Who You Gonna Call: Sawdusters

| North Miami, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [furniture store], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, you make custom furniture right?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, can you make a table and maybe some chairs out of this tree in my front yard?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually do any of the tree cutting. We get all of our wood from a lumber yard.”

Customer: “But the city says I need to cut down this tree right away or I’ll be fined!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do anything about that.”

Customer: “Well, screw you, then! My grandfather planted this tree here! He’s going to haunt you till you die! HAUNT YOU TILL YOU DIE!”

Building A Bed, No Doubt

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [furniture store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m suing your company!”

Me: “May I ask what the problem is?”

Customer: “My son got into a car accident because he fell asleep at the wheel!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but why are you suing [furniture store]?

Customer: “He fell asleep at the wheel because he stayed up all night assembling your furniture!”

Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope

, | East Greenwich, RI, USA | Top

(I work in the shipping and receiving department of a furniture store, where customers ring a bell so I can give them their box. We also have a loading dock for semi’s.)

Outside: *BANG! BANG!*

(Alarmed, I go to the loading dock where I see an E-class Mercedes sliding repeatedly down the icy incline and crashing into the building.)

Me: “Sir! Sir! What are you doing?”

Customer: “I’m trying to pick up my f***ing table! You call this customer pick-up?”

Me: “No, Sir. We call this the loading dock. The customer service door is right over here.” *points at door*

Customer: “F***! Would you come down here and help push my car up the grade while I floor it?”

Me: “Sir, that incline is solid ice. If I slip or your car slides down, I could be killed. So, no, I won’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Just ring this bell over here when you get out.”

(After a few more minutes and several more crashing noises, the bell rings. I open the door and it’s the same customer standing outside.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need this.” *hands me slip*

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll have that ready right here for you. Would you like some help getting it into the car?”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer takes the box by himself and attempts to fit box into his back seat but fails, as it’s filled with various items. He pulls out a child’s stroller and throws it across the road and into the woods, where it catches and hangs on a tree branch. He then proceeds to throw all other items in his car out onto road. The whole time, his wife is standing with me and watching.)

Customer’s wife: “Here you go.” *gives me a $10 tip*

Me: “Good luck with that guy.”

Customer’s wife: “Yeah, thanks. He’s still got to put that table together!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

When Political Causes Collide

, | Victoria, BC, Canada | Top

Customer: “Excuse me, where is this table made? It’s not made in China, is it?”

Me: “Yes, I do believe it’s made in China.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you would sell things from China.”

Me: “Well, we have a factory there that makes custom furnishings directly for us. I assure you they’re of the highest quality.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t shop here! This is an outrage!

Me: “I don’t see the problem…”

Customer: “The problem is that they do animal testing in China!”

Me: “Um, this is a table.”

Customer: “They still do animal testing!”

Me: “Well, I assure you no animals were harmed during the building of this table.”

Customer: *storms out*

Seek, And Ye Shall Find…Eventually

, | Glasgow, Scotland | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi. Can I have a cappuccino please?”

Me: “Uh …sorry ma’am, but you’re in a furniture store. We don’t sell coffee.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask for coffee, I asked for a d**n cappuccino!”

Me: “Well, we don’t sell those either.”

Customer: *looking hurt* “Why not?”

Me: “We sell furniture. Look around you….”

Customer: *starts crying* “This is the fourth time this has happened on this street!” *runs out*

(As it turns out, she’d gone into a clothing store, a pharmacy and a grocery store, just to find herself a cappuccino.)