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The Family Business Is None Of Yours

| Gulf Shores, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Popular

(I am watering plants, when a customer approaches the cashier. The customer is quite rude, arguing about prices, insisting the cashier is trying to rip her off, insulting her, and demanding a discount because she knows the manager, Mark. I merely smile and keep watering. The cashier is very polite and cheerful throughout.)

Customer: “Well, I want you to know that I’m never shopping here again! What happened to all the good cashiers that used to work out here? They’ve replaced them with a disrespectful jerk like you!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I’ve been at this store, in this department, for three years.”

Customer: “Oh, well…”

Cashier: “Yes, perhaps our paths just haven’t crossed?”

Customer: “Oh, I guess. I don’t usually come in on Tuesdays.”

(The cashier tactfully doesn’t reply that she comes in four days a week and sometimes more, if we need her.)

Customer: “But that doesn’t matter! I’m going to tell Mark that you wouldn’t give me my discount!”

Cashier: “John.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Cashier: “I said John. Mark hasn’t been the manager for over a year, since he was caught giving out unauthorized discounts.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh! Well, you… just wait! I’ll tell him, then!”

Cashier: “Of course, but before you do, you should probably know that he’s my stepfather.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms out*

H2-Woah, Part 2

| Hamilton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

Customer: “Where is your cooler?”

Me: “Cooler?”

Customer: “Vending machine.”

Me: We don’t have a vending machine, but if you need some water, I can get you a glass of water.”

Customer: “You can go to Hell.”

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H2-Woah

Not Mature About Manure

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I work in a store that sells gardening supplies and fertilizer. A customer calls our store.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I help you today?”

Customer: “This may sound odd, but do you do… special orders?”

Me: “Yes, sir, what are you looking for exactly?”

Customer: “You see, my neighbour’s f******g kid decided to take a dump on my lawn as a prank, so I was wondering, do you… happen to make fertilizer out of human waste?”

(Thinking it was a prank, I decided to end the call.)

Me: “…No, sir. Have a good day.”

(30 seconds later, he calls back.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hey, remember me? I wasn’t kidding about that thing.”

Me: “I am so sorry—”

Customer: “Listen, you b***! I need sweet revenge on this kid! He has been bothering me FOR MONTHS! Just make that s*** fertilizer and send it to his door for a ‘nice’ surprise. I need a good laugh.”

Me: “Sir, I do not appreciate you using a vulgar term, and NO, we will not even consider your request! Stop being an a** and don’t call back again!”

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