Surely Knot Elastic

| Sheffield, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you make curtains to order?”

Me: “Certainly. Do you have your measurements?”

Customer: *pleased with his cleverness* “I couldn’t find a tape measure, so I used this piece of string. The width is from the end of the string to this knot.”

Me: “Sir, this is a piece of elastic.”

Customer: “So?”

(He hands me the elastic string, which I proceed to stretch.)

Me: “Is your window this wide, or this wide, or this wide?”

Complaining To A Fault

| Chester, England, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a refund on my sofa!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry. What seems to be the problem with the sofa?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re not happy. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy with it.”

Me: “I see. Why exactly is that?”

Customer: “There is a manufacturing fault.”

Me: “What is the fault, sir?”

Customer: “I’m not happy!”

Me: “I understand that, sir. What is the fault with the sofa?”

Customer: “Well, I’m not happy!”

Me: “With all due respect, ‘I’m not happy’ is not a manufacturing fault.”

Customer: “Of course it is. It’s manufactured to make me happy! This sofa is not fit for purpose!”

Me: “Can you sit on the sofa?”

Customer: “Of course I can!”

Me: “Then it is fit for purpose, sir.”

Customer: “But I am not happy! There must be a manufacturing fault to make me not happy with it!”

In A (Lone Star) Drunken State

| Texas, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi there! Welcome to [store name]. Is there anything I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you sell wine?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t sell alcohol.”

Customer: “But…but this is Texas!”