The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

| USA | Right | April 5, 2013

(A customer is buying furniture to be delivered and assembled by our tech.)

Customer: “I have cats, so whoever you send over must not be allergic.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure he’s a vegetarian, too.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “He has to have brown hair, and an earring, but no tattoos. He needs to be good at sports.”

Me: “I don’t think we can do all that.”

Customer: “He needs to know a language other than English.”

Me: “You’re just kidding, right?”

Customer: “Yes. Just stick with the no cat allergy request.”

Me: “Alright then.”

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Put This Con To Bed

| WA, Australia | Right | March 8, 2013

Customer: “I am looking for some cheap beds for my sons.”

(I look at the two boys the customer has brought with her. One is about 6 years old and very slim, while the other is approximately 13 and massive.)

Me: “Well, for the little one we have this model…”

(I show her the cheapest mesh base in the store.)

Me: “…and for the older boy, we have this model.”

(I show her a heavy duty reinforced model that is $60 more.)

Customer: “No, I will take two of the cheaper beds, thanks.”

Me: “The cheaper model will not stand up to any punishment from the older child.”

Customer: “No, he isn’t mine. My other son is with a friend and he is about the same size as the little fella.” *points to the slim 6 year old*

Me: “Okay, but if this is for the older child, we won’t fix any damage he does and won’t refund or replace it.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, I just want you to be aware that it’s not designed for older children.”

Customer: “Well, it won’t be for an older kid, you idiot.”

(I take the customer to counter with receipt and warn the manager of her after she departs. Two days later, the customer returns with a broken bed and the two same boys.)

Customer: “I got this bed two days ago and one is already broken.”

Me: “Did the older kid jump on it?”

Customer: “No, you bloody idiot! I told you it wasn’t for him.”

Me: “Okay then, just go to the front counter and they will arrange a refund.”

(The customer walks from the warehouse to the front desk. Meanwhile, I talk to the 6-year-old son.)

Me: *to the 6 year old* “Did your big brother jump on the bed?”

6-year-old Son: “Yeah, he cracked a sad, jumped on his bed, threw it against the wall and broke it. Now mum has to get a new one so she brought it back.”

(I walk to the front counter and tell the administration staff to cancel the order.)

Me: *to the customer* “Please come and collect your broken bed from the warehouse.”

Customer: “Why the h*** do I want the broken bed back? I came here for a refund!”

Me: “Luckily, your son is more honest than you are. He told me the truth about the bed, and we aren’t a disposal service for other people’s rubbish.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

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Lift Me A Misogynist

| USA | Working | November 22, 2012

(My brother, a friend of his, and myself are at a furniture store picking up his new living room set. My brother and I are both average height and stocky, but his friend, who is female, is pretty petite. However, as she works a very physically demanding job, she is *much* stronger than she looks. We’ve brought my SUV down and my brother’s truck. There’s the couch, an ottoman, and a chair, but before we can start moving them, this happens.)

Store Manager: “Aww, did you bring your little girlfriend so she could make sure you picked a good couch?”

My Brother: “Um, she’s not my girlfriend. She’s here to help us move the furniture.”

Store Manager: “Her?! She’s too small to be useful!”

Me: “Go tell her that. Better yet, try physically stopping her from helping.”

Store Manager: *to her* “Don’t try to pick that up. You’ll hurt yourself! It’s very heavy!”

(My brother’s friend grabs the plastic bail binding and lifts it easily up and down.)

Her: “Can’t be more than 70 pounds.”

Store Manager: “It’s too heavy for girls!”

(The store manager tries to take it from her, but she sets it down.)

Her: “Buddy, I’m going to say this once. I came down here to your store to help my friend pick up his furniture order. I didn’t come here to hear your useless prattle about women. I suggest you stay out of my way before you hurt yourself!”

Related:
Drywall Me A Misogynist
Paint Me A Misogynist (Not Always Right)

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A Bit Carefree With The Free Care

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | September 14, 2012

(I work in the play area at a popular furniture store. Parents are allowed to drop their children off for one hour, provided they sign an information form stating all their information, and that the person signing them in will be the person signing them out. A lady comes up to me with her children.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, welcome to [furniture store].”

Customer: *grunts and shoves form at me*

Me: “As you are the person who signed this, you will be the only one able to sign your children out. You have one hour for which you have to remain in the store. Here is your pager which we will page when your time is up.”

Customer: “Yeah, I get it, okay!”

(The customer then walks off before I can even get her children in the door. Three hours go by, and she doesn’t return, which is far beyond her allotted one hour. We have paged her, sent overhead pages throughout the store, and phoned her cellphone number over twenty times and left numerous voicemails. After contacting the police, we phone her one more time; she finally she picks up.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Ma’am, where have you been? You’re children are still here and we have been unable to contact you.”

Customer: “Well, I went to work.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is NOT a daycare service. We informed you that you had one hour.”

Customer: “The man said I could leave them there for as long as I want!”

Me: “Ma’am, there are only women working here and I was the one who signed you in. I can assure you, no man said you could abandon your children here.”

Customer: “No, the man walking around in the store!”

Me: “So, you asked a random man if you could abandon your children here?”

Customer: “Yes! So, I can get my mom to come pick them up?”

Me: “Sorry, but the person who signed them in is the only one who can sign them out.”

Customer: “WHAT THE H***?! What the f*** is wrong with you people?! I’m at work trying to make a living!””

Me: “Ma’am, we are trying to protect your children from being picked up by strangers. If you don’t get here within 15 minutes, I’m calling child social services.”

(She showed up in 5.)

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Accidon’t

| North Dakota, USA | Working | June 5, 2012

(I’ve recently purchased a new living room set. Since I have three young, active boys and four cats, I decide to purchase the protection plan. In addition, I also purchase the upgrade titled “Accidental Damage Coverage”. Sure enough, about 6 weeks later, one of the boys tears the back of the recliner and I call the customer service line.)

Me: “I purchased a recliner 6 weeks ago and purchased the accidental damage protection plan. There’s a rip in the back, and I’d like to make a claim.”

Employee: “Okay, I have your account pulled up. How did the damage occur?”

Me: “My boys were rough-housing in the living room and tore the fabric on the back of the chair.”

Employee: “I see. Unfortunately, since the damage was the result of an accident, and not a manufacturing defect, the plan does not cover repair or replacement.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand. What was the point of selling an accidental damage plan if it won’t cover accidental damage?”

Employee: “I do apologize, but the accidental damage plan does not cover accidental damage.”

Me: “Did you really just say that with a straight face?!”

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