Troubleshooting Tip #56: No Cramming Cold Cuts

, , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Xbox customer service. How may I help you?”

Client: “Yes, my Xbox isn’t working, but it doesn’t have that red light thingy in the front. I DEMAND to know what is wrong with it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to be a little more specific. Is your power supply functioning properly?”

Client: “Of course it is. Do I sound stupid to you?”

Me: “No, sir… Can I get your console number?”

Client: “On the bottom of the disk drive?”

Me: “No, it’s not–”

Client: “OHHH, I found the problem. There was some baloney in the disk drive…” *click*

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All Hail Wikipedia

, , , , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(A customer comes in, spends thirty minutes browsing games, then proceeds to talk to me for another forty-five minutes about whatever. I hint several times for him to leave the store.)

Customer: “Puzzle games are hard… I enjoy Halo way more. Why do you think people want to play puzzles, anyway? And what’s with the word, anyway? Z’s suck.”

Me: “Just a second.”

(I decide to try something desperate: I go to the computer on the counter and look up “puzzle” on Wikipedia.)

Me: “A puzzle is a problem or enigma that challenges ingenuity. In a basic puzzle, one is intended to piece together objects in a logical way in order to come up with the desired shape, picture, or solution. Puzzles are–”

Customer: “Okay, I get it.”

Me: “–often contrived as a form of entertainment, but they can also stem from serious mathematical or logistical problems–”

Customer: “Please stop.”

Me: “–in such cases, their successful resolution can be a significant contribution to mathematical resear–”

Customer: “Stop it, you a**. I get it.”

Me: “–ch. Solutions to puzzles may require recognizing patterns and creating a particular order. People with a high inductive reasoning aptitude may be better at solving these–”

Customer: “STOP IT, F***! WHY DON’T YOU F****** STOP? WHY?!”

Me: “–puzzles than others. Puzzles based on the process of inquiry and discovery to complete may be solved faster by those wi–”

Customer: “FINE, I’LL BUY THIS SONIC GAME! SHUT THE F*** UP, JESUS CHRIST!”

(I scan the game, take his money, and wave him out.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

Puzzle on Wikipedia


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Because PvP In Produce Is Teh Suxxorz

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2008

(I worked in the meat department of a large, popular store a few years ago. Alongside this, I was both in college, and played World of Warcraft, so I was pretty zonked whenever I worked.)

Customer: “HEY!”

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: *scowls* “Where’s LARD?!”

(The name for my character in WoW was Lard. The night before, I ended up having to kick a guildy due to him basically being a moron. After he was kicked, he messaged to me that he was ‘going to get me one day’)

Customer: “…Lard?”

Me: “Um… um!”

Customer: *glares, then looks down* “Oh, here it is.”

(He bent down and picked up a jar of lard from the counter in front of me and walked away, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I later found out that the same person deleted his character, rerolled the opposite faction, and leveled him to 70 in order to “Kill Lard and camp his corpse.” I consider that the moment that I won at WoW.)


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Mmm, Pasty Nerds

, , , , | Right | June 3, 2008

(A woman in her forties walks in…)

Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

(The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “[Toy Store Chain] has them for $15. You should price match.”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

Me: “All right…”

(I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”


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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2008

(This is back during the PlayStation 2 era. I don’t even work at this place; I am just looking at the games with my dad but I figure I’ll help this lady out.)

Customer: “Hi, my son wants a Star Wars game. How much will that be?”

Me: “Well, there are lots of Star Wars games, because some are older than others. The older ones are more likely to be cheaper… sometimes the console changes the price as well.”

Customer: “Console?”

Me: “The thing you play it on.”

Customer: “Oh he’s got a Gamestation.”

Me: “Do you mean a Playstation or a Gamecube?”

Customer: “I don’t know, it’s black.”

Me: “Is it cube-shaped?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Right so, it’s a PlayStation 2. Did your son say which type of Star Wars game he wanted, or even the name?”

Customer: “No, he just said Star Wars. A shooting one, I think.”

Me:Most of them are shooting games…”

Customer: “Well, this is the one with the laser guns in it and the laser swords.”

Me: *cringing* “Laser guns and laser swords are what Star Wars is famous for.”

(My dad, who is behind me, starts laughing.)

Customer: “I’m not some Star Wars computer genius, you know! This is only the 21st century. I don’t even know why you work here if you don’t know what I should buy!”

Me: “I don’t actually work here.”

Customer: “Well, why are you wearing the employee t-shirt?!”

(She points towards my Children of Bodom t-shirt.)

Me: “Good point. Go and speak to my boss if you are unhappy about me working here.”

Customer: “I will, and you might get fired, so watch out!”

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