My husband invited his siblings over for dinner and a game night. I cleaned up the food while they set up a game in the other room. I had a migraine coming on, so I excused myself to lie down. A few minutes passed before I heard them yelling. 

Sister: “No, that’s not how you play that card!”

Brother: “Yes, it is! Just read it!”

Me: *Texting my husband* “Please keep it down? My head is pounding.”

Husband: *From the other room* “Guys, lower your voices. [My Name] has a headache.”

A few minutes passed.

Brother: “You’re cheating! Stop!”

Sister: *Louder* “I am not! You—”

Husband: “Stop yelling or you’re leaving! It’s a card game.”

I laughed at the irony of my husband yelling at them to stop yelling, but they quieted down again — for a few minutes.

Brother: “I quit! I’m not playing with her if she—”

Husband: “That’s it. Everybody out.”

Brother: “Why?”

Husband: “You have been warned twice to stop yelling and you continue. Go home.”

Sister: *Still yelling* “Yeah, but—”

Husband: “No. Trust me when I say you do not want [My Name] to come out here with her migraine.”

Brother: *Yelling* “If [Sister] would just play fair, it—”

I stomped out, wrapped in my blanket.

Me: “SHUT. THE. F***. UP. Get out of my house. Get out right now.”

Sister: “No, but—”

Me: “I fed you, I cleaned up after you, you were told repeatedly to keep it down, and you’re still screaming. Shut the f*** up and leave.”

All three of them stared at the table.

Sister: *Quietly* “We’ll be quiet. I’m sorry. Whose turn is it?”

Me: “No, you can come back another day. I’m not dealing with any more sound tonight.”

Husband: “Go on, guys. I’ll clean up the game.”

They both left, heads low. [Husband] cleaned up the game and came to bed with a bottle of water.

The next day, both siblings texted an apology and asked if they could come back for another dinner and game night. They brought pizza, cleaned up after themselves, and kept it down!

I was assisting in an online Dungeons And Dragons class for autistic and similarly challenged teenagers and adults, all of whom were high-functioning and intelligent. The Dungeon Master was describing the area and mentioned that there were iron bars covering an opening when one of the students blurted out this gem.

Student: “What are the iron bars made out of?”

We have not let him live it down since.

For my first couple of years of college, it wasn’t unusual for me to go a whole month without ever getting behind the wheel of an actual car. I lived on campus, worked a campus job, and rode a bus wherever I couldn’t just walk.

My roommate had a PlayStation 2 and Grand Theft Auto 3. One day, I was at home (my parents’ house) and was getting in the car to run an errand. After putting on the seatbelt and starting the engine, I actually reached for the controller to drive the car.

Not my proudest moment, but it forced me to stop long enough to establish a mental divide between driving in-game and driving a real car.

I’m working on a browser game with cute, Disney-like anthropomorphic animals.

Client: “Oh, Jesus f***, we can’t have furries in our game. This is supposed to be a kid’s game!”

Me: “Uh… well, I based these on existing character designs. What makes them more… ‘furry’… than the other ones?”

Client: “Ugh, they just feel wrong. Make them over and make them less like people.”

I do, and a few days later, I give him more animal-like characters.

Client: “Now they’re just animals wearing clothing. You can’t just put a hat on a rabbit and give it a sword; no one’s going to believe it’s a warrior. It’s just a rabbit with a hat.”

Me: “Okay. So… you want them to look more like people, then?”

Client: “Of course! They’re supposed to be animal people! Not animals in clothes!”

I remake the characters again, and they end up looking more like the original artwork.

Client: “Ick, they look way too much like furries now. Gross. Remember, this is a kid’s game. They should look more like… I don’t know. Looney Tunes.”

Me: “Looney Tunes don’t match with any of the art that’s already been made, though.”

Client: “Eh, just change everything, then. Looney Tunes.”

So, I remake a bunch of art to look similar to “Looney Tunes”.

Client: “No, no, no. You can’t just have characters look like Looney Tunes; we’re going get sued for copyright infringement! What are you doing?”

Me: “You… You said to make them look like Looney Tunes…”

Client: “I would never say that. This is all wrong. Redo them. They need to look more like animals someone dressed in clothes.”

I quit shortly after.

I work at a video game store that is best known for taking in trades on old games and consoles. I get a call during a slow period.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Game Store]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help?”

Caller: “Hi there. I just purchased [Popular New Game], I’ve beaten it four times, and I’m finished with it. I know your trade values aren’t that good, so I was wondering if anyone with a soul there would let me trade it in for [Sports Game]?”

His comment about having a soul catches me off guard, and I know that trade values for games are dependent on factors outside of my control, so I brace myself for the worst, phrasing my response very, VERY carefully.

Me: “I can trade it in toward [Sports Game]…”

Caller: *Audibly upset* “Look, I know your trade values are really bad. Can’t I just swap it out?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t do that. We can take the game in and use that credit toward the game you want, but I can’t do a swap.”

Caller: “It just came out. I can’t return it for the other game?”

Me: “I can’t change trade-in values on my end even if I wanted to, and I can’t return new games if they’ve already been opened and played.”

Caller: “I just want to get this game, and I think it’s f****** disgusting what you guys do with this trade s***.”

Me: *Not looking to be cursed at today* “Okay, I’m hanging up now. Goodbye.” *Click*

They didn’t call back or come in. I have zero respect for people who still want retail workers to break the rules for them even after mentioning that they could get in trouble.