Throw Your Claws In The Air Like You Just Don’t Care

| Shrewsbury, England, UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(A very softly spoken and serious middle-aged man approaches me.)

Customer: “Hello, do you have any stickers featuring aquatic life?”

Me: “Umm… we have some of those 3D gel stickers for windows. One set is a sea-themed one.”

Customer: “Excellent. Do they have any crustaceans?”

Me: “Uh, I’m pretty sure there’s a crab sticker in that pack.”

Customer: “And what position is the crab in?”

Me: “I… err… a common crab position, I believe? With its claws in the air?”

Customer: “Okay. Could you please direct me to these stickers?”

(I did. He bought them. He seemed pleased enough.)


The Family Business Is None Of Yours

| Gulf Shores, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Popular

(I am watering plants, when a customer approaches the cashier. The customer is quite rude, arguing about prices, insisting the cashier is trying to rip her off, insulting her, and demanding a discount because she knows the manager, Mark. I merely smile and keep watering. The cashier is very polite and cheerful throughout.)

Customer: “Well, I want you to know that I’m never shopping here again! What happened to all the good cashiers that used to work out here? They’ve replaced them with a disrespectful jerk like you!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I’ve been at this store, in this department, for three years.”

Customer: “Oh, well…”

Cashier: “Yes, perhaps our paths just haven’t crossed?”

Customer: “Oh, I guess. I don’t usually come in on Tuesdays.”

(The cashier tactfully doesn’t reply that she comes in four days a week and sometimes more, if we need her.)

Customer: “But that doesn’t matter! I’m going to tell Mark that you wouldn’t give me my discount!”

Cashier: “John.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Cashier: “I said John. Mark hasn’t been the manager for over a year, since he was caught giving out unauthorized discounts.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh! Well, you… just wait! I’ll tell him, then!”

Cashier: “Of course, but before you do, you should probably know that he’s my stepfather.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms out*

H2-Woah, Part 2

| Hamilton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

Customer: “Where is your cooler?”

Me: “Cooler?”

Customer: “Vending machine.”

Me: We don’t have a vending machine, but if you need some water, I can get you a glass of water.”

Customer: “You can go to Hell.”


Not Mature About Manure

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I work in a store that sells gardening supplies and fertilizer. A customer calls our store.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I help you today?”

Customer: “This may sound odd, but do you do… special orders?”

Me: “Yes, sir, what are you looking for exactly?”

Customer: “You see, my neighbour’s f******g kid decided to take a dump on my lawn as a prank, so I was wondering, do you… happen to make fertilizer out of human waste?”

(Thinking it was a prank, I decided to end the call.)

Me: “…No, sir. Have a good day.”

(30 seconds later, he calls back.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hey, remember me? I wasn’t kidding about that thing.”

Me: “I am so sorry—”

Customer: “Listen, you b***! I need sweet revenge on this kid! He has been bothering me FOR MONTHS! Just make that s*** fertilizer and send it to his door for a ‘nice’ surprise. I need a good laugh.”

Me: “Sir, I do not appreciate you using a vulgar term, and NO, we will not even consider your request! Stop being an a** and don’t call back again!”

A True Basket Case

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I’m a cashier. I’m currently ringing up a customer that’s attending a small child, maybe four or five years old.)

Me: “You know these are buy one, get one free? Would you like to go back and get another one?”

Customer #1: *sighs loudly* “Oh, s***.” *sighs again* “Could you get it for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s crazy today and there’s no way we could leave the registers. If you like, I can give you the discount, you can check out, and then go back and get another?”

Customer #1: *sigh* “Is there anyone who could get me another one?”

Me: *a little taken aback* “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but we are all really busy and there’s no one free.”

Customer #1: *silence*

Me: “Did you want to check out and then get another?”

Customer #1: *yelling* “You know what? Forget it! My friend told me she had horrible customer service here, too. I don’t want another one!”

Me: “…Are you sure?”

Customer #1: “YES!”

Me: “All right, then.”

(As I’m ringing her up, she continues to insult me and the business. A woman behind her says.)

Customer #2: “You don’t have to shop here, ma’am.”

Me: “All righty, here you go. Have a good one, ma’am.”

(The little boy with her speaks up. We have a playground on our property for the kids while the adults are shopping.)

Little Boy: “Can we go to the playground?”

Customer #1: “NO! We’re not going to this playground. We’re going to find another playground.”

(The boy immediately throws a huge tantrum, screaming and all. Nobody pays him any attention, looks at them strangely, or does much of anything. The woman looks at everyone and screams:)

Customer #1: “HE’S DISABLED!!!!!”

Customer #2: “Nobody said anything. I think you need an attitude adjustment!”

(The woman grumbles and leaves. Later I find out from my coworker that the customer came up to her in the parking lot, told her that she got terrible service, and showed her the receipt with my name on it.)

Coworker: “I was confused, because she said that the cashier was very rude. I saw your name and thought, ‘you’re not rude!'”

(Several weeks later, the same customer shows up and just so happens to get into my line. This time, we’re selling cherries. We display them in small quart-sized wooden baskets. We dump the cherries into plastic grocery bags for weighing, and then reuse the wooden baskets to display more produce. The woman has brought some cherries up to the register. I pour the cherries into a plastic bag.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to keep them in the basket.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we reuse the baskets. You can buy it for 50 cents.”

Customer #1: “UGH!” *turning to the other customers* THIS is why I don’t shop here! They just want to gouge you! They already overcharge you for everything and wanna charge you for this basket! I hate this place!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to shop here, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “I KNOW!”

(All of the customers behind her were quite pleasant and stared at her in disbelief.)

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