Build Up Of Hot Air

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2010

(Our store is mostly outdoors, but it has a small greenhouse where cafe customers often sit and have coffee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I would like to sit in the greenhouse. Could you open a vent for me?”

Me: “Actually, when it’s windy like today it rattles a lot when the doors are open, so you might be more comfortable with them closed.”

Customer: “But we can’t sit in there without ventilation. What about the greenhouse gas?!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Greenhouse gas! Like global warming! You can’t let people sit in there if you’re letting the greenhouse gas build up!”

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No Brains And The Bees

, , , | Right | June 16, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

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You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3

, , | Right | April 26, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me if you carry Chlamydia?”

Me: *long pause* “Um… I’m sorry, is this a plant you are looking for?”

Caller: “Yes! The pink one. You know, Chlamydia!”

Me: “Do you mean Cyclamen?”

Caller: “Yeah! Cyclamen, Chlamydia, they’re all the same thing. So, do you have anyone there that can give me some Chlamydia?”

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Product May Require A Certain Level Of Manurity

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2010

(A customer lifts a bag of steer manure onto the counter.)

Customer: “I’ve got a question. What makes steer manure different from mushroom manure?”

Me: “Well, steer manure is made from the droppings of–”

Customer: “Wait. You said droppings? As in waste?”

Me: “Yes, manure is made from decomposed waste.”

Customer: “So… what exactly is a steer?”

Me: “It’s just another name for a cow.”

Customer: “So steer manure is… Oh, God. Oh, God!” *leaves without buying the manure*

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Watering Wonders

, | Right | April 29, 2009

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I have a faucet in my backyard, and I can’t get the water to the other side.”

Me: “You need a hose…”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “You connect it to the faucet, and the water travels through the hose to the other side.”

Customer: “These inventions these days; they’re incredible!”

Me: “…”

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