It is the day before Mother’s Day, and since we have a flower department, we have a ton of deliveries for a lot of different orders going out over the next couple of days. One customer approaches me while I’m outside by our Adirondack chairs.

Customer: “I’d like to get two Adirondack chairs delivered to my house tomorrow morning, please.”

Me: “Well, we can get that out tomorrow, but since we have so many other orders I can’t guarantee it’ll get out in the morning; it’ll just have to go out whenever we get the chance. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Okay.”

He follows me inside and I place the order in the system for him.

Me: “All right, you’re all set. Have a good day!”

He continues to wander around the store for a bit, and I run outside to mark off the chairs he wanted for delivery. As he’s leaving the store, he passes by me again.

Customer: “When your boss is asleep tonight, whisper my name in her ear so she thinks of me and sends my chairs first thing in the morning.”

Me: *Pause* “Have a great day!” *Hurries back inside*

Customer: “Excuse me, how many bags of mulch do I need to cover my yard?”

Me: “Well, how big is your yard?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Big? Kind of huge-ish?”

Me: “Okay. Well, do you happen to have the area or anything? We sell mulch in cubic feet, so—”

Customer: “What? You expect me to do math?! That’s ridiculous! I don’t do any of that math crap; it’s too hard!”

A customer comes into our store and starts looking at our weed trimmer line.

Coworker: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for the trimmer refills with the button that you hit against the ground to release more line.”

This is the actual trimmer head, which is refilled with regular trimmer line when it runs out.

Coworker: “Oh, then you just need some trimmer line to rewind the trimmer head.”

Customer: “No, this is the refill for the trimmer. It’s already wound and you just insert it into the trimmer head. Then you hit the bottom of the refill on the ground to feed the line.”

Coworker: “The part that you hit on the ground is part of the trimmer head. To refill it, you need to cut a section of the trimmer line and rewind it around the trimmer head.”

Customer: “No, no. This refill feeds itself when you hit it against the ground.”

Coworker: “That is part of the trimmer head mechanism. I can show you how to rewind it so that it feeds correctly when you tap it on the ground.”

The customer pauses for a bit, thinking.

Customer: “Okay, well, I guess I’ll just keep looking for the refill if you guys don’t have it. Thanks anyway.”

Coworker: “Okay… Bye.”

(A woman came in yesterday telling us that she had a tree that died that she wanted to return. Our head cashier and acting manager said that we would accept a return and give her 50% back so long as she had the receipt and the tree, and that it was within one year of the purchase, because it’s our policy.

I am called to the register today because the lady has come in and is causing a scene, and the management in that day is different from yesterday’s.)

Manager: “[My Name], what did [Other Manager] say about this nice woman’s return?”

Me: “One year, 50% back if you have the tree and receipt. Why?”

(The customer has her daughter with her, who has named and taken care of the tree.)

Customer: “That is not what she said! She said I would get 100% back!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sure she didn’t; she’s our head cashier and she’s been working here since I made our policy.”

(He points to the placard on the wall with said policy on it.)

Manager: “It’s even right here.”

Customer: “I know what she said! You guys are trying to rip me off.”

Manager: “Okay, give me a second.”

(He calls our head cashier — even though it’s her day off — and hands the phone to the woman, who only gets even more disgruntled and then turns to me.)

Me: “She may have said we’d take care of things 100%. She says things like that.”

Manager: “That’s true. Ma’am, how can we help you out with this?”

Customer: “Well, I want 100% back! I’ve been attacked since I walked up here!”

(She turns to her daughter who is staring intently at the ground.)

Customer: “Hasn’t he been attacking me?”

(The daughter shrugs and my manager, who has been amazingly calm the whole time, stands aghast and excuses himself. Another cashier takes over.)

Me: “Ma’am, would you at least like me to dispose of the dead tree for you?”

Customer: “No! I don’t know if I want to do business with you yet!”

(This story occurs the day of a coworker’s father’s funeral, so a large portion of the staff is not present, including all of the managers.)

Customer: “I just hit one of your carts and it damaged my car.”

Me: “Okay. What exactly happened?”

Customer: “There was a cart left in the parking space when I tried to pull in and it damaged my car. I want to be compensated.”

Me: “I don’t think I can do that for you, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “Unfortunately, there are no managers here right now, but if you leave your name, I can—”

Customer: “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THERE ARE NO MANAGERS ON THIS ENTIRE PROPERTY?!”

Me: “I am as surprised as you are, but yes.”

(Realising I wouldn’t be able to convince her that we were not responsible for the damage, I convinced her to take my manager’s number. I warned my manager and when she received the call, she promptly told the women we wouldn’t pay for the damage she’d caused.)