Your Cash Will Not Flow

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Right | July 8, 2017

(We have closed and I have already closed the gate to the entrance to the store. I am closing out the registers for the night. A customer walks by, seeing a video game-related action figure he wants.)

Customer: “Oh, I really want that. Can I buy it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’ve already closed for the night, but we’ll open at 10 am tomorrow and you can buy it then.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to wait until then!”

Me: “I’m sorry; the registers are already closed out.”

Customer: “That’s okay, I have cash!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I still can’t.”

Customer: “I even have enough to cover tax, though!”

The Incidents Are Link-ed

| Holmdel, NJ, USA | Right | April 6, 2017

(A man with two children, about ages eight and eleven, come in and look at games.)

Man: “All right, you can pick one game to play together.”

(The kids pick ‘Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.’)

Man: “This is the game you want?”

(The children nod yes.)

Man: “Okay, then.”

(They come to my counter.)

Me: “Um, sir, this is a single-player game; your children won’t be able to play it together.”

Man: “Oh.” *turns to his kids* “You guys can share and take turns right?”

Children: “Yes, dad!”

Man: “All right, then.”

(They pay and leave. About an hour and a half later, the man comes back.)

Me: “Hello again, sir! Can I help you?”

Man: “Yes, I’d like to return this.” *holds the same game*

Me: “Of course, sir. Was there any damage to the game?”

Man: “No, but nearly. My kids nearly broke the game in half by fighting over who got to play first!”

Your Enemy Is Known

| WV, USA | Right | March 16, 2017

(We often have video games out for testing. A game called ‘XCOM: Enemy Unknown’ has recently been released and we have it out for testing. I have my own personal save file on the hard drive, and a different memory unit for patrons. There is a large sign on the console that no patrons are to use the hard drive. One day, I glance up, and noticed a patron playing ‘XCOM’. As I watch him, I noticed that he is playing on my save file. I walk over to him.)

Me: “Sir, that is an employee save file. Could you please exit to the menu and use a customer file?”

(As I am saying this, the patron continues to play the game.)

Me: “Sir, do you hear me? Please exit to the menu.”

(He looks at me, but continues to play.)

Patron: “Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.”

(He continues playing. He moves one of my soldiers into a very bad position.)

Me: *urgently* “Sir, you really need to exit to the menu.”

(The game moves into the alien’s turn. It is now impossible to exit. One of the aliens shoots, and kills, the soldier that the patron moved into a vulnerable position. The patron then exits the game and goes to the menu. A few days later, the same patron comes back into the store, and walks up to me.)

Patron: “Hi, I’d like to purchase XCOM, please.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $50. Oh, you know, by the way, Wednesday? When you were playing XCOM on the display TV? You killed my best soldier.”

(‘XCOM’ features ‘permadeath,’ meaning that if a soldier dies, they are dead for the rest of the game.)

Patron: “What? No, I didn’t.”

Me: “Yeah, you did. When you were playing on my file, that girl that you moved to where she was being flanked, and she got killed, she was my best soldier.”

Patron: “And she’s dead?”

Me: “Yeah, she’s dead.”

Patron: “Well, sorry about that. How is she now?”


A Real Stickler For That Sticker

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | February 11, 2017

(It is a rather busy day just after the holidays, and about two days after a bunch of our sales ended. A woman calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. how may I help you?”

Customer: *already irate* “I was in there earlier with my son and we bought a game and I took off the price sticker and there is a cheaper price sticker underneath!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we had some sales that ended a few days ago. The price sticker on top that is displayed is the current price and is correct.”

Customer: “This hidden price sticker is significantly cheaper! That is false advertising!”

Me: “No, it isn’t false advertising since it was the one covered up and therefore not being advertised. The old cheaper price ended.”

Customer: “You need to charge me for the cheaper price! This is false advertising! I’m contacting your corporate office! *hangs up*

(Two minutes later she calls back:)

Customer: “Are you the manager?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well I just spoke with another store manager and they said you should honor that price!”

Me: “I did honor the price displayed, ma’am. You told me you took the price sticker that was displayed off to reveal one that was not displayed. I charged you according to the correct, accurately displayed price.”

Customer: “Well, you need to take the old ones off because this is false advertising!”

Me: *now trying my best to stay calm and get it over with* “Duly noted.”

Customer: “Yes, you need to do that because if I had just looked closer than I would have taken the sticker off and made you charge me the lower price!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s fraud. You would be lying to the store and cheating your way to sales.”

Customer: “I’m contacting your corporate office!” *hangs up*

You Effed Up In Every Language

| CO, USA | Friendly | February 6, 2017

(I am playing a popular trading card game at the local game shop. They’ve recently started a Twitch streaming channel to stream the top two games each round and I happen to be at one of them. Their rules are pretty simple: Be courteous and watch your language and content while you’re on the stream. The owner will give a warning if you break a rule while on stream.)

Me: “Oh man… I really f***ed up that last play. I’m probably going to lose… S***!”

Owner: “[My Name]! Language!”

Me: *repeats the whole thing in French*

Owner: “[My Name]!”

Me: *looks at him, then repeats the whole thing in German*

Owner: “Seriously, [My Name]?”

Me: *repeats whole thing in Dutch*

Opponent: “Oh, man… how long can you go? [Owner] is starting to get as red as his hair!”

Me: *repeats it in Spanish*

Worker: “[My Name] is giving our audience a cultural lesson!”

Me: *Vietnamese*

Owner: “Well… I’m pretty sure no one understand you at this point… Fine! As long as you do it in a language no one understands I don’t care.”

Me: *says it in Klingon*


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