(I play a survival game online with a group of friends, among them a married couple. We’re clearing a cave of giant insects. Our strategy revolves around having people grapple up to the ceiling and shooting from there while a ground team keeps the bugs busy. We are starting to run out of ammo, when…)
Tribe Leader: “Okay, I’m calling a retreat; back to base to restock.”
(We begin to run, with several bugs on our heels when we hear, through the voice chat:)
Wife: “Hey, [Husband]! You’re forgetting something.”
Husband: “What?”
Wife: “ME!”
(It turned out she hadn’t been able to grapple down to join us and had been cut off. [Husband] mounted a rescue as soon as we restocked on ammo.)
Mom: “I BROUGHT MY SON IN HERE TO BUY A PET AND HE SAID THIS ANIMAL IS RABID!”
Son: “Mom, I said it looks like a Rabbid from the games.”
Mom: “…”
(I’m at a writer’s retreat, and we’re playing a game of Werewolf. Most players are villagers, but one or two are werewolves. The players vote to lynch one player each “day,” while the werewolves secretly kill a player each “night.” The goal is to find and kill the werewolves before they kill off the entire village. The first “day” is usually random guessing, in order to gauge people’s reactions. Two men have been accused of being werewolves. [Woman #1] jokingly backs up her choice by saying that she feels [Man #1] just looks like a murderer.)
Woman #2: “Okay, before we vote, we should give the accused a chance to defend themselves. [Man #1], you’ve been accused of looking like a murderer. Do you have a defence?”
Man #1: “This is just how I look. I have resting murder face.”
Woman #2: “And [Man #2]?”
Man #2: “I can’t be a werewolf for the simple fact that I am a vampire.”
Man #3: “Is that better?”
Me: “No, he makes a good point. We’re explicitly here to lynch werewolves. We can’t afford to be distracted by vampires right now.”
(We are having a training evening. As Christmas is approaching, there is naturally a lot of talk about it. For a bit of fun, one colleague has set a quiz: half the questions are about work and the other half about Christmas.)
Quizmaster: “And question ten: in the 1840s, which decade was… oh, d***, I’ve just given you the answer! Sorry!
(Everyone has a good laugh. The question was “In what decade was the first Christmas card sent?”)
Quizmaster: “At least everyone will get one point!”
(Later, when the answers are being read out:)
Quizmaster: “And question ten: if you get this wrong, you’re an idiot!” *everyone laughs* “In the 1940s…” *realises what he’s said, as does everyone else!* “…no, the 1840s! No points for me!”
(I’m suddenly woken early in the morning by a series of texts from my sister.)
Text #1: “Hey! Guess what? Someone just wonder traded me a Furfrou named Dazzle!”
(I realize with horror that she’s seriously playing Pokémon at four in the morning.)
Text #2: “I’m going to put it in my party with my Slowbro, Zazzle, and together they can be ‘Dazzle and Zazzle!’”
Text #3: “And then I’ll put them next to Lilith, so they can be Dazzle, Zazzle, and a Salazzle!”
Text #4: “And then they’re going to start a comedy troupe together and I’ll be rich!”
Me: *banging on the wall to her room* “Oh, my God! Go to bed!”
(I later found out she named her Wailord after me because I yelled at her for waking me.)
Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 39
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 38
