks for letting me use these.”

Cashier: “Oh, absolutely. No problem.”

Customer #1: “What’s going on?”

Customer #2: “Oh, I accidentally pulled the gas nozzle out early and squirted a little gas on the side of my car. I’m just wiping it off.”

Customer #1: *turning to cashier; screaming* “You won’t even make sure you sodas aren’t flat, and now you’re trying to cover this poor woman’s car in gas! This is the most corrupt f****** gas station I’ve ever been to! I’m calling Homeland Security on you! F****** terrorists, the lot of you!”

(She storms out. I walk up to the counter and plop down a soda I’m buying.)

Cashier: “You better watch out! I’m evidently a dastardly terrorist out to steal the ‘pshhh’ from your soda!”

Customer #2: “And don’t forget your maniacal plan to spill minuscule amounts of gas on the sides of people’s cars and make them waste their cents!”

Cashier: “Absolutely. It’s all part of my plan to destroy the world economy by minorly inconveniencing people!”

1 Thumbs

Dyscalculating How Understanding They Would Be

| USA | Right | March 5, 2017

(I have dyscalculia, basically dyslexia but for numbers. Among some other issues this causes, I occasionally speak numbers in the wrong order, especially if I’m working quickly. Usually the customer and I will laugh it off, but not this guy…)

Customer: “Two packs of [Cigarettes].”

Me: “You got it.” *scans cigarettes and totals purchase to $19.42* “Your total is $14.92.”

Customer: *swipes card and follows prompts, but stops when he reaches the “confirm your total” screen* “What’s this?”

Me: “Oh, that screen asks you to confirm your total before completing the purchase—” *the customer hits “no” and the register returns to asking for payment* “Oh, looks like you hit no. The sensors in the touch screen are a little—”

Customer: “You said my total was $14.92, not $19.42! You’re trying to rip me off!”

Me: “Did I? I’m sorry, I must have misspoken. The cigarettes are $9.71 each after tax, so for two of them it’d be $19.42. I can get your receipt to you, too, if you like.”

Customer: “I’m not paying more than $14.92 for these. This is false advertising!”

Me: *starting to get annoyed that what should be a minute long transaction is getting so out of hand* “Before taxes, the cigarettes are $8.99 per pack. Even IF the register was wrong, which it’s not, I just misspoke, so the total would still not be $14.92. I can sell you the cigarettes for the price they should be, sir, or I can cancel the order, but I cannot sell them to you for less than the cost plus tax.”

Customer: “This is an outrage! You said $14.92!”

(He reaches across the counter and shoves the two packs of cigarettes off it and to the floor, before storming out.)

Me: *after a moment of shock, I cancel the order and put the cigarettes back on the shelf* “Well… next in line, please!”

Sounds Like A Flavor Of Another Green Thing That Comes In A Bag

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Right | March 4, 2017

Customer: “I’m looking for some chips my wife asked me to get.”

Me: “Sure, what kind?”

Customer: “She said ‘pixie conifer.’”

Me: “Sorry… what?”

Customer: “Pixie conifer. In a green bag.”

Me: “I’ve… never heard of anything like that.”

Customer: “Well, she used to work with trees. That might have something to do with it.”

Me: “Hang on, let me check here…”

(I pull out my phone and Google ‘pixie conifer’ just to see if anything comes up. Unsurprisingly, nothing.)

Me: “You said ‘pixie’, right? Like a fairy?”

Customer: “Yeah. Pixie Conifer. Green bag.”

Me: “Sorry, I’ve never heard of such a thing. All of our chips are on those shelves if you want to look, but that’s a new one to me.”

Customer: “Hang on.”

(He pulls out his phone and dials, wandering off so I can’t hear his end of it.)

Customer: “All right, I talked to her. She wants ‘pickle vinegar.’”

Me: “Thaaat makes more sense. Right over here…”

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