Making Baby Jesus Cry

, , , , , | Related | December 24, 2020

It’s Christmas Day at my grandparents’ house. Dinner has been served and eaten, presents and stockings have been opened and, to entertain the eight cousins in attendance, my aunt has come up with some party games.

First up is “pin Baby Jesus in the manger.” My oldest cousin, a ripe twenty years old, offers to be the first to have an oversized Santa hat pulled over his eyes. Once that’s in place, he gets spun around by many eager hands a few times. It’s simple from there: get Baby Jesus from his hand to the manger that is no more than five feet in front of him.

The manger is taped to a closed door, which my cousin had noted before having his eyes covered. Next to said closed door is a painting that has hung there for as long as any of us can remember. When he gets close enough, my cousin confidently leans one hand against the door and slaps the Baby Jesus as hard as he can onto the glass of the painting’s frame with his other. 

Lots of shouting and laughter ensues. After it’s established that he didn’t break anything, my cousin turns to my grandma and asks an innocent question. 

“That means I get to keep the painting, right?”

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What The Puck?!

, , , , , , | Right | December 2, 2020

My husband and I are visiting my parents for my dad’s birthday. After lunch, we’re sitting outside in their yard and they’re telling us something that happened on their week down the shore.

Mom: “Dad and I were playing air hockey and suddenly we couldn’t find the puck. We called the worker over and she couldn’t find it, either. We looked everywhere. They even brought the manager over and they took the brand new table apart.”

Me: “So, where was it?”

Dad: “Under my paddle. I thought they were going to kill me.”

We all laughed. To that worker, thanks for being so patient and understanding.

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A Pet Straight Out Of “Monty Python”

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2020

I’m half-watching my boyfriend play a game, half-dozing on the couch next to him. It’s around Halloween, and he’s playing a remake of a horror game from the 1990s. While I don’t mind watching others play horror games, when I have the controller, I’m a big baby, so I don’t play them often unless I think the story is worth the scares. He is much better at handling scares and usually doesn’t react.

He is dodging what I think is a super zombie in a trench coat and he thinks he’s lost him. I’m watching the screen but really not paying attention to anything.

Suddenly, my boyfriend lets out what I can only describe as a banshee screech, legs jerking upward just as the trench coat man finds him.

Me: *Becoming suddenly alert* “What?! What happened?!”

Boyfriend: *Very alarmed* “Something just touched my foot!”

I look down to see one of our two bunnies hop out from under the couch and stomp his foot in displeasure at the reaction of his hello. We’ve been trying to teach our bunny to “nose bump”; you offer your fist for a fist-bump and he bumps his nose in response. He took this to mean that bumping his nose against you is just how we say hi. It could be your hand, your face, your foot, or whatever he can reach at the time he’s hopping by. He apparently has perfect timing. We now double-check where the rabbits are before playing scary games.

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Who Says Online Friends Aren’t Real Friends?

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 27, 2020

My husband and I play a number of online games with a clan of people, most of whom are based in various parts of the UK. I honestly don’t remember how we met, but we’ve been friends for a few years now. And they are AMAZING.

A new expansion released today for a game we play together, and my hubby’s birthday is tomorrow. 

Friend: “Is [Husband] going to get the new expansion for his birthday?”

Me: “I don’t think so. Unfortunately, we’ve been having some hour cutbacks at work and whatnot, so there’s really no way we’re going to be able to shell out the forty bucks.”

Cue the clan.

Our lovely leader decides to organize a little fundraiser and gets most of the group signed up; it’s only a few dollars from each of them, but it’s enough to cover the cost. The only problem is that most of them won’t be able to contribute until next week. No problem; he isn’t expecting it, so it’ll be a surprise either way.

And then, this afternoon, our Irish friend steps up. She decides to cover the cost — not just of the $40 base expansion, but the $70 deluxe version — with the caveat that people just send her whatever they were going to contribute in the first place. This FLOORS all of us.

Half an hour later, I have the money, I have logged onto hubby’s account via computer, and he has the expansion.

He doesn’t find out until he logs onto the game — at our glorious leader’s insistence — about an hour later.

My rather stoic former-Marine hubby almost CRIED, y’all. On voice chat. With every clan member available at the time.

Good friends, people. Treasure them like the gold they are.

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for November 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for November 2020!

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The Innovation Of The Future: Micro-timezones

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2020

I’m playing a game online with a guy from California who I met in the game.

Me: “I’m going to hop off after this game; it’s getting late.”

Teammate: “Oh, what time is it where you’re from?”

Me: “I’m from Vancouver; it’s 5:00 am.”

It is 4:52 am, but I rounded it.

Teammate: “Wow, you’re only eight minutes ahead of me.”

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